December 12, 2020 at 6:59 pm #189049Buddha192Participant
Does anyone else have the issue of not being able to set meaningful goals? I’m talking about the type of goals that come with enough emotional content to be able to drive some type of directed action over the long haul. I know from reading these forums and from other ADHD information that lots of us ADHD’ers spend a lot of time reading self-help resources, looking for that “magic formula” that, if we just found it would make everything good. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s a lot of good information out there. The problem, at least that I’ve found is that all that self help information wants you to start out with a goal in mind, or better yet – a passion. I just don’t have one.
I’ve gone through life feeling like I’m at one of those restaurants with a great menu. It all looks good, but I feel bad about whatever I pick because I’m missing out on the other things that I didn’t pick. The end result is a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and a lack of drive. For instance, I want to learn to play guitar. I’ve signed up for lessons, but when it comes time to practice I can’t motivate myself to do it because there’s always something else I want to do too and I feel like I’m missing out. I end up doing nothing and feeling useless.
I have a good job that pays well, so that’s not the issue. It’s what I do (or don’t do) in my off time that’s the problem. Nothing seems sufficiently motivating that I want to do it. I’m envious of those people who have an overriding goal that they dedicate their lives to. My whole existence feels like like trying to pull a toothpick out of a tornado.
I’ve seen an ADHD Doctor, but his only interest is to medicate me. Once he found a medication that helped me focus he wrote me off and sent me to my Family Doctor to continue the prescription. That’s like revving an engine with nowhere to go. A good definition of anxiety. I’ve seen Social Workers and Psychologists, but how do you change for the better when you can’t conceive of what “better” looks or feels like? At $150.00 a session, to get nothing out of it kind of makes me feel even more hopeless.
Anyone else experience this? What did you do to overcome it?
December 12, 2020 at 7:16 pm #189050befreeParticipant
I get that all the time. There are so many things I am interested in. What works for me is putting the other things on a list for later. I choose one thing that I want to concentrate on for a few weeks or however long the first
course takes. Then whenever an urge to get distracted by some other really great thing, I tell myself that I just need to postpone that for a little while and put it on a list of all the things I want to do.
After the course, maybe it’s not so important anymore. I also reward myself for finishing the course and doing each of the practicing. Like at the end of a guitar course, I would organize a “concert” with someone who understands me and appreciates my efforts (and will not criticize how I play).
If I keep my goals small, like just until the end of one course, it’s easier to fulfill and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything much.
This doesn’t mean that it will work for you. But I hope you can find something!
December 15, 2020 at 5:51 am #189128Caito44Participant
You need to choose something anything and not worry about all the other things you could be doing . Like guitar for example I learnt on youtube ( justin guitar is amazing!) I make sure I practice everyday just a bit bit or I don’t keep it up. Sometimes I have break days. I think the biggest thing for me is choosing something I really want to do and acknowledging that it is not always going to be easy to keep it up sometimes I have to push myself when I’m tired etc but I focus on how happy I will be in the future when I play this song I’m working on. Learning to accept frustration and believe in myself to perservere has been the biggest thing for me.
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