I always feel incompetent no matter what I do

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  TheLostGirl 2 days, 10 hours ago.

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  • #130740

    TheLostGirl
    Participant

    I struggled in school, I struggle to make friends, I struggled in college, and now I’m struggling in a minimum wage job. I fixed my issues with working as a handler and with working in the lobby, and now it may take a whole many weeks for me to get used to a cash register. I feel really useless at what I do and I can’t even make a future for myself without screwing myself over.

    Medications are a no go for me because the side effects were terrible. Now I’m wondering which is worse? Feeling like a robot or feeling like a failure at what you do.

    I wish I could shove my fingers into my brain and scramble it and somehow magically make it normal like you’d see in a cartoon because that’s the only way I’d be able to live a successful, happy life where I feel like I’d make accomplishments and do at least one thing right, which quite frankly feels just as impossible as that wish I have in my head.

    Everyone tells me “you’re too hard on yourself,” but it doesn’t change the fact that I just feel like a pretty face that won’t amount to anything worthwhile.

  • #130830

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    Some therapy could really be helpful to change your thought patterns into something more positive and conducive to creating success. CBT maybe?

    The Truth About Treating ADHD with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

    There are also alternative treatments for ADHD you can try:
    https://www.additudemag.com/category/explore-adhd-treatments/natural-treatments/

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #130902

      TheLostGirl
      Participant

      CBT doesn’t work for everyone, and it certainly doesn’t for me.

  • #131183

    Jesudota
    Participant

    Medications are a no no for me too. I think you shouldn’t have a negative perception about yourself, I suffered from the same negative self image for more than 20yrs. Try behavioral therapy and see if it will help

  • #131193

    lela7188
    Participant

    I share you’re struggles, I’ve spent my whole Lif life feeling like an incompetent failure at everything. The meds made me feel like a “roid head” raging at everything and everyone. I hope knowing that most of us share the same daily struggles as yourself and take some strength from that bond. #depression #ADD #unity #inittogether

  • #131226

    FranB
    Participant

    Minimum wage jobs are hard. Especially for people who found school difficult.

    What I’d suggest is doing some self-diagnostics of what’s the hardest, what you hate about what you have to do, what you like about it, and what you’d change if you could. If you have a good manager or supervisor, let them know what you’re finding hard, see if they can help out in figuring out ways to make it easier for you.

    It also might be that a different sort of job than what you’ve got now would be best. For example, my bro current has a job at a doggy daycare and honestly, it’s an ideal job for someone with ADHD. Hands on, lots of physical activity, and instant positive feedback from happy dogs.

    In general, just remember, you are more than what your job is. Your worth is not in what you do for a paycheck. Your worth is what you can do, yourself. Most minimum wagers who survive are the kind who couldn’t care less about their job. They’re just there to be a warm body and then collect a paycheck. And for minimum wage, I sure as anything don’t blame them. Long as you can fake it til Friday (or whatever your Friday is as min wage isn’t often the MF 9-5) you’ll be fine.

    Hang in there!

    • #131478

      TheLostGirl
      Participant

      I hate everything about it. I hate cleaning and handling because I have to multitask and force myself to focus which is exhausting because the job is dull but very demanding. Then there’s the fact that, even though I’m on my fourth day working as a cashier, I’m getting hounded on by my supervisor for making mistakes and I’ve told her I have ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder, so that should register in people’s heads that I’d have a tendency to forget things and need a few repeats for me to fully remember tiny details that everyone should know. She tells me “it’s not that hard” and that if I make a few more mistakes then I might have to be taken off working on the registers for good.

      The most aggravating thing about it is the multitasking and the customers. Especially when they’re self-entitled and or idiotic but like to talk down on you as if they know how to do your job. Another thing I hate about the customers is when they mumble to themselves or overcomplicate their order by explaining the details of what comes with the order (that comes with me f****** up because of my Auditory Processing Disorder)or they are all over the place with their order because they don’t know what they want (I can handle that as long as they are understanding that they are f****** confusing and that I’m not a robot). I can list a plethora of examples of customers that almost make me lose my temper, which is another problem I’m starting to have because I’m frustrated as hell and I’m tired of not being good at anything, while being talked down to at the same time.

      I was also never told that I should memorize the menu, and I didn’t know I would have to because no one tells me squat when it comes to important details. You literally either sink or swim in this godawful job, which is the worst thing for someone like me. The people who manage it are horrible with communication and tend to be unprofessional at times too. I was even told “We treat everyone in our profession the same regardless of their issues.” I understand not giving into someone who uses their disorders as an excuse all the time but accommodations would help the place run more smoothly, and it’s not like I can zap a wand and my brain is magically turned to normal.

      There’s also the fact that I haven’t done basic algebra with money for about 4 to 5 years, so I forgot some of the basics of “trading in a dollar in exchange for change when a customer gives me extra change.” This also makes me feel extremely dumb because I was actually really good at math in school but haven’t used it for a really long time, and now that has put a toll on my self-esteem even more.

  • #131367

    Breathofrane
    Participant

    I’m only speaking from personal experience. Steroid meds didn’t work for me at all. Bad side effects. I use a nonsteroid med that seems to be working for me. Strattera, what I use, also has a low dose of antidepressant in it.

    I was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my mid to late 30s. I had a fast food job that was really hard. I tried to memorize what was in each meal, what the ingredients were for each item, etc. The only way I learned was by making them myself and cheat sheets. ARe there any employee cheat sheets for the register? Any you can make yourself? Keep them with you at the register.

    I don’t have, and have never had, therapy for my ADHD. No one in my area provides it. It may help, though. I’d give it a couple tries. If you really don’t feel comfortable with the first one, try another. Some people feel more comfortable talking to their own gender. Also, there are a lot of great ADHD gurus on Twitter that might help. There are several parts of adhd that I had no idea were part of it!

  • #131440

    elisecampbell88
    Participant

    Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I’m 50 years old and have more-or-less diagnosed myself after reading about adult ADHD (I can’t afford a real diagnosis, and the one time my family doc got me an appointment with a psychiatrist, she had me fill out a two-sided questionnaire and just went with those results). I’ve had at least 20 different jobs in my life, and have now been unemployed for two years.

    I always found “survival” jobs really hard. They may not require special training but do ask for a wide range of neurotypical skills. I also have dyslexia and dyscalculia (a big problem with doing calculations), so I almost always fall short somewhere along the required duties (being a cashier was a nightmare). So I tend to suck at jobs that pay very little and in which I’m not treated well.

    I completed a bachelor of arts and then trained for working in film and television. I threw myself into doing the work obsessively, because I was terrified of getting fired from yet another career field. I rocketed to success very quickly, and then had a big fall; I couldn’t maintain the energy to be “perfect”. My self-esteem took a huge hit, and I’ve bounced around taking odd jobs here and there. It’s a viciously competitive market, and it attracts some pretty nasty characters, so that didn’t help. Also, industry changes have meant traditional jobs are evaporating as TV stations and newspapers lay off and shut down.

    So I’m almost in a worse place than I was in my 20s! That’s embarrassing. A few years ago my husband left me, complaining that I wasn’t a reliable earner and thus he was wanting a more “normal” wife (I didn’t even know I had ADHD then, I just knew something seemed broken within me). I was devastated and completely heartbroken. I hate to admit it, but I never got over it. I feel like an epic failure. I didn’t have kids because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle all the millions of expectations mothers have to deal with; I couldn’t see the point in doing something so hard that was also doomed to failure.

    At the same time, people think I’m doing great; I am impeccably groomed (almost obsessively), I’m funny and charming and I seem incredibly insightful. I just can’t show how much I’m struggling; years of negative and corrective responses to previous pleas for help have made me terrified. I faked it, I made it, and now I’ve failed. It’s incredibly depressing, and I feel like I’m out of answers.

    Sigh… I do keep trying, though. I apply for jobs every week. I have some film proposals that might be eligible for funding. I work out regularly. And I keep a very busy social life, because having fun make a huge difference. After my diagnosis, I also joined an ADHD Adult support group, and it’s incredibly helpful. It’s a bizarre feeling to have people describe going through the exact same challenges I face; I feel as if they are reading my mind.

    All is not lost; however, getting out of bed every morning is pretty damn hard.

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