Friendships and RSD

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    • #181069
      natalee_with2Es
      Participant

      Unsure on whether this is related to anxiety or perhaps RSD but does anyone feel the same

      I feel like my friends don’t like me and I analyse everything they do and use that to judge whether or not they like me.

      So example I turned 21 in may and none of my friends, except my roommate, got me anything.

      My brain tells me this is them not caring about me, my friends actually bought my roommates son presents for his 2nd birthday a few days ago and emotionally it’s hurt me a lot.

      The sensible side tells me it’s because it was in the height of the coronavirus and restrictions were placed but my Brain isn’t sensible and it’s eating away at me.

      I feel like they favour others over me and no one them actually think I’m hurting emotionally or care. I feel the need to constantly validate myself to them by always being there and making sure I buy them gifts for their birthdays and make them feel appreciated. Does anyone else feel these kind of emotions in friendships?

    • #181191
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Sure sounds like RSD and intense sensitivity.

      New Insights Into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

      • #184147
        Gazettechan
        Participant

        I feel for you so much, you are not alone on this. But I hope things will go well soon.

    • #182321
      halfwritten
      Participant

      Natalee,

      You’re not alone. I feel for you so much! I have the same issues with friendships. And so many other things as well.

      Logic often gets shoved aside by the more emotional RSD thoughts. But, take heart. You are noticed, remembered, & loved so much more than you may realize.

      Sending you loads of love! Especially during these intense times

      • #182992
        natalee_with2Es
        Participant

        Thank you so much!

        It sucks not being able to control those feelings even though there is self awareness that its not logical.

        Sending you love as well! we all need it <3

    • #182541
      stimulantofcns
      Participant

      I feel always like this. i want to recommend a book for thoughts like this. Dr David Burns- Feeling Good. it may will help. also you should watch the last video by how to adhd on youtube. you’re not alone 🙁 <3

    • #182692
      Leoamdb
      Participant

      Hi Natalee,

      You are definitely not alone, and RSD is really tough to deal with. I remember 20 odd years ago being told that anyone’s negative reaction to me is just a reflection of them, not me. If you have ADHD (you didn’t specify but as you are here, I’m assuming yes), it often makes you very sensitive and caring to others, which when not reciprocated hurts alot. At the age of 44 I am no better dealing with minor rejections that I was before, but understanding and being open helps. It is easier to compare your self with others, like your room mate) but avoid this. I have a close friend who does not have ADHD and has always been way more popular than me. I, riddled with ADHD, anxiety and RSD, tend to make it hard for others to like me – I accept that and tbh it is a great way of filtering people!

      Many ‘friends’ are not really there for you and and can be very insensitive. Do not emotionally invest in those people. Don’t send them gifts and try to please them, it won’t bring you anything good. Find and form a small group of friends who understand you, value you, and make you feel good about yourself. If you are lucky you might make 3 or 4 of those in your life! Big tip: those close friends are probably the ones who bothered to reach out to you and touch base throughout the lockdown. The rest: treat them as the shallow, sometimes fun, but ultimately undependable acquaintances that they are.

      And don’t worry about the presents – just means you don’t have to get them stuff on their birthdays!

      All the best,

      L

      • #182993
        natalee_with2Es
        Participant

        hello! thanks for your reply.

        I am looking into an ADHD diagnosis as i strongly believe i have it and i really resonate with RSD. I’ts even harder since i am not an open person and i never really lean on anyone when i need it so i can not emotionally express myself so sometimes i feel as though my friends cant get close to me since i bottle everything up. Im coming to realise i need other people in my life but even that is painful since i care so deeply about my friends. Im rambling because i cant gather my thoughts but i really appreciate the reply!
        much love <3

    • #183996
      joansmith
      Participant

      Yes I do feel the same. I always put so much of myself in relationships and friendships but in the end I get all alone. Nobody gives a damn about me and how I feel. So yes I can understand your situation.

    • #184460
      anotherday
      Participant

      I feel the same exact way. I always feel like I’m invited out of pity or seen as a last resort kind of friend especially in group settings.
      Something similar happened to me for my 21st recently too, where only one of my friends got me something and that really hurt (especially for a 21st).
      I was just recently diagnosed with adhd because of these feelings (and the usual symptoms) and still really learning and understanding how its affected me and my relationships. You aren’t alone though!! Recently I’ve been feeling this way with my roommates and constantly finding myself doing little things for them to receive any kind of validation but still overwhelmingly feeling like I’ve been tossed to the side.It’s a horrible feeling and hard for anyone to go through.
      I hope things get better for you 🙂 I just try and remind myself that these kinds of people might just not be real friends in the long run. Keep your head up!

    • #184585
      phantasm
      Participant

      I feel sad that kids of my son’s age dont like him very much because his interests are different from them. These kids like ben10 and the like while my son loves insects, animals, dinosaurs. They find my son off so they dont really mingle with him. 🙁

    • #186120
      nanadd
      Participant

      First I just started guanfacine for RSD and I’m 64 and it has been a total game changer for my lifelong RSD.

      I have five adult children and all have SO. I found myself obsessing about being forgotten on various holidays. I came up with this solution. I do gifts for the grandkids on holidays. For the rest of them including hubby I told everyone I no longer expect gifts on a certain day or will be giving them on a certain day. I am now giving gifts when I am inspired to do so. I have received gifts from the thoughtful ones some on holidays some spontaneous others not so much but they never did. The upside is I manage my expectations and it helps me to not keep score which always triggers my RSD.

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