September 21, 2018 at 7:18 pm #99917runner008Participant
I just wanted some advise on something that has been bothering me for a long time.
I have been diagnosed about 2 year ago (i am 37 yo) and has been on concerta for about 6 month ( helping but not much)
My ADHD gives me lots of problem but i somehow usually get by. And live a normal life.
Been reading a few ADHD book lately and they got me thinking that some things about me i thought was just my personality might be related to my ADHD.
I never felt really motivated to do anything and i almost never make an effort to go for what i want/like. Its the same with my work, got hire thru people i knew never made an effort.( i have never been depressive, i just feel like im stuck in neutral)
I feel like im coasting thru life.
Really not sure that my work makes me happy, the same with my 12 years relationship with GF (we have 2 awesome kids together) but often wonder if im just in that relationship because its the easy way.
I feel like could do much better on many aspect in my life but i just dont bother for some reason.
I just want to know if you guys think this is ADHD realated.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by runner008.
October 12, 2018 at 6:51 pm #101438kbj2017Participant
As I also have ADHD (although I am only 19 & don’t have nearly the life experience as you, good sir), I believe that your issue is COMPLETELY ADHD related. I also feel as if I’m just going on auto-pilot most of the time in my life. Although people perceive this as a bad thing, which it seems like you’re doing, the same concept applies here. The feeling that you’re coasting isn’t necessarily a good OR bad thing.
I know I’m restating what you said but it’s for a different reason. Just because you feel like you’re in neutral, doesn’t mean there’s a cause for concern. The feeling of coasting is HUGE for people with ADHD, like you & I, because unlike people without ADHD, our brains are wired to where we need CONSTANT stimulation (new experiences). We don’t get the same excitement from doing the same things over and over again, they become monotonous & we get bored. A solution to this would be to find something that’s interesting to you, that also constantly challenges you so you never lose interest in it. I would suggest you, your girlfriend, & your kids try something NONE of you have EVER done before, but wanted to do, & keep doing it. Just to get everyone involved & give YOU something to look forward to.
I lost interest in Basketball (a sport I’ve enjoyed since I was 2 years old) because school was more of a priority, but I started becoming depressed. I plan to get back involved in it next year, as tryouts have passed for this season. I just learned that I’ll have to balance the two out.
Happy to be-of-help,
Kendall Boults Jr.
October 14, 2018 at 4:03 am #101460Gulkstar90Participant
I can completely relate to this. I have many interests, but as soon as something starts to demand focus/consistency, I become frustrated and bored. Over time, I think this has eroded my confidence… I feel that while other people are out there developing skills and pursuing “their thing”, I am stuck spending my time in passive ways and feeling detached. That lack of confidence discourages me even further from trying new things and applying myself… so it’s a vicious cycle.
I feel almost like I’m paralyzed. I do well enough at work because I care so much about what other people think of me. But the amount of effort I make still falls short of my ambition level.
Likewise, I want to make friends, but I just don’t do it. Actually putting in the work, getting to know people and spending time with them just seems so exhausting that I end up avoiding it. I worry that I’m becoming too reliant on the people I do have in my life (partner and family).
Being diagnosed helped me understand what’s going on, and that it’s not just laziness or some other character flaw. I am on ritalin now and am more productive at work, but still not really “engaged” in my life.
Working on that will involve building up my confidence again, in addition to treating the ADHD directly. My therapist recommended starting with really small goals… rather than saying, “I’ll practice music every day from now on!” start with three times a week. That way, you build up slowly and are less likely to “fail” and feel discouraged.
October 29, 2018 at 5:24 pm #102671MrNeutronParticipant
Lowered sense of self esteem, or feeling unimportant kind of thing?
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