How to Deal with Parents in denial of ADHD

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    • #73547


      So, I’m 29years old, just recently diagnosed with ADHD and been on medication (Vyvanse 50mg) for 2months with satisfactory results.
      As soon as I learned what ADHD was, I was convinced I had it but fear, shame, low-self worth, addictions & chaotic lifestyles made it hard to obtain a diagnosis. And I’m so grateful to finally be on this new path of discovery and reckoning with a new understanding of my past.
      In the last year I’ve moved back in with parents and my sister(27years old). When I was diagnosed I was met with a lot of opposition from my mother. Which isn’t shocking given her strong bias against pharmaceuticals in favour of “natural” remedies/treatments. Since doing research on ADHD I’ve come understand that my mother also has STRONG symptoms of ADHD.

      How do adult children deal with their parents who are either in denial of their children having ADHD or are in denial of themselves having ADHD? What are you struggles? What are your solutions?

      It’s so frustrating, as an adult who has reckoned with their ADHD & learn how to cope skillfully as an independent person, to see their parent(s) struggle. Besides the strains this takes on our relationship, I can foresee how this denial/shame she exhibits will make taking care of her in her older age that much more difficult.
      Neverminding her projections of how people with ADHD are lesser humans, something I’m already used to hearing being a queer, trans* person.
      It’s the fact that if she could overcome this hurdle of shame she could start living/loving her life more fully.

      Parents often talk about how hard it is to have children with ADHD. But boy o boy, is it ever hard being an adult child with ADHD parents in denial.

    • #80313

      DON’T. I know it sounds harsh and simplified but as a 39 year old (rounding down) who knew on first site of the term I had it 24 years ago – It is not going to change. Really sorry to break it to you, but that is how it goes for most as far as I can tell. I am a bus driver in a big city full of crazy people (even crazier than me) and I have swapped more war stories than you can count. I have NEVER heard of denial parents (on this subject or pretty much any other) converting.

      The “good” news:
      You can learn to at least feel better about yourself by just letting them live in their own world. It is uncomfortable for them to change so just keep telling yourself “I am bigger, stronger, and more generous than you – and I will revel when the day comes that you realize it and look at me as the greater good I have become”. Imagine you were a loving spouse who was seduced by someone who was WAY out of your league. It eats away at you to keep the secret but if you break the silence you are only being selfish.

      LOL. Sorry. I suppose you will have to get used to the fact that here people will start answering your post before reading it all, like I did. Just noticed the “queer trans” bit. So you already know what I’m saying, don’t you?

      Also, an exact ditto with my mother. She is famous as “crazy Izzy” – a well known quirky woman who was a renowned artist in her day.

      Going to take a leap here – “queer trans” and all I’m guessing you are on the West coast like me. And you moved from the East to get away from your family. I should add that I worked my ass off and spent every penny visiting them when I was broke and making them happy and now that I have kids they won’t lift a finger to help me or even meet us half way when we travel. I don’t think I will be seeing much of them anymore. Especially after I leave my intolerant wife that they pushed me into marrying…

      Oh well… This is the first time I have ever written a long post on the internet for anything but your situation just screamed at me so I had to sign up and bang this out. If you want anymore advice or anything I’ll be around. I’m full of the stuff when it’s not MY problems 😉

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