January 8, 2020 at 4:30 am #137901catfromplutoParticipant
I believe it has been over 7 years after the diagnosis and I was an adult.
My MD initially prescribed bupropion which had just simply destroyed my mood. Even friends at that time kept inquiring whether everything was OK since I was walking around with a constant sullen face.
Then, we tried modafinil. It was amazing in the first months. What really felt fascinating is that despite little sleep, I felt as if I had the most relaxing & refreshing sleep in my entire life. Needless to say, it helped a lot in improving and maintaining my attention. Yet, after a couple of months, I realized its diminishing effect and at some point, it just felt that it does not work any longer.
After a series of comprehensive discussions, my MD decided to give a try to Ritalin. Dear Lord! And Dear Lord again! It transformed my entire life. Immensely!
The person who just could not sit even in a serious lecture or meeting for more than 15 minutes, the person who kept fidgeting, the person who completely lost his attention because of a very simple interruption (such as a basic question like “have you seen my pen?”) and the person who got mad and even visualized himself throwing a chair to the interrupting person (i.e. yes, exactly the same person asking the above-cited basic question) but had to keep all these angry thoughts inside in an effort to maintain fundamental human civility & kindness has disappeared!
Instead, an entirely new person has emerged. This person was even able to complete a law degree and he was on Dean’s List because of his high scores.
All these happened thanks to one dose (or sometimes 1,5) of Ritalin (10 mg.).
Yet, after some point, I felt that I might require additional dose and I shared this concern with my MD. She decided to give a try to Concerta. 18 mg version was from being effective. 36 mg, on the other hand, worked a bit but gave horrible feelings of anxiety. It always felt that something terrible is going to happen very soon. Then, my MD prescribed Medikinet. We tried two different doses: 20 mg and 40 mg. 20 mg did not work at all, whereas 40 mg was much better, but not without problems. That is, it gave me recurring nausea attacks and sometimes headaches, both of which further disrupting my ability to maintain attention.
Than, we returned to Ritalin and this time, up to 3 doses per day.
I feel it is better now and I can keep functioning with a sufficient degree of attention.
However, I just cannot help avoiding the same feeling. I feel tired. Not physically, but mentally. I feel fed-up.
Simply because the fact that I need to take a classified medicine just to do the most basic stuff is exhausting. It feels a kind of disability and I am deeply sorry if this sounds offensive by any means. It is not my intention and has never been.
It is rather the constant dichotomy that makes me feel tired & exhausted. i.e. other people who appear to have no difficulty at all in doing regular stuff vs. me, requiring, constantly requiring, a classified drug to carry out the same tasks.
I would appreciate if you could kindly share how you “manage” these feelings and whether you were able to come to terms with your situation.
Thanks a lot and my apologies again if I ever offended any person/supporter/caregiver.
January 8, 2020 at 8:41 am #137914Penny WilliamsKeymaster
It’s really important to accept your diagnosis and accept who you are and how your brain works. The struggle will be intensified as long as you keep pushing back against your ADHD.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
January 8, 2020 at 4:08 pm #137953ADHDed.SuccessParticipant
I am an ADHD mother with 6 amazing ADHD kids. When i take Ritalin my day goes smoothly and im running my house beautifully and attending to all my kids physical and emotional needs.
When i dont take Ritalin my day goes by with allot of tension, we just swing it , rush it, forget it, find it just make it and a then go a little (too) late to bed.
I look at myself after I clean up , do homework or listen to my teen tell me a long boring story about school, and i think “most people take having attention for granted” Simple little tasks that i can do effortlessly with Ritalin make me feel proud not depressed. WHY? everyone else doesn’t have so many opportunities to appreciate the little things. they don’t notice “wow you put that salt shaker back right away after you used it”! “omg my car keys are in my bag and not on some anonymous counter” “GO ME!”
love yourself and your accomplishments.! make a list every evening of all the things you managed today , all your successes and email it to yourself . enjoy you! celebrate you! and dont think of all the things your losing out on only on the things you are accomplishing and gaining (adhd tend to focus on “what am i constantly losing out on and why me”)
you have so many opportunities to feel proud and wonderful about yourself. Ritalin is a gift! I accept that my brain is made the way it is so lets find all the great things about it and fill our days with success!
January 8, 2020 at 2:07 pm #137942mitzimainerParticipant
I totally understand where you are coming from.
I was diagnosed at 49 in July 2012. My first dose of Ritalin was life changing. I was blown away by how calm I was and for the first time in my life got tired around 10pm and went right to sleep, ahmazing!
However after a few months it dawned on me that I was going to have to take meds for the rest of my life and that depressed me.
I did some research and found a treatment called Neurofeedback and that too was life transforming.
Now 7.5 years later, I am still rooted in calmness, haven’t taken Ritalin since 2013 and feel blessed.
Please consider checking this out. The type I did was The Othmer Method of Neurofeedback.
Insurance usually doesn’t cover it so plan on spending $1,000-$2,000, but I found it well worth it.
Last year I was battling severe depression after going through menopause and did a round of 15 sessions. Depression has been gone now for 8 months. This treatment is great!!
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