I can't let the jerk go because I blame myself

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    • #79674

      Sigh. He has put his hands on me and constantly blames me for his life’s problems. I feel small and trapped but, in a way, love that he is obsessed with me. I am a manic and have used it towards positive and uplifting habits such as proper diet, routine exercise, and pep talks. He barely smiles and his family has confessed that he has been depressed for a long time. Although he is a former opiate addict, he is a wonderful single parent. I am 25 and full of his life. He is 42 with a stable job but he drinks too much. Every night he screams and accuses me of cheating. I confess to looking around because I feel so alone. Why do I continue to put up with the bull shit? I don’t even want him to touch me anymore. Yet, he begs and my manic side likes it in a way.
      He is the instability in my life and I want to know why.

    • #79889

      I can understand, so attached to the chaos….not letting go…

      A well thought and planned time away, will reveal what’s important, and what you can live without.

      I just wished I had learned a lot earlier…the world isn’t ending. Not by a long shot lol.

    • #80095

      I know what your going through, because I’ve been there. My ex husband was an abusive alcoholic too. I put up with his shit for WAY too long. He told me I was stupid so often, that I started to believe I was. My self-esteem got worse and worse until I felt totally worthless. He was very emotionally abusive. He started getting a little bit physically abusive, like shoving me, or throwing things at me..nothing too serious at that point, so I pretty much let it go. I was scared of being alone, and I didn’t think he’d keep doing it. Also, for years before he started drinking so heavily he treated me great. He’d tell me things like “you’re the most beautiful woman in the world”, he called me his angel. He used to make me feel so special, and I kept wanting to believe that person was still in there somewhere.

      I didn’t get the courage to leave him until one night he beat me for hours. I just couldn’t get away from him. He outweighed me by 100 pounds. I’d never felt so helpless in all my life. I can’t tell you how much that night messed me up mentally. Even though he hurt me so bad physically, the emotional trauma was so much worse. That took a few years to recover from. I actually ended up becoming an alcoholic myself, in a misguided attempt to forget my problems. Obviously that didn’t help, but I also had horrible social anxiety, and was afraid to go to the doctor to get the help I needed.

      Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I can almost guarantee it will get worse at some point. You deserve better than someone who thinks it’s okay to put his hands on you. Don’t blame yourself. He’s probably the one that has you thinking that way. You can do so much better, and be so much happier. It took me awhile, but I’m happy again. I’m engaged to an awesome man, I no longer drink too much, and I no longer think I’m stupid.

      I wasted almost 17 years of my life on that man (we started dating when I was 15). I regret not having made a change sooner. All those years I could have been so much happier…I just didn’t realize it.

    • #80146

      There is only one possible answer: RUN!

      You continue to go back because you are becoming co-dependent on the high-low serotonin pattern, which is the most toxic relationship pattern of all. Things are NEVER going to change in better, they will only get WORSE! By the time you wake up you’ll have children with him and you’ll never be free again.

      Unfortunately, I know from my own experience that no matter the amount of medication or professed love the broken promises, emotional manipulation and defensive rants will repeat on a regular basis. You can change yourself and accept a miserable life but why would you?

      You deserve a better life! Love yourself and run!

    • #80159

      Thats a tough situation. I am very sorry. But you will never change him. What is most important you or him? The answer should be you. Do what you have to do to save yourself. Get out. Seek help.

    • #80168

      Thank you. Thank you so much. It feels so nice to not feel so alone right now. A person can only take so much

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