Feeling like a loser because I'm not pursuing a prestigious carreer

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    • #135629

      The pas couple of years I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and a lot of working on myself, so I’m pretty sure I know what kind of job will fit me and play to my strengths, needs, issues etc. I have also found a job which I will start in the new year which will be a good fit (I think). My head knows my limitations, that I need lots of time to recharge, will work myself into an early grave if that’s the office culture, and need a supportive team around me instead of people looking to step on me in order to get a promotion etc.

      I think I made a smart choice, but I’ve always struggled with low self-esteem and the need to achieve something to prove my worth. This job is not prestigious, high powered or leads to 6-figures. The little voice in my head is telling me that I’m a loser and a failure for not trying to achieve the top even though climbing to that top is most likely going to ruin me.

    • #135636

      Best wishes to you in your new job!
      “Prestige” is only in the eye of the beholder – don’t let your brain sell yourself short.

    • #135649

      It’s easy to beat ourselves up because we compare ourselves to some ideal or feel that we fall short in any number of ways. It’s hard to break that cycle and feel valid, worthwhile, and lovable for who we are. I hope that you’re getting support along the way, and also getting feedback from others to counter the negative self talk. Remember that we filter reality through our own doubt and pain. What we feels is not what reality is. You better than your demons would have you believe.

    • #135687
      Aaron Lewis

      I’m trying to figure out what career to pursue. I thought I’d found it in being a paralegal, but I’m not 100% sure I want to do that anymore. Maybe one day I’ll find out what I should do as a career.

    • #137171

      Thank you kind strangers!!!

      I have thought about why felt so down. I asked the people closest to my if they thought I was ‘taking the easy road’ or ‘squandering my potential’ by not pursuing a more prestigious option. I mean this career-path will not lead to parents bragging about their daughter the doctor or something like that.

      My fiancee’s reaction was ‘But you do not like working’. And he is right of course. Working, focusing, handling colleagues takes a lot out of me, so why would I force myself to work a job with such long hours?

      Also change is hard for my, so a lot of my feeling like a failure is also sadness that I’m going to leave my current job. It’s time, but it’s still hard.

      In short: Thank you for your kind comments. I feel better about my decision, and I think I will feel even better once I’m a bit used to my new job come February or so.

    • #137179

      I’m right there with you. It’s easy for me to look at the prominent, successful careers some of my friends from high school and college have pursued and … compare and despair. And wonder what might have been if I didn’t have ADHD, or if I had been diagnosed and treated earlier in life. But I have a job that I like and I don’t want for anything important, so all is well. Still, it’s helpful to recognize myself in a post like yours.

    • #137266

      Good luck in your new job!

      Please believe me when I tell you that even if you’re in a career that may sound “prestigious”, people with ADD and/or low self-esteem still feel pain similar to what you’ve described. The low self-esteem tells us that what we do is never enough for us. If we earned a PhD, we read the research of those with a dual doctorate, like the MD/PhD, and feel grossly unqualified to publish our research. It never ends, no matter what qualifications you have!

      Just love what you do and do your very best with it.

    • #137430
    • #142143

      So small update. I think it’s going reasonable well at my new job. My colleagues are very nice. They think I’m a super organized person because I keep an extensive list of my projects and their due dates and whatever actions I still need to take to complete them. I also keep a paper notebook with a ‘file’ for every project with notes on what I did when and the dates of contact with clients and what was discussed and/or agreed on.

      I do wonder what they would say If they knew I need all my notes because I’m terrified to miss a deadline and I need to write down what is said on the phone because after I end the call I can hardly remember what was said.

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