Distancing myself from "undiagnosed" friends

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  • #78651

    Hi everybody,
    I was diagnosed with ADHD 2-3 years ago. I’ve since then been working so hard to learn about ADHD, I’ve been taking medication, I did counselling to deal with the diagnosis, I am working with an ADHD coach, I’ve “turned my life around” in a way that has been really good for me. I like my life right now but it sure took a lot of effort to get where I am. Since I’ve been diagnosed I sort of helped 2 people very close to me get diagnosed as well. It makes me wonder if the fact that we had undiagnosed ADHD brought us together as friends then and for all these years (same energy level, many interests, spontaneity, etc.) However, now that I’ve gotten a handle on what used to be a pretty exhausting and chaotic life, it sort of annoys me to be around friends who now have a diagnosis, yes, but who are still living like their pre-diagnosis life. It tires me to be around them and see how chaotic their lives are, hear how busy and over-committed they are, how exhausted they are, how they need more downtime, etc. I used to be like that. I am no longer like that. I feel drained when I hang out with them now. I don’t enjoy being around that kind of frantic energy anymore. Before I probably contributed to it and we were probably totally on the same wave length. I’ve made certain choices in my life and it’s hard for me to understand why people who have a diagnosis wouldn’t make all the efforts needed to improve their lives, to stop struggling, to stop suffering from it. I know they are suffering. I’ve been there and I can see it.

    It sort of reminds me of recovering alcoholics and drug addicts who, once they become sober, distance themselves from their old friends because they have changed their lifestyle. It’s not that they don’t love and care for their friends anymore. It’s just that they can’t be around that way of life anymore.

    Can anyone else relate to this? Is this a “thing” that I am not aware of? Thanks.

  • #78656


    I think this situation is not exclusive to people with ADD.
    Friends are not necessarily permanent fixtures, or at least few of them are.
    Life moves on, we change, they change. Or not.
    Do not lose sleep over it, keep following your path.

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