How can an ADHD woman find a new husband after domestic abuse?

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    • #73681
      bippety boppety hat

      I’m a bit stuck – can anyone help please?
      Five years ago the love of my life assaulted me then vanished.
      So now I’m middle aged, single, lonely, diagnosed with ADHD, CPTSD and fibromyalgia.
      Despite lots of counseling and therapy I still assume that any man attracted to me is either going to be boring boring boring (as too many of the world’s men seem, to an educated and adventurous lass like me) or some kind of interesting, dangerous and attractive (to me) nutter, like my ex…
      With rejection sensitive dysphoria, I find it incredibly hard to approach men. Especially the kind of shy, gentle, sane, interesting and intelligent man I would like to be with instead. Twice that now I’ve dared tell a man that I like him, I’ve been knocked back. This leaves me even more depressed, lonely and embarrassed each time, and even more sure I’m unloveable by any decent man (who won’t bore me silly). It takes me ages now to get to know and begin to trust a man enough to consider being open to a relationship with him, and with the fibromyalgia always lurking I don’t have a lot of energy for seeking love any more.
      I’ve tried internet dating many times but I never last with it, as it feels like some kind of shopfront for the body and sewer for the soul. Even if the people I chat to seem nice enough, I can’t smell them and the conversations never move to a date and why should they, given how wary of men I seem to have become..
      So, what is a woman in my position to do?
      Keep trying to seek out a decent man and risking the hit to my mental and physical health each time that process fails?
      Sit and wait for one of the guys who approach me to turn out to be alright, hanging out with them long enough to be sure they are going to be decent to me while also holding them off from any real sexual/emotional connection before I’m sure they’ll be safe for me?
      Something else?
      Thanks for any tips..

    • #73691

      I have CPTSD and ADHD and was fortunate enough to get out of an abusive relationship in 2014. After counseling, support groups, and all the other treatment, I was set to find a guy. But, like you mentioned – they were so boring. It took me awhile to realize that what I needed was to work on myself. Being in an abusive relationship I had denied myself so many things (graduate school, exercise, medical appointments, travel) and being single meant freedom to do those things. After a couple years of that the men that were approaching me were completely different. I was lonely sometimes, but with some therapy techniques and good and bad coping skills I was able to push through. Oh and I reconnected with a friend from college and we have been together for a couple years now.

      • #73693

        Sorry, they were completely different as they were stable, mentally healthy, and had their shit together. Lol

    • #73709
      bippety boppety hat

      That is good to hear, thank you for your tale. Glad you found a proper connection at last!
      I’ve gone back to studying and am looking after myself/my health more than ever before I guess. I don’t really have the heart for traveling alone (apart from for work) nor the confidence to ask to go with a friend.

    • #74039

      I am 54 years old and have ADHD. I’ve been over wired all of my life, married my first husband who turned out to be a very controlling abusive man. My ex’s issues stemmed from childhood abuse and sexual molestation that he seemed to never be able to get over. I left him 28 years ago and never looked back. He made fun of my hyper activity and belittled each time he got. I am who I am, like it or leave, I am me. I’ve been happily married to my current husband for 23 years and he too has ADHD. What is great about this relationship is that we bring balance to chaos, balance to disorganization, and balance to life. Where he is strong I am weak and where I am strong he is weak. We have this ability to bounce off of each other’s energy and continue to move forward. Our logic is completely different and we don’t see a lot of things eye to eye but we together we are one hell of a force. Together we’re unstoppable.
      Your match will come and you feel complete. Not all men beat and abuse others. And yes as women we do find our Prince.

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