The pas couple of years I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and a lot of working on myself, so I’m pretty sure I know what kind of job will fit me and play to my strengths, needs, issues etc. I have also found a job which I will start in the new year which will be a good fit (I think). My head knows my limitations, that I need lots of time to recharge, will work myself into an early grave if that’s the office culture, and need a supportive team around me instead of people looking to step on me in order to get a promotion etc.
I think I made a smart choice, but I’ve always struggled with low self-esteem and the need to achieve something to prove my worth. This job is not prestigious, high powered or leads to 6-figures. The little voice in my head is telling me that I’m a loser and a failure for not trying to achieve the top even though climbing to that top is most likely going to ruin me.
It’s easy to beat ourselves up because we compare ourselves to some ideal or feel that we fall short in any number of ways. It’s hard to break that cycle and feel valid, worthwhile, and lovable for who we are. I hope that you’re getting support along the way, and also getting feedback from others to counter the negative self talk. Remember that we filter reality through our own doubt and pain. What we feels is not what reality is. You better than your demons would have you believe.