How to handle different thinking
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Hello, all,
I sometimes find my husband’s way of thinking maddening. I wonder how others handle this. I can give many examples:
1. When I try to tell or ask my husband something, he interrupts and comments on what he thought I was going to say. It’s hard to convince him to listen and let me finish, then respond.
2. It’s raining. I noticed a ceiling looks wet in one spot. My husband volunteered to move a piece of furniture instead of going in the attic to see if the roof is leaking.
3. If he agrees to do something, he often does something different, then instantly raises his voice when I try to ask why. Or he does nothing and claims he never agreed to do the thing, that I’m mistaken.
4. If I hire someone to do a repair that my husband promised to do and did not, he often interferes. It can range from having something in the way and telling the contractor to skip that portion of the job, that he will do it himself later, or coming to me after the contractor leaves, complaining about something being done ‘wrong’, instead of commenting to the contractor at the time or asking me to comment.
5. He will repeatedly do something he knows will cause damage, such as putting a wet glass on a good piece of furniture, then says he forgot it would leave a ring. Or he says he had no idea anything bad would happen, who knew?
6. If I notice something is getting damaged, such as he left something outdoors, my husband may comment he noticed it some time ago. If I ask why he did nothing, he is instantly in fight mode.I can give many more examples. How do you interact with someone whose way of thinking is so very different from your own?
Angie
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Need more information – does he have a diagnosis of some kind?
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Experts will tell you the diagnosis does matter. It validates struggles, and lets you know what you’re dealing with and how best to approach it. It also, most importantly, opens the door to treatment, which is vital to any improvement.
There are definitely strategies that can help manage the day-to-day and keep your relationship healthy:
In every relationship each party brings strengths and weaknesses, including those without ADHD. Assigning roles based on each party’s strengths will be most successful. For example, I’m the one who handles all the finances and financial decisions and I make the majority of phone calls to take care of things. That’s where my husband struggles most, and where I can do well. My husband handles all home maintenance and repairs, because that’s where he’s very knowledgable. And so forth…
Penny
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism-
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He doesn’t complete his commitments, without a lot of reminding and nagging, usually. It’s just part of him I’ve accepted. It can be infuriating at times, but having a child with ADHD and working to understand him led me to understand my husband much better.
Penny
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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