Distracted, unfocused, 36 and recently diagnosed

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    • #40047
      Penny Williams

      This discussion was originally started by user soulstand77 in ADDitude’s now-retired community. The ADDitude editors have included it here to encourage more discussion.


      Hey everyone,

      Let me start by saying that my brother was diagnosed with ADHD after a string of juvenile detention and foster home visits for criminal behavior and school problems as a child. As a 38yr. old man, he has been out of prison now for about 5 years (longest time on “the outside” in his adult life, I think)?!

      I was diagnosed with ADD (I refuse the “H” due to my lack of motivation, as well as my ability to negate boredom and my love of quiet lazy days wink ). I have some symptoms I would like to talk about with women who actually have ADD.

      I will fashion my questions as how I have described myself to people I care about for as long as I can remember: I can walk down a grocery isle looking for something specific and see everything except for that item most of the time, in a lot of areas of my life it’s like my brain is constantly tripping me or bullying me by making my life difficult or by rerouting everything I do into the hardest way possible to solve things and taking the longest to do so. I forget a vast majority of important information but I remember mundane things that don’t matter too much. I love to read but unless what i’m reading somehow doesn’t trigger a completely different thought process, I can’t get through a page unless the book is fictional and super interesting which doesn’t offer much in the way of education. I feel like I can’t defend myself due to lack of recall even though I feel that I know facts and I can’t pull them up at will. I freeze when in confrontational situations. Background noise and commotion cancels out my ability to concentrate, easily distracting me. I’m pretty gullible, sort of a push over/doormat.

      I know there is this intelligent woman inside of me under this big rock of symptoms and every now and then she yells loud enough for me to pull her information up and use it. I have always felt that I don’t measure up to everyone else around me. I have 18 years of experience in my career but I have never been “full enough of all the information at once” or able to use all my brain faculties at the same time long enough to lead or seriously be considered to do so, even though I know I have very vast knowledge of what I do. And I can pull aspects of these out if different fractions at different times but never smoothly. Oh, did I mention I over explain myself constantly (lol). There’s more but I should stop there….

    • #40606
      Kevin Ju

      This reply was originally posted by user Lean~In in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      There are times…. when all is lost. The book on my nightstand has an ongoing list of accomplishments completed over the many years I’ve been on this earth. NO ONE can take those from me. I need to read them as NO ONE will remind me of them. Sometimes I need to write at the end of the day. I made it through.

      Per your note, I too jump with loud noises. Recently I read a book, QUIET by Susan Cain. She mentions the thinkers, brilliant folks with lots inside. There is a vast difference between labeled ‘shy’, which is not the same as being introverted. Those of us who can reside in the ‘quiet, lazy days’ with comfort seem to make others uncomfortable. Often, they don’t get it yet, does it matter?

      Finding our own path is what is important. Many times I need to write down just WHERE I WAS going or what I am shopping for but that is what makes me unique. (Duh, adhd) I love to read as well. Audio books allow me to focus while my hands wash dishes ect and my mind can be transported.

      Wishing you comfort and health.

    • #40610
      Kevin Ju

      This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      Without treating your ADHD symptoms, what you describe may never improve much.

      A therapist and/or ADHD coach can help you create strategies to help you work through some of these issues.

      Acceptance of your own strengths and weaknesses can help too.

      Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #40613
      Kevin Ju

      This reply was originally posted by user Keep-Trying44 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      Hello Soulstand,

      Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience of ADD (I refuse the H as well).

      Firstly, I have specifically joined the group ‘to thank you’. And tell you that you write beautifully. I too was recently diagnosed with ADD aged 44! I have two young children and experience all the same symptoms and frustrations as you. I actually had a little lump in my throat just reading it. I recently wrote a story about my experience of motherhood with undiagnosed ADD which I will attemp to share with you. Unfortunately I’m technically challenged (not something I’ve ever been interested in you see 😁). I’m sure you know what that’s like 😉. I just wanted to say hang in there and be kind to yourself. That’s what I’m trying to Do. I’m trying to learn as much as I can which can be overwhelming though. I just read the article about getting organized but with over so many tips its hard to know where to start. I need them all and I need them YESTERDAY!

      I’ll try to sit down with hubby – priorities and work through them slowly I think.

      Thank you again for sharing your VERY relatable experience with us. Feeling like I’m not alone in how u feel is incredibly comforting ❤️

    • #47301

      Hi Everyone, You’ll probably find this hard to believe, but I was diagnosed 3 months ago at the age of 75 years old. I can relate to you – I too can walk down a grocery aisle and see everything but what I’m looking to find. Looking back to the age of 20 – I remember visiting friends and leaving something behind, ex, baby bottles, diapers for my then small children. I am in therapy for sexual and emotional abuse. While discussing something with my therapist she stated that over the years she found that I jump around a lot. I was astounded to hear this. I thought that she meant that I fidgeted in my chair. She went on to state that I go from one thought to another and get lost. When I also stated that if I can’t sleep at night I sometimes get up and have a cup of coffee. When she asked me why I did this, I thought DA, it helps to calm me down. She stated that she thought that I have ADHD. I was shocked. However, a few years ago when I stated to my psychiatrist that I lacked stimulation, he prescribed a small milligram of methyophenadidate, (probably misspelled) I didn’t think much about it until my therapist made her statement. We are still searching for the best medication for me. Does anyone have a problem with pasting things on straight or having a problem parallel parking? Thanks for listening. Glad I’m here.

    • #47875

      I got diagnosed in the past couple of years (don’t ask when, dates are one of my ADHD issues), but it was THE most life changing diagnosis I’ve ever had. I’ve suffered my entire life from it, it’s caused so many other problems and heartbreak throughout my life. I was severely bullied when I was a child, and suffer from severe complex-PTSD because of it. I’m diagnosed with several other mental illnesses, and I believe a lot of them are directly related to the issues I’ve had my whole life. Luckily I tolerate the stimulant medications quite well, I take Adderall, started on Ritalin, which I didn’t really like. But the difference is night and day, and very drastic. I don’t know where I’d be right now without my therapy and medication. I feel like I’m only just beginning my life now, and I’ll be 38 in August. Try and get into therapy and see if there’s any medications a psychiatrist can put you on, at least maybe some samples to try. There’s all sorts of medications available now, and that’s my best advice. Good luck!

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