January 5, 2019 at 12:55 pm #106226
10 years ago I suffered a ruptured aneurysm which caused a brain hemorrhage, required 12 hours of surgery to clip it, 2 months in coma and a very slow recovery. About 6 years after the operation my neurologist said that eventhough my progress seemed good he had noticed I was putting on a lot of weight and seemed depressed so he suggested I visit a psychotherapist. I went for a few months and after getting to know me and running some tests he said I was presenting symptoms of ADHD or autism. He also said it was impossible to say with absolute certainty to what degree it could be a consequence of my brain injury. I didn’t say anything but I knew better. Everything that he perceived as “abnormal” was plain normality for me as far back as I can remember. My therapy sessions were useful because what was emphasized the most was coping skills for daily living and I needed that. My eating and my mood improved and the excess weight ceased to be a problem at the time. I don’t have any therapy now and I don’t take any medication. I’ve always more or less “managed” to function because there’s always been someone I had to look after or answer to. I had a very strict education in which children psychology was practically non existent and you were just told what was expected of you. I just learnt to imitate and pretend out of fear.Last year, both my children (now grown up) went on their way. I was very happy for them and was quite looking forward to having my own space. I had never lived on my own before. What happened caught me off guard. I’ve spent the last six months only eating what I enjoyed as a child, needless to say, not the most nutritious items in the fridge. I work from home so there’s very few people I need to see unless I want to, and I don’t particularly. I binge on the Internet on anything that interests me and eventhough I still manage to keep my house clean and in order something tells I’m only one day away from being a hoarder, that that’s my true nature. This “holiday” needs to come to an end because I don’t want to live like this anymore (at least a part of me doesn’t) and it’s becoming obvious that I can’t do things just for myself without an external motivation. I suppose I’m lonely though I don’t feel it the way other people do. The same with depression, I just don’t seem to feel it but my appeareance and behaviour says otherwise.
Whatever, I’m determined to claw my way back and if that’s possible, to share my “getting things done” struggles. There is quite a list.
Thanks for reading and thanks for being there. I really appreciate your posts. 🙂
January 7, 2019 at 9:28 am #106272
It sounds like your kids were your motivation to get things done and now you need to find new motivation. Unfortunately, importance doesn’t really motivate the ADHD, so you very well may need some outside help.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
January 7, 2019 at 1:54 pm #106330
I am 53 and got diagnosed 5yrs ago. Its been one 5yr tumultuous emotional experience so far. Im just now getting my head wrapped around it to understand the why,how and what to go on and totally relearn essentially every thing i do to how i retain plan execute unlike all these years of struggling to keep up to what they say with an A tipical understanding that you thought was the only way. Years of compensating to cut corners of trying to keep up in any aspects in life is a receipe for disaster at some point. The invisible shame you incremetally put on yourself little by little, for me , I say 7th grade, is one hard problem that effects all part of your life when that ship of how you fought to keep up runs aground. When I first got diagnosed it was from my reg Dr. He got me on 20mg adderall. Even though it did help, I really wasnt in clear understanding of what all ADD was.For the next 3 years it helped me but to not know how i really needed to totally learn how to retool everything of how i learn plan remember and execute for a different better outcome and successes for even the easiest tasks. I basically hit a ran aground, thankfully not a chemically habit of the iddictive indescretion one like us will fall into as our brain will try to get relief of anxiety and depression to have some kind of fun which ultimately doubles down . There is so much ive learned and you have to find the answers to How ,Why,and What now. I read so many things that tied everything in from the past to how this disability associated with lots in the past. But Im a pragmatic person and started to search and find the nuts and bolts way to attain what i needed to implement for a total relearn. Its all out there put understanding how and what to do and how it may work for you in positive outcomes to build on successes rather than struggling habits of old while life still goes on and do it on the fly is not easy. I,m making positive strives and see possitive outcomes which therefore it gives me reinforced posirive actual feedback. Your not going to solve it overnight, month, or a year. It will be a slow progression. Therapy helps.Im one who would have thought therapy was for the weak and ones wanting to complain to somebody their problems. Its helped like you wrote and posted your story. Im getting therapy just writing this. I never wrote, thats just one thing that will add to what you need. Additude.com is probably the most ive used to keep learning of how ADD efects me. The artcles are short and to the point without staying in focus of 200 page books of ADD hack and covers the wide variety of things that might not peryain to you but might have some coponent that might tigger a closer understanding. The positives about us figuring this out late is we do a have a fast learning curve plus have stayed hard headed to persevere somehow all these years. Im exited of the opportunity of when i hit the ground running when i get most in place.This isnt fun and its up and down and most dont even have a clue ,so dont try to explain it to close family unless they are eager to learn . I hope i hit on some things that spurs on how im struggling but now with a forward positive work in progress fight.Good Luck to you. EA
Ps I didnt proof read as i should’ve took the time i did,so please read between the lines of words used out of contexts.
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