From the Non-ADHD Partner: I miss the Hyperfocus phase

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    • #73901
      adesperategf
      Participant

      I miss the days when I felt like the most important thing in the world to you. The days when you would call/text first thing in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, and always in the evening. The days when you would come over unplanned because you missed me and wanted to see me.

      Every relationship has it’s “Honeymoon” phase and then the “Comfort Zone” phase. However, when our “Honeymoon” phase was multiplied by 10, the “Comfort Zone” phase felt like a serious blow. Calls and texts would go ignored, seeing you went significantly went down, your mood was so different around me like you didn’t want to be there. I started to wonder what happened, what did I do wrong, do you still love me? I started to research ADHD relationships and came to found that this was quite normal. It didn’t feel normal.

      I used to (and sometimes still) wonder how I could get you to hyperfocus on me again? Do I temporarily break up with you? Is there something that I could change about myself to gain your interest? But it’s not up to me.

      After many talks (and arguments), we came up with a schedule that we still stick to. While it works, there are days where I wish I could have some extra attention without having to ask for it.

      I know you still love me and care for me as I see it through all the effort you put in to stick to our schedule, so please don’t think I don’t notice that. I just miss the romance 🙂

    • #74024
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Relationships with ADHD in the mix can definitely be more challenging. These articles offer some expert advice on not letting the romance die:

      When ADHD Disrupts (and Ruins) the Romance

      How to Keep the Romance Alive

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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