I am 44 and just diagnosed with ADHD ubelivable!

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    • #81767
      Bellis perennis

      Helloo evevryone,
      (keep in mind English is my second language, but we live in USA, Illinois)
      I am new on ADDitude. And I am happy I can share my story here. I have 4 children and never thought about ADHD problem to non of us. But everything changed just two weeks ago.
      My oldest son, 11 years old now, always had a problem to focus at school and this problem was present since kindergarten. My husband and I never took this seriously, because our son seemed to have an idea at school, and even now manages A and B grades. Plus, since young age he reads books and liked to build lego blocks. He was hyper during the day but he always slept good at night. Anyways, at our last parent-teacher conference we were convinced by his teacher to go to doctor just to check. We decided to do it and we kind of feeled that we have to look at ADHD from different perspective, the one that we never thought (and still don’t know but we feel something different now). Next week we have another consultation with his doctor and this one will be about medication treatment as doctor already told us that he believes he has ADHD.
      Now, there is our 8 years old daughter which at the beginning of her first grade, I realized she was failing with her study, she developed some OCD kind of gestures (I remember, I had all those strange gestures during my childhood and adolescence and still have some but much less), and she became more and more upset with her homework and anything that goes with school. I alarmed the teachers and they agreed that my daughter needs help. Currently, she is in 2nd grade and receives IEP program (since her first grade). My daughter has a problem with paying attention, but unlike my son that is able to manage good grades, his sister most likely will struggle with it. She is more like me, exept that she is calm and my son is more impulsive (that’s me as well). Everything comes clearer and clearer for me each day, and just week ago my psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD and I am 4th day on vyvanse, starting my new life. I have mixed feeling but I always knew I am different, I just didn’t know why!

    • #81952

      I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 56. I had subconsciously dealt with my ADHD successfully until I was in my mid-fourties. By that time there were small indications of my not being able to maintain the status quo, but I paid no attention to that since I had recently started my own CPA practice and as the business grew I began having issues with anxiety to go along with years of mild depression.

      I had been hanging on by my fingertips to my highly deadline oriented business and lifestyle in general until the week that 2 competitors closed their businesses. All of a sudden my client list at least tripled and NONE of the previous work had been done for these clients in a software that I used. This meant that I had 6 months worth of data entry to do in addition to the extended tax work that was fast approaching another deadline. All of a sudden I couldn’t decide where to start, and once I did find a place to start I was SO easily distracted and then was working on another project. I was working all the time and completing nothing.

      That was the beginning of a dramatic mid life crisis. I went from a successful (married) business woman to a divorcee who can’t hold a job to save my soul.

      Life doesn’t happen in a vacuum, so there were other stressors along the way that exacerbated my ADHD symptoms. By 2014 I was divorced, unemployed, and living in a geographical location that had me physically and emotionally isolated.

      I managed to move back to the area where I grew up, but after nearly 35 years away I find that I am every bit as isolated as I was before. The one consolation is that I am now living in an area that excellent medical care is available. That had most definitely not been the case pre divorce.

      I started seeing a therapist nearly 2 years ago that specializes in treating ADHD, as well as has the condition himself. I thank my lucky stars for that man every day of my life. My family is not supportive of my ADHD to start with, not to mention the emotional damage caused by being married to a narcissist for 30+ years. It has been in the last 2 months that I have been able to understand some of what my therapist has been saying. I have a long way to go… but I am finally coming to see the ADHD traits that were an everyday part of my childhood that I thought was normal. I always thought of myself as “the family idiot” even though I knew I wasn’t stupid, I just learned slower and different than my siblings. I’m so happy that I always knew I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to, I just had to decide to and NOT ask for understanding from the family that couldn’t and still can’t see my special gifts. To the family I am at best “different” and at worst “embarrassing”.

      Do yourself a favor and don’t get stuck wasting time evaluating your life to prove the diagnosis to yourself. I was so convinced by my ex that I was the root cause of all disappointments during our relationship, that it took me far to long to realize that the subconscious coping that I did as a child worked and that I have to let go of all the negative feedback from my meltdown and just work to heal old wounds while discovering new coping skills so that my future is what I dreamed it to be. Thanks to my therapist I know it is there for the taking… I just have to be willing to take the chance. You can too. Put the emotional demons aside and challenge the negativity in your head. You’ve got this.

    • #81959

      Hi Bellis,
      I am new to posting so forgive me if I mess it up! I am 63 and just diagnosed. I have had mental health problems since I was 16. Different diagnosis and overlap of symptoms are confusing. I am taking venlafaxine, quetiapine and atomoxetine (just started very slow titration).
      To be honest I am anxious and sad about my struggles and possible missed diagnosis earlier.
      On the plus side I have a husband of 37 year
      s, 3 grown children and 3 young grandchildren, a dog and my little pet hamster.
      Sorry if this post is all about me. With the adhd I need more advice than I am able to give at the moment but hope to be helpful to others too.

    • #82266
      Bellis perennis

      “Put the emotional demons aside and challenge the negativity in your head.”- This will be difficult, I was almost ready to said all to my mom, that she never did anything and I struggled academically and socially in all my youths. I should be lucky that I am where I am, however, If I only realized I need medication in my twenty’s at least, I could finish college, I have only 2 years of Associate in Science, hardly finished and I had so many dreams and hopes I have more education.

      I am new in all of this and now Iam trying to adjust my body to new medication, its just a beginning!

    • #84869


      I know it is easier for us to think of all the hardships and things we missed out on by getting diagnosed later in life. But think about all of the things we are now able to do. I think that our adhd brains rally struggles to let go of the negativity and self-loathing. You should be gentle with yourself.

      Hope you are adjusting to your meds. I am on day two (just got diagnosed) and riding the wave.

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