January 15, 2019 at 1:40 am #106710
I am so frustrated. I was diagnosed with ADD last summer and it was relieving to know I wasn’t just a loser. But I feel so stuck in a rut. My house is a disaster, my relationship with my husband is a disaster, my “job” (more of a hobby that makes me some extra cash) is a disaster lately too I am a walking disaster. The only thing I seem to manage is being a mom and some days that feels like it’s own disaster.
I desperately want to have a clean and tidy house and make home made meals most days of the week. But I just can’t.
Meds have done nothing so far and I’m feeling more discouraged than ever. I was so hopeful we could find something that worked when I was diagnosed, but I feel like that hope is dying.
January 15, 2019 at 6:38 am #106715Spaceboy 99Participant
Well done for reaching out!
So, what’s clear is that you have a lot of different areas in your life where you’re having difficulties. What particular areas are you struggling in? So, for example, you mention that your house is a disaster- do you mean that it’s in disrepair, that it’s unclean, or untidy? With your relationship with your husband- are you arguing more, does he resent your ADHD, does he understand how your ADHD affects you?
I know I sound patronising right now, but the first step in working out a plan for dealing with these kinds of things is listing them out clearly so that you know what all the elements are, and then working out an individual plan for each one.
You’ve explained that meds are currently ineffective. What meds are you taking, what other ones have you tried, what dosage, how long have you been taking them for, and does your specialist know that you’re finding them ineffective? Remember that there are about 50 different ADHD medications, and not all of them work for everyone. Just because you haven’t found the right one yet doesn’t mean you never will. Also, are you noticing any NEGATIVE effects from your pills? If you are, you need to consult your specialist immediately, as you’re not supposed to experience ANY negative side effects, at least not without MASSIVE improvement in your symptoms.
You also mention that your specific goals are to have a clean and tidy house and to cook every day. What strategies do you have in place to help with this? Where do you find that the whole plan comes tumbling down? I know that, for me, I have days when I clean, and days when I cook. If I try to do both on the same day, I wind up wiped, and grouchy for the rest of the day. That doesn’t mean that I never do both on the same day, it just means I hate the world on days when I have to.
I, personally, have quite a lot of experience when it comes to cooking at least. Can I ask what kinds of meals you’re trying to cook? Bear in mind that there are some delicious and nutritious meals that you can whip up in 45 minutes, or even less (not that I’ve ever managed to cook anything in less than 2 hours). You don’t have to make a full roast every day 🙂
With tidying, are you the ONLY person doing the tidying in the house? Could you leverage your children to, for example, put away their own toys at the end of the day? Or implement an ‘only four toys out at a time’ rule? Could you get your husband to help fold the laundry?
If you’re in a situation where your house has been an utter mess for a very long time (so that the dining table is buried in a mountain of paperwork, like my Mother’s table perpetually is), you maybe need to enlist your husband’s help one weekend (or several) to get EVERYTHING in order- one cleanup to rule them all- then after that you only need to MAINTAIN that state. I know that’s a lot easier said than done, but it’s also a lot easier to KEEP something tidy than it is to MAKE something tidy. Getting everything in order to begin with could be the first step in getting to that state you desperately want.
If you have any questions or thoughts on anything I’ve said, please feel free to ask. If you want some example recipes for quick meals, I’m happy to provide those, too 🙂
January 15, 2019 at 11:22 am #106747
You don’t sound patronizing. 😉 I appreciate it!
Untidy, granted my kitchen floor is unclean but that’s a whole story. My son is under 2 so while I do try to get him to help tidy his toys, he doesn’t fully understand that concept yet. We don’t leave dangerous things lying around.
My husband says he understands but he doesn’t really. To him, I should be able to get it all done simply by trying harder. He hasn’t said that in so many words but we both know that’s how he feels. It’s gotten to the point where I resent him for it and so now I snap at him when he suggests things. It’s just a mess. He always has these ideas of how “we” could keep the house tidy, but he often doesn’t follow through and gives me a hard time for not following through. (I know I’m making him sound horrible, so keep in mind this isn’t all the time. Just what our fights stem from.) He usually is the one who does the dishes and does help with his laundry if I ask.
With meds, I honestly don’t remember which ones. I know I have the papers somewhere but the switching made it hard to remember. Currently I am off meds (other than antidepressants) because financially we need a break. Our health coverage doesn’t cover them.
With cleaning and cooking I lack the motivation to get started. It’s overwhelming. I make sure my son has a healthy meal but I eat cereal. Or something equally as simple.
The maintaining is where I truly struggle. My organization skills are decent when I get around to it. But I flit from one thing to the next forgetting to clean up what I was last using. 🙈
I am seeing a psychiatrist in Febuary so I’m hoping he will be of more help than the therapist I’ve been seeing at the doctors office.
January 21, 2019 at 12:19 pm #107256KarolParticipant
I actually didn’t do too badly in my life (I’m 76 now)……….but I always seemed to have to struggle more than other people.
I wasn’t diagnosed with ADD until my 70’s. Previously I had been taking Paxil (for depression) for some 20 plus years.It seemed to give me a bit more control on my life, but not a great deal. In any case, my doc was reluctant to presribe stimulants (ritalin, concerta, etc) at my age. So we tried generic Strattera….which is not a stimulant and works on the brain chemistry in an entirely different manner. It has made a huge difference in my life. Obviously, it doesn’t work for everyone.
Your specific case reminds me of myself many, many years ago when I had 3 young kids. I went to a counselor since I simply could not cope with keeping things organized, food shopping, cooking, etc. on a very limited budget.
The counselor was an older woman, and gave me some advise on where to start. Start in the kitchen……get it organized, and make a daily routine to keep it tidy. Do the same for your bathroom(s). If you can keep these two rooms mainly tidy & sanitary………. don’t worry too much about the rest of your house. In fact, try not to even “see” the rest of the house for as long as it takes to feel more comfortable with all your duties. That might be several weeks, or several months, or even several years.
January 15, 2019 at 12:44 pm #106770Penny WilliamsKeymaster
Overwhelm can be paralyzing for anyone. And distraction easily pull us away from what we think we should be doing, especially if it’s an undesirable task.
Here are some strategies to help you get things done:
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
January 15, 2019 at 12:48 pm #106772Spaceboy 99Participant
Ok, so this is much more helpful 🙂
I’m gonna skim over some of your points, and go into detail on others.
Ok, so obviously making your kids tidy isn’t an option 😛 You MAY have to live with having a SLIGHTLY messy house until junior grows up, unfortunately.
With your husband, how much does he actually understand about your condition? For that matter, how much do YOU understand about it? It’s a very common misconception that people with ADHD ‘Just need to try harder’. ADHD is caused by insufficient dopamine production in the brain. Not having enough of the ‘reward chemical’ in our brains makes us distractible and gives us spotty attention, because our brain is always looking for whatever is the most stimulating, instead of what’s the most important. You can’t try harder at producing chemicals in your brain 😛 There are some good YouTube resources on ADHD. I especially like the channel ‘HowToADHD’, and there are some good introductory videos on there, including ‘What Can I Tell You About ADHD’ and ‘How To Help Someone With ADHD’. They’d probably be good places to start for your Husband.
On your part, I know it’s extremely frustrating when people JUST DON’T GET IT, but TRY to be understanding of the fact that it’s really difficult for neurotypicals (‘normal’ people) to know what it’s like to be inside our heads. It’s an experience that’s RADICALLY different to their own. With his ideas for keeping the house in order, does he not follow through because he feels like you’re not following through either? Do you agree that his ideas are actually good? With ADHD, you have to structure your plans around the person with ADHD, not the other way around. With division of labour, would it be better for you if you BOTH had an equal hand in doing EVERY task, or is it better for you if he takes care of some tasks, and you take care of the rest? While you do need to take him and his feelings into account, it’s no good taking his feelings into account all the way, and then nothing ever getting done. Then NEITHER of you is happy.
With your meds, if you’ve been trying multiple different ones, that’s a little less encouraging, but bear in mind that there ARE about 50 different kinds. Once you find the ones that work for you, you’ll be golden. But the health coverage issue is a major concern. ADHD meds are only affective as long as you take them, and consistency is key. I don’t know much about US healthcare, but is there any way you could switch your provider or something so that you could get ADHD meds? Not medicating your ADHD is like not medicating allergies, or the flu, or an infection. They’re not just pills that make your life a little easier, they’re pills that make it possible for you to LIVE normally. In a lot of ways they’re as essential as food.
Motivation to get started is a tricky one. There are some articles on here I know are useful, but I can’t remember what any of them are called. Some methods you could try are timetabling, so you know that on Monday you have to clean the kitchen, Tuesday the living room, and so on. Alternatively, on Monday you could Vacuum the house, Tuesday you could Dust, Wednesday you could do Laundry, etc. Whatever way you decide to do it, it’s important to break up the task into manageable pieces, and to MONOTASK. Don’t start vacuuming, realise that there’s a pile of something that needs tidying, so you stop to tidy, then remember that you left the oven on, then clean the dishes… to infinity. If you’re vacuuming and there’s a pile of stuff, vacuum around the pile. Tidy the pile later. Write it down on a piece of paper if you like, to do AFTER you’re finished vacuuming. The space under the pile can get vacuumed next week 😛
Regarding cooking, if your son has a healthy meal, can’t you cook twice as much and eat the same thing he does? Another good thing to come to grips with is what EXACTLY about getting started overwhelms you? Is it the large list of things that need to be done before you can begin? Is it how very long it seems like it’s going to take? Are you afraid of getting started, only to find out that you have 50,000 other things you need to do? What steps can you take to minimise the stress of these activities? With cooking, for example, could you do meal prep? Could you chop and peel and cut all the ingredients you need for the week’s meals on Sunday, possibly with help from your husband? Could you make up massive portions of stew, pasta, rice, curry, once or twice a month and freeze them so you only need to reheat meals each day? Could you make very large portions of your meals so that instead of needing to cook seven times a week, you only need to cook three times, and you have leftovers every second day? While these techniques won’t help you start and won’t make the tasks any less daunting, having to do them LESS will reduce your stress overall.
With the maintaining, like I say, monotasking is your friend. I know it’s hard, and it’s doubly hard without medication, but limiting your focus to one activity or one room will make it a lot easier, as long as the house is in order to begin with.
As a final suggestion, is there anything you can do that would make certain stressful tasks go away? For example, I constantly forget and forgot to vacuum. To save the arguments, we bought a robot vacuum cleaner (but it has to be one with a camera, and you have to be careful that there’s nothing the robot can damage), which takes care of 90% of the work. I still didn’t do the remaining 10%, so we bought a cordless vacuum cleaner that hangs on the wall right in front of the door into our apartment. I see it every day when I walk in, and the first thing I think is ‘does anything need to be vacuumed’? Also, it being RIGHT THERE makes me more likely to use it if I spill or drop something, or if I suddenly see a dust bunny. Things like this can massively reduce the amount of effort you need to use to actually START or ACCOMPLISH a task, and they’re worth looking into. After all, what’s worth more- money, or your marriage?
I hope your talk with the psychiatrist goes well. Hopefully you can come up with some decent coping strategies. In the meantime, I really hope that what I’ve written here helps you 🙂 Best of luck!
January 16, 2019 at 11:26 am #106856SueTParticipant
I am waiting to be diagnosed with ADHD. My son was recently diagnosed and that’s when the pieces started falling into place. I don’t have lots of answers, but there is one book that helped me 15 years ago on my cluttered messy house and I still use it’s methods to some point. Now that I’m reading up on ADHD I’m wondering if it was written specifically for ADDers??? 🙂
The book is Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley – The FlyLady
There is also a website flylady.net
And now there is even an app that you can have on your phone!
Just remember as you read the book or follow online that you don’t have to do everything to the letter of the law if it doesn’t work for you. You can totally revamp the routines to work with your lifestyle.
January 21, 2019 at 8:29 am #107213usasusieParticipant
I’m not sure I have any answers, but if it helps I feel just like you at the moment. My kids are older, but aside from that I read your post saying “yes! Me too! Yes!”. I have not been officially diagnosed, but I did go through some research on this last year and I am pretty sure I have ADD. I feel like I have been flailing my entire life. And it’s bringing me down. Also keep in mind that this is a hard time of year. New Year’s resolutions quickly come and go. Maybe pick one thing. I just joined a program that starts this week called uncluttered. It from a guy Joshua that can be found on social media with – living minimalist or something like that. Anyway – Injust want you to know you aren’t alone. Hang in there – one step at a time.
January 21, 2019 at 11:05 am #107240debbieobrParticipant
I have never posted before but when I saw the post from C Nicole, I couldn’t help myself. I’ve had ADHD all my life and take medication for it but it doesn’t work very well anymore. C Nicole sounds like my twin sister and I mean my “identical” twin sister. I have lost hope that anything will ever get better for me. When I was younger the meds worked better and I got through some college but I had a brain tumor removed in May 2012 and the meds have hardly worked since then. I wanted to go back and finish my last 12 credits and graduate but it just isn’t going to happen.
My husband just thinks I fake all of my problems and that I am lazy. My kids who are grown now and have their own kids won’t even talk to me and they live across the street. I have had no contact with them for almost a year. Since the surgery, I tend to interrupt people, go off topic, talk to loud and talk about things that are inappropriate for their kids to hear. After I do these things I go home and realized what I did but by then its too late. I already made myself look like an idiot. About a year ago I was talking to the grandkids who are 13 and 14 about relationships and I guess it wasn’t appropriate because when my son got home from work he came over and said I was no longer welcome at their house and not to contact them. It is very hard because I know they think I’m just stupid and have no social skills but I am their mom and I raised all 5 of them the best I could. They also blame me because their Dad divorced me for the same reasons.
I read all the books I can find and read my ADDitude magazine which at least helps me be aware of what happened but I also have severe RSD. I don’t have a social life anymore. I’m afraid to go near or talk to anyone because I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong like I usually do. I just sit in my room and read books all day. I’ve tried to find a job but my last boss fired me because I was too disruptive. I tried not to be but my brain just does it even though I try so hard not to. I am 57 and I keep wishing I would die this young and not in my 90’s like my mom and grandma but it scares me to think I will be this lonely and stupid for the next 30 years.
Is their anyone out their that has ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity and learned out to get better?
January 25, 2019 at 11:05 am #107557
Oh girl, you’re breaking my heart! No one should be alienated from their family for something they can’t help!
A lot of my impulse control actually stems from my anxiety and fear of getting in trouble so I don’t have any advice. But I truly hope you can figure something out and mend those broken relationships. ❤️
January 21, 2019 at 1:32 pm #107257Turquoise DoveParticipant
Quickly, I just want to share that I have treatment-resistant ADHD, panic disorder anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. I felt hopeless just like you. I have suffered many years, tried all the traditional medications. I felt like I was on a medically induced merry-go-round everytime I tried a new one. I finally just gave up.Recently, however, due to my serious impulsivity, I did something that’s going to cost me most, if not all, of my savings. So, once again, I went looking for someone who might be able to help me, and this time I found a psychiatrist willing to think outside the box. I now take Vyvanse:a relatively new ADHD medication,baclofen:a muscle relaxer,, quetiapine:an antipsychotic and gabapentin:an anti-seizure medication. I don’t know why this combination works. I’m not psychotic and I don’t have seizures, but this cocktail works for me and is easy on my organs.The mmeds,other than the Vyvanse,are all non-addictive. I don’t abuse the Vyvanse, so that’s not that’s not a problem. I figured I didn’t need an addiction problem on top of everything else!What I’m suggesting is that finding a psychiatrist who is willing to look into your health issues and try nontraditional medications might be worth finding.
January 21, 2019 at 6:02 pm #107271RagingADHDParticipant
I just want you to know that you are not alone at all. I was diagnosed about 4 years ago, and it was a revelation. I had good benefit from my medication, but it isn’t a silver bullet and it didn’t fix everything. I have been through plenty of ups and downs where I feel exactly like you describe – a walking disaster, even with my meds.
Here are some things that have helped me when I am in that place.
1) It’s completely normal and expected for your symptoms and your feelings to go up and down. My doctor said, “the only consistent thing about ADHD is inconsistency.” You are having a bad time with your symptoms right now. Remember that — these are SYMPTOMS. They don’t define you as a person.
2) This is a temporary bad spell. The way you feel will change, whether you do anything about it or not. Of course, if you can make some constructive steps, it will get better sooner and stay better longer.
3) The feeling of overwhelm or “I just can’t even, I don’t know where to start” is a lack of dopamine in your brain. You need dopamine to help you get started on tasks and feel like you can succeed. Good news – medications are not the only way to get a dopamine boost.
Anything that gives you a sense of reward, accomplishment, fun, winning, or happy anticipation can create a “hit” of dopamine. Give yourself star charts! Give yourself rewards! Take a few minutes to enjoy something healthy and nice – smells, textures, sunshine, playing with your son, music, intimacy with your husband, or even checking things off a list – whatever puts a smile on your face.
(Sometimes I write things on my list after I already did them, just so I can check them off. Hooray!)
Cultivating little habits of fun isn’t irresponsible or lazy. It’s an important part of self-care. And it works.
4) You don’t have to do things the same way other people do them, in order to create a happy, healthy home. It’s great to get ideas for systems or methods that could possibly work for you. Try stuff. If it makes you happy, keep it. If it makes you stressed, scrap it. Do not buy into anything that says it’s The One Right Way To Be. It’s a lie. There will be ways that work for you, and they will probably be a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and 100% you, because you are unique. I saw the recommendation upthread for FlyLady. I have had some benefit from her methods – especially the way she breaks things down in small steps so you can get a quick win, and really celebrates each little thing.
5) Are you sleeping okay? Getting enough sleep, and enough quality sleep, is absolutely vital for your brain to function. It’s important for depression & anxiety as well as ADHD. And there’s more and more research showing that the majority of people with ADHD also have sleep issues – up to 75%. Personally, I have sleep apnea. I thought I was losing my mind before I was diagnosed. I was in bed plenty of hours – but my brain was completely stressed and sleep-deprived because it wasn’t **good** sleep. Try working on your bedtime and getting enough hours. If the hours aren’t helping, see if you can get your doctor to prescribe a sleep study. It could be a game-changer for you.
6) Get outside. Research shows that time in nature (even just being able to see nature) makes an immediate improvement in mood, concentration, and mental resilience. Leave the dishes and the laundry for another half-hour (it’s not going to explode) and take your little one for a walk. You will feel better immediately, sleep better at night, and get an ongoing benefit the more you do it.
I know this isn’t really about specific methods. But I think those are very individual. When I feel overwhelmed and disastrous, I can’t even use any of the systems anyway. It’s all too much, you know?
You asked, how do you cope? I cope by doing things that make me feel better. And when I feel better, the other stuff gets easier. SO MUCH EASIER.
I hope you feel better very quickly!
January 25, 2019 at 11:08 am #107558
I feel like you get me. 😅
My biggest concern is how easy it is to continue doing the thing that makes me feel good. But otherwise this is great advice! Thank you. ❤️
January 22, 2019 at 2:45 am #107293janiraciParticipant
I see quite a few good suggestions here. No one has asked yet… do you work outside of the home? Also, of you haven’t tried yet, I’d recommend trying some natural treatments. There are so many available if toy go to a health store. They can help with neurotransmitters and calming. They’re not the better all, and all, but definitely a help til you can get back on your meds. When my husband, (who had more symptoms than I do) reads a short article in ADDitude, he takes more in than when I mention something. Perhaps your husband would consider reading more to understand your symptoms?
Hang in there.
January 25, 2019 at 11:12 am #107559
No, I don’t. I barely handled working before I had my son, I can’t do it with him. I sew and sell whatever I make for some extra cash. Which normally I love but I’m in a slump. I swear it’s the time of year. I always seem to struggle in September/October and January/February.
I have been looking into natural alternatives.
And I should get him to read something. Any suggestions?
January 22, 2019 at 8:40 am #107296Sir TapParticipant
I got diagnosed with AD(H)D last year. I really appreciate all of your comments as I can identify with so much of what has been said.
Currently, I am also at a lower point and have decided to start my ADD medication again. It’s just too frustrating to mix up meetings, consistently come too late, forget things, and feel so low to follow a basic routine.
I recently decided to work part-time to not always feel like I’m lagging behind, and that has been wonderful (except that on off days I find it hard to deal with all that sudden free time with no one holding me accountable).
I don’t believe in medication as a magic bullet, and today I spent some time redefining my short, medium and long-term goals in order to get my motivation back and set up a realistic routine again.
Also, the other day I was listening to an ADHD podcast called taking control, and they mentioned how we have to accept that we’ll have ups & downs, and we’ll most likely mess up our routine every now and then, even though we try so hard.
Just some jumbled up extra thoughts 🙂 . Hang in there. We’ll get there eventually.
January 22, 2019 at 3:04 pm #107352newenglandroseParticipant
I truly understand your frustration. I was diagnosed at age 40 (age 48 now). Mom of 2 boys. House, car and mind always a mess my whole life – always late too! Please know that you are NOT ALONE! Many girls and women have ADHD and CAN cope. Please contact me directly. I belong to a wonderful International Women’s Support group – we chat via What’s App. It’s a small friendly group. Woman of all ages from twenties to retired – with and without children. Email me and I’ll get you in touch with the coordinator. You don’t have to do this alone. Paris in New England, USA. firstname.lastname@example.org
January 22, 2019 at 9:04 pm #107386BrianHParticipant
I want to turn off notifications of replies in this thread but there is no way to uncheck the checkbox and hit Submit without also entering text.
January 23, 2019 at 10:59 am #107263BrianHParticipant
I’m a 33 year old male and can identify with a lot of what others in this thread have said. The self-judgement and lack of focus can snowball and just make everything worse. It’s an issue that affects nearly all of us.
I can only offer some advice that my therapist gave me:
Every time you start to judge your perceived failures as personal irresponsibility, remember that your brain will always function different than everyone else. You can’t judge your own successes and failures based on what others accomplish and what is generally accepted as normal. Continuing the cycle of negatively is setting yourself up for future frustration and depression.
You have to radically change your perception of your own accomplishments and abilities. This has nothing to do with what anyone else is capable of, and it doesn’t make you less of a person – just different. Set small goals and be proud of yourself when you accomplish them. Be your own cheerleader and remind yourself that you CAN accomplish anything you put your mind to, you just have to apply your mind in a different way than others. This isn’t just a supportive cliche, you CAN and WILL succeed. We just have to approach the situation appropriately.
So, here are some of the things I have learned to remind myself that it’s okay to be the way I am:
1. [Accept that you are not “normal”] Absolutely number one – remember that a person diagnosed with ADHD literally has different brain activity than neurotypical people. This is okay! We’re all unique!
2. [It’s not your fault] Your lack of motivation and organization is not because you’re not trying hard enough. It isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough. The problem is that everything we’ve been taught about how to live, how to communication, how to think, how to be motivated, and how to control emotions is not applicable for us. We process the world around us differently and need to learn a different way to live. We can’t judge ourselves based on the how the rest of the world operates.
3. [Be your own cheerleader] It’s okay when I don’t hear someone’s response to my question because I started to think of something else. I may have to ask them to repeat their answer, but THAT IS OKAY! I didn’t feel embarrassed, abort my question, and say “never mind.” I was able to overcome my short distraction and still get the information I wanted!
4. [Play fair! Set new rules] Think about the times you have been asked to repeat yourself. Did you think the person asking was probably dumb for not hearing the first time? Absolutely not! Don’t be overly critical of yourself. When caught in a cycle of anxiety and negativity about your actions, remember to think about how you might react if it were you observing someone else. Chances are high that you would shrug off the observation and think nothing of it. It’s better to think “It’s silly that my brain did that” than “I’m a f**king idiot.”
These are the fews things I could think of that help me while I try to learn how to live better and happier with who I am. I’ve been down that road of getting physical with myself – given myself a black eye with my fist, purposefully fell down a flight of stairs, putting holes in drywall by hitting my head against the wall. The only thing it provided was a temporary sense of relief that I was giving myself adequate punishment for my failures and next time I would know better. This logic is completely flawed for me. Punishment doesn’t work the same for people who struggle with memory, attention, and focus.
I wanted to do more than explain some of the physical tools I use to help myself. Here are some photos. I took them all for this post.
Number 1 is a small laminated card I have created which shows the brain activity scan of a neurotypical brain next to an ADHD brain. I think this one is the most important. This is a visual reminder that I am physically different in ways that can’t be seen without expensive medical tests. It is real. I am not a failure for not trying hard enough. I keep one of these in my wallet, one taped to my monitor at work and at home, and one taped to my dashboard in my car.
Number 2 is a photo of the list I made for myself to read in the mornings. When I feel distracted, I can glance at it. I try to remember to have a positive mindset and think “great job for getting to number 3” instead of thinking “you suck for not being ready for work yet.”
Number 3 is a set of the Tile devices I bought. If you lose something with one attached, you can ring it from your phone and it will play an audible tone. You can also hold a small button on any of the devices and it will make your phone ring, in case you lost that. I placed one in my wallet, one in my purse, attached one to my keys, and put one in my work laptop bag. I’m trying to find a way to attach one to my glasses. I had to cancel my errands last night because I spent an hour trying to find my glasses and couldn’t. I finally found them this morning in a fairly obvious place.
Number 4 might be difficult for some to acquire, but has helped me a lot. I purchased a Galaxy Note phone and am able to physically write reminders with a stylus (better memory if I write instead of type) and the notes are available digitally, and can be forwarded to my email inbox. I always tried to help myself by writing notes but I would have 10 different exclusive methods. I would use post-it notes, email myself, use Google docs, try to remember, create an alarm on my phone, etc. It was maddening to have all these notes in different places. When I had a thought I knew I wanted to remember later, I would just go to whatever note-taking method sparked my interest at that moment. Consolidating everything to my phone has been helpful. I’ve started created the habit of looking there first.
Number 5 is a photo of a purse I started carrying so I’ll stop losing everything. It has actually helped me to accept and be confident regarding my ADHD. I’ve been carrying it for 3 months now and the only remarks I have gotten were from women saying “wow, that bag is so cool.”
Remember the most important thing: You can achieve nearly anything you put your mind to, as long as you approach it in a way that is compatible with ADHD, and you remember to be positive about all of your accomplishments – large or small.
January 25, 2019 at 11:20 am #107560
Okay first, I think you are awesome!
I love that poop is so high on your list, it made me laugh. The idea of keeping a picture of the different brain scans is a great idea too
Also I’ve been thinking of trying Tiles but was on the fence, you’ve convinced me!
I carry a diaper bag 🤣 You’d be amazed at what I manage to fit in there.
Thanks for your response! ❤️
January 25, 2019 at 11:23 am #107561
I read everyone’s response and I appreciate each of them. I will be looking into the things you all suggested! Thank you all for taking the time to help! ❤️
January 28, 2019 at 12:24 pm #107729damnmouseParticipant
I cope by saying things like “im a train wreck” and kinda just embracing myself as I am. And trying, trying hard to set myself up to do better, wherever I can. But I will always be an underperforming piece of crap with a shitty short-term memory. I’m someone with a brain that prohibits focus despite IQ testing in the 160-175 range, but at least I have that to console myself and shame myself for.
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