Feeling Rejection in Romantic Relationships

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    • #184154
      emmy2016
      Participant

      Hi everyone, I just got diagnosed with ADHD about six months ago. As an adult it is difficult to navigate these feelings since I have never been given the tools. I was wondering if others experience feelings of rejection when their partner is having a particularly busy work period. My partner has been working 60 hour weeks for the past two weeks and is understandably very tired. While I understand that he is very tired I feel as though I have been put on the back burner. I support my partner 100% and just want to be there for him and fix his problems. I mentioned to him that I am feeling a little neglected, which makes me very emotional as my mind kind of just wanders. I asked him if we could spend some time together and he got upset with me. He said that he is very tired from working these long work weeks and that I should be more empathetic to his situation. This hurt me because all I want is to support him and make his life better, I don’t want him to think I do not care about him and his emotions. I feel as though I am very fragile when it comes to attention from a partner. If I do not feel appreciated and loved I lash out in hurtful ways such as starting arguments. I just don’t know if other people feel this too or if I actually am being a bad partner?

    • #184256
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Rejection is a challenge for most people with ADHD. If you haven’t yet, read up on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria:

      How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

      New Insights Into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

      • #184583
        phantasm
        Participant

        Thanks for the article – it was so helpful.

    • #184590
      joansmith
      Participant

      Hey emmy2016,

      You aren’t a bad partner. Everyone has some problems in their relationships and sometimes your partner ignore you just because they need some time alone. I would suggest you to talk to your partner find some solutions. You can spend your quality time on weekends. Take care of his needs without asking or saying much. This trick will do the work.

    • #184673
      Sam7
      Participant

      The partners don’t know what is going on in our mind. Usually the ADHD makes us overthink to a level where we start feeling neglected. It’s not anyone’s fault. We cannot control those emotions. If you could, take tour ADHD results to a good therapist and take your partner too, if he’s free or if he could take time out of his busy schedule. And talk there about how ADHD affects you and how you both can help each other. Once he understands the battle you’re having in your mind, he’ll understand better and wont get upset.

      Or

      You can sit with him when he comes back home, ask him about his day, ask how he’s feeling mentally. Tell him he’s missed, tell him you appriciate him working those late hours, acknowledge his emotional and mental struggle and make him feel comfortable l. Working 60+ hours a week is hectic. I’ve done it and it’s so much more stress on body and mental well-being of a person. For you, feeling neglected is perfectly alright. Just don’t let your emotions take charge of you.

      Its important that you both understand each others mental, physical, and emotional issues and needs. When you would make him comfortable, he would sit a little while more to listen to you. And when that happens you can share your mind.

      Even if that doesn’t happen, take the time you spent with him while appreciating him as time spent wel together and don’t feel bad. Have dinner together, shower together, spend mornings together and everything else that you could do together to make you both feel wanted and happy.

      I hope this helps. 🙂

    • #184740
      emmy2016
      Participant

      Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice. I really appreciate it. I’m glad I’m not alone in these types of feelings.

    • #184742
      Gazettechan
      Participant

      I agree, something to ponder with, good article

    • #186119
      nanadd
      Participant

      I have a similar situation. My husband has been putting in many extra hours due to Covid. I love to cook. I have taken to cooking really nice dinners at least three times a week and eating them just the two of us or with family. NO TV. It makes him feel good and helps me get appreciation for my efforts. Regardless of the menu it’s the nice dishes, place settings, a lit candle, cloth napkins that makes it special. Also kind of makes up for not going out to restaurants which used to be our thing.

      Just as an aside my daughter SIL and grandaughter live in the other side of our duplex. Once a week I do restaurant night. Sushi, German, French, Mexican, Greek and set the table accordingly. It is so appreciated by everyone. The great part is my daughter shows her gratitude by clearing the table!

      Hang in there. Try to find a way to support him that makes him show his gratitude to fill your tank. If it works do it.

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