Everyone thinks we're going to the wedding, but I forgot to RSVP – so ashamed

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    • #124517

      I decided to organize my desk this weekend since the clutter distracts me and makes me feel bad about myself and my inability to keep it a functioning, minimalist, workspace. Looking trough a huge pile of papers and magazines to trash or file I found the wedding invitation for my cousins wedding next saturday and the card I was supposed to have sent. I wrote the RSVP, but never send it in. Everyone in my immediate family, including my SO (and me until a few days ago) think we (my SO and I) are going to the wedding (we keep telling each other ‘see you there’ etc and I bought a dress), but I e-mailed the coordinator and me and my SO are not on the list. I asked her what was best, because I didn’t want to just turn up and put people in a tough spot to accommodate me and my SO. She will be getting back to me in the next few days. There might be a chance if there is a cancellation.

      I am so embarrassed and so ashamed of myself. I thought that I was better than this. I have two to-do-list (one hardcopy and one app), a planner I use religiously and a calendar with reminders because I’m constantly petrified to miss something important (again) and now it has happened.

      I’ve been feeling so bad the last few days and I don’t know how to explain to my SO and close relatives that we’re not going to the wedding and why. And how to explain to other relatives who will be asking me for a reason why I wasn’t there. Part of my thinks I should do it as soon as possible, but a small part of me wants to wait for the coordinator to get back to me with hopefully good news, go to the wedding and pretend this never happened.

      Any tips for dealing with my currently overwhelming feelings of shame and failure and how to weather the storm that is coming?

    • #124553

      Hey man, sorry to hear you’re feeling that way. One thing I can say is to rectify and explain it now. The same sort of situation happened to me long ago. I was so ashamed that I began avoiding family functions altogether. After finally having a heart to heart with a cousin of mine, I realized that nobody was upset about it… They just missed me at these events the same way that I missed them. I can’t reverse time and spend it with those that are no longer here, but maybe I can help you to avoid something like this.

      Good luck to you!

    • #124564

      Can you go to just the ceremony and receiving line? Can the co-ordinated get you in after the food is all done and it’s just the dancing and socializing at a cash bar? The $$ part is the food and champagne toast and if you can skip that…Besides, at the last wedding I attended their were about 6 couples who had RSVP’d yes but didn’t show at the reception. Keep in touch with the coordinator.

      Also please remember that this day is going to be a blurr for the bride…

    • #124571

      I understand exactly how you feel. I work in administration and I sometimes forget to confirm venue bookings or answer questions people email. I often find flagged emails from months ago that I forgot to reply to and I feel so guilty it keeps me up at night.

      You tried your best to fix the situation and keeping it bottled up is going to make you overthink and feel even more ashamed. The best thing to do is tell your family, believe me they will understand and in a few months it will just be a funny story to tell at parties.

    • #124674

      Thank you all for your kind messages!

      On closer inspection I discovered that the message I got from the coordinator was a standard reply, probably automatically send, so at this point I don’t even know if my message has actually been read. The message promised a reply within two business days, but those days have passed….

      To clarify: I’m only invited to the 3 pm to 6 pm reception, not to the ceremony. So I do not think they will serve up any dinner, so that is a point of hope for me. In my country cash bars are very uncommon and knowing the location of the reception I think it’s safe to say the reception will be mostly self catered.

      Still crossing my fingers and hoping for a positive reply from the wedding coordinator.

    • #124767

      Final update: We’re going!

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