HELP for my adult ADHD son – 40 job later…….

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones HELP for my adult ADHD son – 40 job later…….

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    • #58840

      My son was diagnosed with childhood ADHD at the age of 12 and was medicated to enable him to continue within mainstream school, which was an ongoing struggle, once he left school he stopped taking the medication as he was informed at the time he would “grow out” of his ADHD. He has spent the last 11 years struggling with life in general, as most ADHD suffers do. He has just lost his 40th job, which in his word is soul destroying. He recognised his struggles and researched adult ADHD and realised that he was misinformed by the professionals and that childhood ADHD can progress into Adult ADHD and not everyone “grows out of it” so three years ago he decided to try and help himself and seek help from our GP. This has proven to be a demoralising journey, having obtained his childhood records the GP advised he couldn’t just go back on the medication. He would need to be assessed again. Having requested a referral, and after many many phone calls later finally he was referred to the Adult ADHD clinic. Having waited a further 6 months and several more failed GP visits he contacted the ADHD clinic only to be told there was a two year waiting list to be seen. Returning to the GP with several further visits, he was told that the only way to get a quicker diagnosis was to get a private one, with recommendations of who to contact. £340 later, money that he does not have he finally obtained the Adult ADHD diagnosis that he and everyone involved knew he needed. Armed with this, which had also been sent to the GP. Several calls later, he was informed by another GP in the same practice that although he has now been diagnosed with a condition he has had all his life, they were unable to prescribed him any medication, as he still needs to be seen by the Adult ADHD Clinic. When he explained the previous advice given by the GPs colleague the response from that GP was well i suggest you write to your MP. To top it all, he again called the Adult ADHD clinic to enquire if he could be seen and their response was we now have a three year waiting list as the government has cut the budget again. When my son explained the catalogue of events leading to his call, their advise was to complain to our local CCG.

      My son is now nearly 30 years old and has recently lost his 40th job, the impact on his mental wellbeing is massive, he continually brushes himself down, and applies for yet more jobs, continually attempts to hold down relationship, continually tries to live his life, but this is having a gradual affect on him, and i am so worried at how much more he can take. We are all at our wits end, and feel like he is just fobbed of with false information to make him go away. He is a wonderful human being who deserves so much more than this.

      Please if anyone has any advice with getting any help for my son please let me know.

      • This topic was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Netti.
    • #58985

      Hi Netti!

      I’ve never been diagnosed myself,but I struggle with certain aspects of what your son is going through. I married with a son and about 2 years ago ( when I thought my job hopping days were over) I was devastated to find out that I was being let go and even more so to tell my wife and her family. Long story short I had a good week to evaluate myself and found This group helps with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) no medication, no waiting list. They actually give you homework unlike many therapist who just charge you to be a landing pad for emotions. I was seeing a gentleman named Mark, who also has ADHD. Downside is it was pricey. I felt the benefits far out way the price. If your son is single it may be easier. I can’t say what life would be like with a formal diagnoses but even though I’ve gone through depression and abused alcohol for a bit it was easier in the sense that I had great people surrounding me. He’s lucky to have a mother like you who cares so much. Also what does he do in his spare time? I’m getting ready to make career switch again, myself. I think I found out what I want to be when I grow up😜(I’m 32). He knows what he doesn’t enjoy. What does he hyperfocus on? For me… I get stuck outside in the garage trying to build something. Also I know it probably sounds nutty but I feel like some skills and talents are genetic what did his dad, grandfather, and great grandfather do for a living. I’m adopted but there’s a lot of nature at work when it comes to music(my biological father is very musical) I’m going off on a tangent now. Keep your head up. You’re doing great

    • #59021
      Penny Williams

      It looks like you’re somewhere outside the US, so I can’t speak to the process for diagnosis and treatment. I do wonder if there’s an ADHD clinic he can get into sooner, if he were willing to travel an hour or two until he can be seen by the local clinic.

      There are alternative treatments he can try in the mean time to help with symptoms:

      All-Natural Ways to Improve Your Focus

      The Case (and Means) for Holistic ADHD Treatment

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #59024

      Hello, Netti,

      I don’t know much about your healthcare system. I understand people who can pay can get private care, which may not be possible for your son. There is also the option to travel somewhere outside the country where the access to medicines is easier. (For example, adderall is available without a prescription in India. A flight from Heathrow to Mumbai costs about £355, according to the internet.)

      Perhaps you can help your son by going to the GP with him and to help him push for a prescription without having to wait for an appointment with the Adult ADHD clinic. I found this article: If you get nowhere with the GP, maybe the approach of going in person will work at the Adult ADHD clinic.

      No matter whether or not he can get help from the medical system, there are things he can do on his own. Maybe he needs your help to get started – or to persist.

      All the best,

    • #59025

      Hello, Netti,

      I was thinking about your son’s job situation. I know it is hard to find a job, and your son’s job history may make it difficult. Can you or someone help him figure out why he was a poor fit for the jobs he found? Is there something different he can do? Can he be self employed? I am a big fan of ‘thinking outside the box’, and that there is no harm in trying what other people see as crazy ideas. If your son looks around, is there some need he can fill – something he would enjoy doing?

      All the best,

    • #59196

      Hi Netti,
      My Adult Son 33 years old has sadly struggled on that same path notwithstanding early diagnosis he was pulled from pillar to post through 13 schools all unsuccessful in providing any education other than demoralizing him and diminishing any potential gifts that were inherit. Attempting to rationalize their failure and justify shipping him to another school and to mitigate transfer accountability to the Principal by blaming his home environment from broken home raised by a single mother who was neglectful and non supportive to his needs. Providing a detailed professional assessment which suggested his main learning problems rooted from his poor upbringing and shattered home environment. Well with report in hand I assure them that the only people leaving their school would be them not my son. Without authorization they had placed my son’s privacy and safety in jeopardy by contacting my son’s father who abandoned him and lives in BC and court ordered no contact and they should be prepared for the consequences for their irresponsibility. At this point I went back into their office to extend them the Professional cutesy without prejudice to revisit and revise the report recommendations. Challenging their ignorance of me and my background which I informed them that i I wanted to teach that B.Ed professional designation reduced my 7 years studies to B.Comm MBA B.Sc P.Eng. Yes I was a Single Mother of not just one but 4 that were educated and multilingual private schools that my parents are both doctors and our large family are highly educated and successful. My career as Senior Financial Executive was my Nationally Respected and provided an excellent upper lifestyle and opportunities for my kids and they were housed in my 4500 sf Estate Home with a nanny and tutors. As well as my kids were involved in all activities from Riding, Skiing, Ballet etc which I was involved in. Your feedback about a positive change in my son when he started Ritalin was incorrect as he never took meds you just thought that. They refused to amend his report and I assured them that my actions would involve the Minister of Education and the action would strict consequences to your employment security. And it did they were both dismissed and blackballed in Alberta. It’s not what you know it’s who you know and their knowledge of your credit ability and reputation. My associates are Heads of UoC/McGill/UoT/UBC etc Parliament/Supreme Courts/Judges/Lawyers etc you got it and my includes street people/RCMP/Homeless all my support. I was able to lobby for integration of education for student with learning challenges and Special Ed Teacher allocated to provide support. At least those in lower grades benefited by my advocacy. He did find a skill that he successfully but illegally worked to build a lucrative business until he went down. His Dope Business was the only tolerated independent that the Gangs allowed on their territory only due to his customer base. He was solid and connected to the Gang Leaders as they all grew up together we all lived in the same hood. Please copy my Poem “No Hug Rule” this in browser!AikPbW2IK-jHnEeBClrYYBFwPYu5
      Now he has secured an Heavy Duty Mechanic Apprenticeship Job he loves and the earnings are good (not the same as his previous dealings) and has actually worked 5 straight months normally jobs were kept for maximum 5 days. However he has to get his GED Equivalent to continue the 4 year program and that is my concern and am having difficulty getting College program flexibility

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