Doctor Shame and Surveillance

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    • #114141

      I’m posting this just to relieve myself of some stress, and hopefully to hear if anyone else experiences this.
      I just moved and have been trying to establish care for two months. I FINALLY am seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist next week.
      Being treated like a criminal and feeling further ashamed of myself for my condition is not something I deserve in a new doctor’s visit. I am a human being that is struggling and that needs help. I am not a criminal that needs to be judged and talked down too.

      I provided at least seven years of medical/psychiatric treatment records before my visit to a new PCP. I even brought in my current prescription bottle and notes from my last doctor visit with my old PCP, which it turns out was the only thing that gave me any validity. I went in with with the intention of discussing my worsening symptoms (or rather, my symptoms coming out of remission: restlessness at night, constant brain “noise” and “chatter,” hyper-[RE]active emotions, lack of physical and mental direction, acting like a cartoon character, and overall stress / mental fatigue in trying to filter out external and internal distractions). I had hopes of changing my current medication until I see a specialist next week, but instead I was pleading to keep any medication at all.

      After discussing horrible experiences with Effexor, Risperdol, and Wellbutrin as a teenager that eventually led to me stopping treatment and turning to alcohol and self-harm, these same medications were recommended to me.

      After discussing my previous experiences with medication and talk-therapy, and my current symptoms, I already knew that I was unheard. We proceeded to the physical evaluation (which was already performed with the nurse at the beginning of the appointment)
      “Your heart rate is bit fast,” she told me.
      “My heart is not beating fast due to an anxiety problem or medication.” I had previously explained I had not even taken my stimulant medication that day.
      “My heart is beating fast because I am feeling attacked.”

      With my last shred of dignity:
      “Just drug test me.”

      Am I being overly emotional about this? Is this normal? Does everyone get this sort of treatment at the doctor? My medication warrants monitoring and supervision, but will I be under surveillance for the rest of my life?

      Here I am second guessing myself, again.

      • This topic was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Tides0fMyMind.
    • #114142

      By the way, my drug test results came back NEGATIVE FOR EVERY DRUG POSSIBLE.

      “You must be not taking your medication as prescribed, so I will no longer be treating you.”

      I literally have no idea how nothing came up in my urine test. I took 30mg Adderall XR the day before, as I always do.

      It’s funny that now I feel the need to PROOOVE that I DOOO take medication! Does anyone else with a super-fast metabolism have this issue?

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Tides0fMyMind.
    • #114298

      My understanding is that the adderall (which I haven’t started yet but hopefully by week end) metabolizes out of your system within 24 hours, unlike say an anti-depressant which tends to build up in your body over time. I have been working with a fantastic social worker who helped me through the diagnosis, and every time I leave I feel like I learned a bit more about myself (And my son who was my gateway to diagnosis as an adult). I hope you are able to find a doctor who either a.) gets your diagnosis and can help you or b.) like mine, knows what they don’t know and can refer you to a proper surrogate for the detailed care.

    • #114289
      Dr. Eric

      Bedside manner aside, doctors are under a lot of scrutiny to not be part of the problem.
      Taking too much medicine is a red flag, but not taking it is also a red flag.
      I have never been tested for my methylphenidate, so I don’t know about your direct question.

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