I am scared (Sorry for throwing out a lot of stuff)

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  hbovi02 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #104933

    hbovi02
    Participant

    I am a 16-year-old Junior in high school with ADHD and I don’t think I ever had an IEP or 504 plan or any accommodations at all. I was diagnosed in third grade when I was getting in trouble a lot for being inattentive and hyperactive. My third-grade teacher talked to my parents and let them know something was going on. I have been on Metadate CD and it has helped a lot. I’ve gone through every year of school with the constant bumps in the road, but since high school, it seems it’s just a road of holes. My emotions have become a mess. So I talked to my parents and we went and talked to someone and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which I sorta figured. So I’ve have been taking fluoxetine for about 2 months and it has helped with the anxiety but I don’t really feel a change in the ‘depression’ side. I say depression in quotations because at this point I don’t know if it is. I think it might be the emotions of ADHD.
    I’ve been doing a lot of extensive research on ADHD because I knew it hyperactivity and inattention, but I didn’t know what it was. The more I looked into it, the more I understood myself. I just wish that more people knew about the emotional side of ADHD and knew more about ADHD in general.
    I want to tell my parents, friends, teachers about the emotional side, but I am scared that I’m going to sound like I want them to focus on me. I just don’t want to feel terrible.
    On the impulsivity side, it is a coin toss. On one side I can be impulsive and say things I instantly regret or do something and feel awkward after, or I can spend all day thinking about it and end up not doing it because of my anxiety, even when the thing could be helpful.
    I want to do so many things in my life, I want to dye my hair, get a tattoo, have a boyfriend (I’m bi and I am scared of judgment even though I’m proud of being me), play the violin and other things.
    But I am so scared
    I am scared of judgment, it not being what I want/like and feel like I wasted my time on it.
    I know there isn’t really a central question but if any of you have insight, please let me know.
    I want to hear from people who also have ADHD and can hopefully understand.

  • #104937

    Hey, I don’t really have a lot of advice here but I just want to say I know how you feel. ADHD can be a mess and I get it. I’ve had a lot of the same problems, school, anxiety, coming out as bi, and it’s hard. High school has been a huge struggle. My junior year was the worst. I’m a senior right now, and I’m still in a bit of a mess as far as school goes.

    Coming from someone who’s had a lot of trouble figuring myself out, don’t be afraid to tell people what you think is going on. It’s okay to talk about yourself sometimes. And even if you turn out to be wrong about yourself, it’s okay. The people who care about you want to know what you’re going through, and they’ll accept you for who you are as you figure yourself out. It’s okay to be wrong, it’s okay to be scared, it’s okay to be stressed and anxious and afraid of being judged. Believe me, I’ve been there. Just test the waters with one person at a time. Find the one person you trust most, and wait for the opportunity, or make one, and tell them everything. Finding someone who you can talk to is super important in figuring things out. (I found someone and well… now I have a boyfriend.)

    Also don’t be afraid of wasting your time. You have your whole life ahead of you. If something doesn’t work out, it’s not a waste. It’s just a part of your life, and you can always start over with something new. Don’t be afraid of doing things too late or wasting time. Time doesn’t really mean anything, don’t be afraid of living your life in whatever order you want. Hair grows back, tattoos hold memories, and picking up a violin can change your life… or it might fall flat, but that’s okay! I wanted to play drums and get a girlfriend, take AP Classes and learn to program computers– now I play the Cello, have the best boyfriend in the world, am taking classes I enjoy and like to paint. Once you start to realize that you can do whatever makes you happy, things become easier. I’m still stressed, I’ve still got the pressure and the expectations and the bad grades of past years, but I’m happy. I don’t want to die anymore, I know there’s no need to be perfect and I have all the time in the world.

    Sorry for the long reply. Just remember that you’re not alone and it’ll be okay. And let me know if you ever want to talk! 🙂

    • #104943

      hbovi02
      Participant

      Thank you so much.
      It means a lot to see someone who has struggled with almost the same exact things (not that I’m glad you and other people are struggling)
      After looking into ADHD a lot, I’m thinking of going to Asheville NC for Psychology because 1) it is super gay (as my friend has testified) and 2) It has a great psychology program and I want to help people get comfortable with them, especially people with ADHD and the emotions with it.
      And I’m happy for you! I’m glad you have someone and I hope you have been surrounded with supportive people, but what a blessing they are.
      Thank you.

    • #104948

      That’s awesome, Good luck! Psychology is super fun. I’d study it myself if I had the focus to get through med school lol. Sounds like you’ve got a plan, so have fun!

  • #104972

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    UNCA is Awesome! (I live in Asheville.) Pursuing psychology could be a great fit for you — you’re curious about how the mind works because of your own challenges.

    Try sharing these articles with your family for more understanding:

    7 Truths About ADHD and Intense Emotions

    The Fear of Failure Is Real — and Profound

    Good luck to you! I know you’re going to succeed, because you’re already spending time trying to help yourself at a young age.

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #104973

      hbovi02
      Participant

      Thank you so much Penny!
      I’m hoping to build up the courage to tell my parents and family about this side of ADHD because it isn’t well known but affects me the most.

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