October 6, 2020 at 1:08 pm #184981MSC71Participant
My son has struggled with grades for the last 3 years. Missing assignments etc. He was diagnosed with ADHD this past summer and started taking Conerta. It was 18mg at first but the Dr increased that. I believe it is 36mg now but not 100% positive. Restriction never seems to work. The past we always took things away from him. Video Games, TV, Cell Phone etc.
He had 2 F’s early this year and got it to where he only had one F. Now he has 2 F’s again and his mom is saying “No phone, computer, friends or TV for a week”. We are not married and we get along and talk all the time about our son. We have the same rules at each house. I just don’t think restriction is going to help anything at this point.
But not having any repercussions for bad grades and not turning in work does not seem to be a good idea either. Sometimes it is hard to decipher what is ADHD and what is normal lazy teenager stuff. It’s quite frustrating as I don’t know what to do. I have had a math tutor for him for the last 3 years.
October 6, 2020 at 2:22 pm #184991ADDadParticipant
I recommend getting an Individualized Educational Plan with the school.
October 6, 2020 at 2:24 pm #184993ADDadParticipant
Also, if your son isn’t I’m therapy, he probably should be.
October 6, 2020 at 5:46 pm #184999MSC71Participant
Thanks….he is on the 504 plan at school and in counseling…..I’m working hard on changing some things with him….He told me the other night after we had some talks and opened up that he feels like no matter what he does, isn’t right. A loose – loose situation in his mind…..He is such a great child otherwise and I want to help him and not punish him…If my child is afraid to tell me things, then that isy fault……We had some really good talks recently and I told him what I am changing….”no more yelling”….”no more getting mad” as it only makes him feel worthless…..
I reassured him that things can and will get better. We just have to change our approach…I asked him to think things he could do differently to make it better also….and I told him he doesn’t have to tell me…just think about it……
Of course I want a straight “A” kid…… but at the end of the day I just want to have a son who is happy no matter what..❤️
October 8, 2020 at 3:15 pm #185173SKAZParticipant
We have the same struggle with our 13 year old. Distance learning has only made it more challenging. During therapy it became obvious the need from external stimuli in the form of a more personal relationship with the teacher. When the personal relationship is there grades go up. When left to own devices it’s total failure and frustration in the household.
Because math is a repetitive task our child really struggled so for the last 2.5 years we enrolled in Mathnasium. That has helped a lot with math. Because our child is also gifted, if the subjects do not seem interesting then it’s complete shutdown. We do not believe in medication so we have been treating ADD and anxiety that accompanies it with now weekly neurotherapy/neurofeedback sessions along with regular therapy. Still getting F’s but as therapist said we can provide the tools but at the end is up to them to figure how to motivate and self-regulate themselves. What we have to do is just be supportive and assure them that there is nothing wrong with how they feel or who they are.
I suggest family therapy with an ADD specialist that will help to bring up all the emotions and feelings boiled up inside, especially when dealing with homework and grades. We have been learning a lot about our child since we have a hard time relating. Good luck.
October 9, 2020 at 11:27 am #185060Dr. EricParticipant
Try to break down step by step what the missing link is…
Does he not know his assignments? (Planner and planner checks)
Does he not have his materials? (system to get the materials home)
Does he get home and never start? If so, what is he doing with his time? (visual schedule, timers)
Does he start, get frustrated and quit? (academic support, how are the notes? does he reference resources?)
Does he start, take a break and never come back? (Timers and schedules)
Discipline only works if he has the ability to complete the task.
If there is a specific breakdown that you can identify, the best follow-up plan will address the area of the breakdown. (See ideas in the parentheses).
Basically, we use external supports to help with the executive functioning that he is lacking.
October 9, 2020 at 11:49 am #185399Penny WilliamsKeymaster
Punishment doesn’t work. Finding out the why behind behavior and not meeting expectations and addressing those whys is what does work.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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