Drained mommy

This topic contains 18 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  GiaMalone 5 months ago.

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  • #81065

    GiaMalone
    Participant

    My daughter, ADHD, 7, can be draining with the constant talking, moving, starting many things at once, her moodiness, the roller coaster of emotions, name calling, etc..My younger son is being affected negatively. He copies whatever she does. She can be the sweetest, most loving child and then switch to defiant and disrespectful, THEN, metdown mode..crying. It usually happens at the same time every day. ..meds wearing off. I try to keep everything in perspective and TRY not to take things personal but it can be draining.

    I know there is no cookie cutter treatment and a lot of trial and error and no magic pill, etc..but i still feel like I am not doing enough or maybe missing something.

    Every single day, I make it my mission to be patient, positive, loving and some days end up losing it…and end up feeling terrible..

    Guilt list /Things in question

    1. She watches a lot of videos on her IPad,..a lot! I try to keep her busy with other stuff..but she gets bored so easily and wants it. I have another child.to take care of and dont want her to have a meltdown over it. She has excellent grades in school and behavior is also great. We cannot afford any extra activities.

    2. Losing my patience..usually at the end of the day..being

    3. Not being able to afford activities that she want to do..gymnastics etc…

    So much more but dont want this to be too long:) What else can I do for her to be her best? 🙂

  • #81080

    BRLK
    Participant

    First I would talk to her doctor about the behavior you’re seeing when the meds wear off. My son experienced this first on Adderall (which had other side effects and wasn’t right for him) then again when we tried to adjust his current medication up to a higher dose. We brought the dose back down and the behavior stopped. Every kid is different but when you’re noticing meltdowns and behavior issues tied to the wearing off of meds there may be other options that are a better fit for her. As for screeen time, I notice when my son spends too much time on it his behavior is worse. I’m not blaming screen time specifically, it’s the inactivity. I always try to plan an hour’s worth of something on school days to burn off energy, even if it’s just a walk with the dog or a trip to the park. On non-school days I usually have to be sure I’ve planned to get him out of the house for extended periods. My son is older now but he still has a need for high sensory input – running, jumping, climbing, etc and he’s never been interested in group activities or team sports so don’t let it bother you that you can’t afford those kinds of activities. They just need to move. Finally go easy on yourself. Its difficult but you’ve got this.

  • #81082

    GiaMalone
    Participant

    Thank you! I appreciate your advice and support.☺

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  GiaMalone.
  • #81129

    MattColo
    Participant

    GianMalone, I can’t answer most of your questions. I know nothing about meds.

    However, I can help with your last question: “What else can I do for her to be her best?” Give her a hug every day and tell her you love her. It may sound obvious or stupid, but some day it likely will be really important for her. Her image of herself, if anything like mine, is going to take a beating from teachers and peers. There is nothing better than a mom’s hug. Love for no reason at all. I’m 58 and I still remember that my mom was there for me. That was all I really wanted at times. So, love is #1. BTW, a hug is a great way to say you’re sorry, especially after you’ve hit your limit and exploded. (trust me, I know). Never go to bed angry/sad about how you reacted. A hug to a sleeping child will also do you wonders.

    Number 2 comes from the fact that your daughter will be different and that means her own set of wonderful and hard. The truth is she will have to figure out a lot of this on her own. If she’s like all the other ADHD people she will be persistent. You won’t be able to solve her problems. What you can do is help her solver her own. I have a neighbor who’s son is somewhere on the Asperger’s spectrum. She accepted it and worked with him on funny subjects, such as: When someone asks you how you’re doing, they don’t really want to know, here are your answers to choose from. Her son is doing great. So, your daughter is different. That’s okay. Some day the melt downs will be nothing more than anything else. And some day they, too, will go away.

    Good luck. It will work out.

  • #81316

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    You are doing the best you can, with the knowledge and resources you have at this moment. It’s hard to not to want to “fix it” for our kids. To change their struggles but to also give them all the opportunities they want. You have to come to a point of acceptance, true acceptance, and then you can start working on crafting a life that works for her, using coping strategies and her strengths to create opportunities for joy and success.

    All of this will teach your daughter persistence, determination, and resilience — which are key.

    As for her never-ending energy, if you have insurance that will cover Occupational Therapy, I would highly recommend it. They taught us why our son is hyper and crashing into things all the time, and taught us activities to work with it. Plus, it was a place he could run, jump, speed around, and crash safely and with other kids who were like him.

    Here’s more:

    Hyperactivity Help for Indoor-Weather Days

    Stay Calm and Mom (or Dad) On

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Trainer on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #82362

      GiaMalone
      Participant

      Thank you for taking the time to send this! Yes, hugs are the best, especially before school and before bed.i feel better after reading this.
      appreciate it😊

  • #81615

    Terri_Mom
    Participant

    I teach Gymnastics and Dance in So. Cal. Not sure where you are. If you are anywhere near me. Let me know, I can help. Feel free to contact me if you like danceterrific@verizon.net

  • #81921

    Hi Gia: Your struggles sound all too familiar. My son is 7 and is the SAME way, he is not medicated so it makes my days tough. I have been trying to implement mediation, he has been quite receptive (when I remember to use this method, sometimes I lose it too soon and we never get there 🙁 We will sit down together and take deep breaths, listen to calming music, usually in the end we both feel better and more relaxed. I have to constantly remind myself not to feel guilty, it’s not your fault, they just interpret the world differently, they are hyper sensitive and highly demanding, but sometimes I forget and I fight back (which gets us both nowhere FAST) Hang in there, you have the hardest job in the world, and I am sure to are doing amazing!!

  • #81926

    4himvdl
    Participant

    Hello,
    I feel your defeat. I go through similar issues and I clock out after supper at least 3 times a week. What I can tell you is my child was put on a mood stabilizer (did not accept controlled substances) and this has helped GREATLY! Unfortunately, she still has the emotional breakdowns every so often BUT I am able to talk her through it and get her to “stop, think and reason” until the calm down time comes. In my experience, too much electronic screen exposure jacks her up due to the overstimulation to the brain. I award her tablet time from homework, positive behaviors (especially) and chores (which is SO exhausting and frustrating). I have had to remove “videos” from tablet time and only brain building games. I also have had to supervise electronic time so nothing inappropriate is not watched. Remember they will model what they see.
    I myself cannot afford extracurricular activities. Do not give up! Unfortunately, sometimes tough love is necessary and removal of the tablet or calm down spot has to come in to play. These techniques do work and consistency is the key! Remember you are disciplining the behaviors and not the lovely child you have been given.
    Sincerely,
    4Him

    • #82363

      GiaMalone
      Participant

      Thank you! Great advice about calming together. I will definitely try it! Hugs☺

  • #81940

    jcurry
    Participant

    Regarding activities~ find out if a local gymnastics place offers any kind of scholarship/financial support, or if your local parks and rec office or district community education offers activities in which she would be interested. These often offer scholarships/financial support. It is worth looking into especially with summer coming up. There might be some day camps or dance/gymnastics camps she would be interested in. Worth a try!

  • #81942

    karenmoss.bryan
    Participant

    I struggle to keep my role as mom simple: to be a compassionate, kind person who will genuinely listen and not judge harshly. I want to be a safe place for my adhd son to land when his world inevitably becomes overwhelming and confusing. I’ve vainly tried to make him be “normal” by enrolling him into activities he does not enjoy, enforcing school-driven homework expectations, goading him into dressing a certain way, etc, only to realize I was causing him unecessary, painful anxiety. The larger world out there will continue to challenge him, but I won’t. Hopefully he will always feel free to talk to me about his struggles because he knows I simply love him. What more could I ask for?

    • #82364

      GiaMalone
      Participant

      Thank you, yes I will. Appreciate it☺

  • #81965

    jhasselt
    Participant

    I could have wrote your post myself. My oldest DS is 9 and has ADHD and ODD. The struggle is real. I also try to stay calm and loving…but when he and my other three children disrespect property, laugh at punishments, run around yelling and are just plain a lot of energy. I find myself needing to break away and have some quiet. If you’re looking for gymnastics, what about the local towns or cities? My DD is in gymnastics through the local city and it’s only $30 per session which is 6-12 weeks. My DS’s are in Flag Football, baseball, etc. through our local town too. It’s much more reasonable.

    Also, the electronics! My nemesis! Even my Dr. gave me the third degree about screen time. I find it difficult to manage. However, I gave my whole family a tablet free week due to behavior during Church, and I think it’s just what we needed! They started to remember how to play real games with each other, and even when they got the tablets back they didn’t want them as much! This weekend we were snowed in, and I went back to the basics – checking Pinterest for activities. I found a few they liked like bath paints, pillow forts, using pillows to play hot lava, etc.

    In the end it’s hard being a Mom, and twice as hard being a Mom with a child with extra needs and additional children (I have 4 in all). We need to make time to recharge and be upfront with our families about what we need. My older two love doing jobs to earn money that they can spend, so I try to come up with jobs that make them feel useful and empowered, but I fail a lot too! We need to be ok with that. We are all just Moms doing our best.

  • #82206

    lholley
    Participant

    Gia,
    To echo other parents on here, I could have written your post. I have a 7 year old son who never stops talking or moving, he has a mood disorder & ADHD. He has trouble with emotional regulation. He received occupational therapy and cognitive therapy through his school. At home (and at school) he has access to a trampoline, hippity hop ball, roller for his back, deep pressure & sensory diet. Be your child’s champion and cheerleader. As mentioned above, they’re going to get dinged by their teachers and peers. Tell her you love her and if she likes deep pressure, do a big squeezy hug and tell her you love her and will always be there for her. At night we have a solid bedtime routine: he jumps on the mini trampoline while I read bedtime stories, then he listens to a meditation or relaxation story. I also give him a 1mg children’s melatonin to help him relax. I just purchased some essential oil the other day and he likes to put it on his wrist to smell as he’s drifting off. I’m also a special education teacher.I spend my days doling out strategies to help manage energy: resistance bands are good(can be bought by the roll, cut lengths to use as you would when exercising or tie to legs of chair to pull), so are bouncy bands for chair or desk, yoga ball or wobble stool, etc. These can all be found on Amazon.

    Lisa

    • #82365

      GiaMalone
      Participant

      Wow! Bless you. You have a lot on your plate. Good for you for taking charge. Hugs and thanks for the advice😊

  • #82095

    asimsohio
    Participant

    This is the best parenting advice for kids with special needs. It is hard at first but if you commit and follow through you will see GREAT improvement over time in both you and your kids.

    https://www.handinhandparenting.org/

    and similar but not with all of the practical videos

    http://www.ahaparenting.com/

    • #82366

      GiaMalone
      Participant

      Thanks so much! 😊

  • #82367

    GiaMalone
    Participant

    I can’t figure out the reply feature..above or below the user..anyway, I read all of these lovely messages and feel so much better and inspired to make some changes.
    Thanks for the support!

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