November 25, 2019 at 9:23 pm #135420lynnlParticipant
TLDR: What are the best tips for maintaining friendships with friends that don’t have ADHD in their lives?
Someone we know socially (who I thought of as a friend) told me our child stresses them out. It took me by surprise, and my response was a flustered “thanks for the transparency” kind of thing. (At least that is what my husband says he heard)
Then we just left the event Kiddo’s behavior was just fine, this person has never witnessed a big blowout or anything “big.”
But now I am anxious about managing this relationship moving forward. I don’t want to make excuses, but I felt like her response was a “big dog” response for a “little dog” problem.
I am hurt because our chances to socialize are so limited, and I don’t want a repeat !
November 26, 2019 at 10:08 am #135455Penny WilliamsKeymaster
It’s tough to talk ADHD and behavior with a parent who hasn’t lived it first-hand. They just don’t get it. Hell, I didn’t get it until my child was diagnosed and I spent a ton of time working to understand him and his experience.
I get that a child with ADHD can overwhelm an adult. My own child overwhelmed me when he was little and super hyper. Sometimes his persistence and rigid thinking wears me ragged now, and he’s a teen now. If your child is super hyper or has risky behaviors it can easily cause stress to someone who is naturally protective and/or anxious.
I think taking it as communicating how sensitive or anxious she is and leaving it at that is good for this first time. She may have reflected and realized that you may have taken her statement personally and will be more mindful of what she says to you going forward. If it continues to come up and feels like judgement, then you may have to rethink this friendship — maybe it will be causing you too much stress.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
November 26, 2019 at 11:38 pm #135529lynnlParticipant
Thanks. Yes, dh and I have had these situations before.
This fall we started a plan to have “low drama” social outings. Just to give us a break, have some fun, and check in with the “real world.”
Honestly, when the comment came – we were relaxing and talking about “The Masked Singer”. Dh and I really were feeling pleased with ourselves. (Look at us socialize without a scene! Look at us have a conversation!)
I might have just seemed flustered but I was frustrated and hurt.
Today, rather than regret.. that person has been texting me with more and more justifications for their comments. I see the texts, but am making a point of not clicking on them.. I did go into her profile and put her on mute.
Hope it is going better for the rest of the crew.
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