Help to stop negative feedback loops

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    • #189853
      BeardedFlynn
      Participant

      Help, my son has adhd and likely has autism to some degree also. I also have some severe adhd also, and those make things very difficult when he or I are having a tough time with things. What usual seems to end up happening is that he’ll start getting upset and worked up, which can put my on edge, I feel like I’ve tried all the thingsi have read about, like staying calm and talking about breathing or other calming techniques. All he will do is yell over and over again that he doesn’t want to hear me. I’ll try to give him space and he’ll get upset, so I end up being trapped not being able to leave and him screaming at me over and over and it stresses me out so I’m unable to keep my cool. It’s so bad it stresses my wife out about it. I need some advice on this.

    • #189901
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      When an individual is struggling, they either need/want help or need/want silence. Your son is telling you he needs quiet to be able to calm (when emotions hijack the brain, access to the frontal lobe/thinking brain is closed off, so talking and trying to listen and comprehend adds to the overwhelm and pressure).

      You have to be comfortable too though. I’d talk with your son in a calm moment and explain to him that the outburst is really difficult for you too. That you need to step away while he’s calming down so that you can give him what he needs, but also be ok yourself as well.

      If he’s uncomfortable with you being out of sight, continue sight-lines but use headphones. Or set a particular place that he knows he can find you when he’s calm. You can each stipulate a calm spot.

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #189910
      Gazettechan
      Participant

      let us just spread love and kindness. That is the least we can do

    • #189923
      mano
      Participant

      Sometimes quiet time works.try with soft music. Music really helps a lot.

    • #189930
      Gazettechan
      Participant

      This is workable, which is to talk with your son in a calm moment and explain to him that the outburst is really difficult for you too. T

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