June 29, 2020 at 9:26 pm #177855
My husband and I have been married almost 12 years. We are opposites – he’s got inattentive ADHD and I’ve got hyperactive type. Basically this means he zones out, he’s dreamy and unaware and is terrible at making me feel seen. He is also slow to make decisions and often starts but never finishes projects. I, on the other hand, like to have fun, make impulsive decisions and do new things. We both like being active but otherwise I feel like we are on separate islands. We’ve tried counseling individually and together, and both have tried meds.
I feel so resentful, bored and quick to get angry with him most of the time now and I really don’t know what to do. I love our kids and don’t want to make things hard for them but maybe long term relationship s are just not good for me? Help!
June 30, 2020 at 11:59 am #177910
As a married man of 25 years I wonder if you can look at your husband with more compassion. You describe him in very negative terms and yourself in more positive. What are the positive sides to his slow approach to tasks..how can you help him get things done how can he help you have more fun what new things could you find to do together as a family. What projects can you help him finish? My daughter has helped my wife and I clean up our home,she’s 21,and is doing so in a way we cant or haven’t been able to for years,that is in a organized clear steps and within a timetable. It’s very freeing to cart off boxes to the goodwill etc. Try to reframe your relationship by seeking positive feedback on both sides…start small…I’m working on that in my marriage all the time..when I make myself make the effort.
July 3, 2020 at 2:05 pm #178157
Make it routine. Schedule 1-2 times a week where you do things together. Your husband’s awareness isn’t sharp necessarily if he’s dreamy. So, what structure and routine can you put in place so your times of connection don’t rely on his awareness?
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
July 5, 2020 at 12:02 pm #178263
Even in marriages between two people who don’t have ADHD, becoming a bit complacent and “bored” with eachother happens. You need to plan to do things together that will keep things interesting, for both of you. Marriage isn’t always effortless and easy.
- This reply was modified 6 days, 23 hours ago by AdeleS546.
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