February 9, 2018 at 11:52 am #76116
I’ll be all in and focused one month on something I really love than I find myself moving away from it, then I’ll start wanting to do something different and then maybe back to the next thing again or even the same thing from before. I’m frustrated because I’m 30s and a stay at home mom. I was an RD before kids and now looking into something else. Husband nervous to spend money because I’ll go hard core into something than loose interest. I totally understand his concerns and im nervous as well that I’ll loose interest. I’ll become interested and focused again but it’s not constant and it’s frustrating because if I’m going to do something I need to keep going with it. Not sure if I’m doubting myself or my brain just doesn’t stay focused on one thing consistently.
Does anyone else deal with this?
- This topic was modified 8 months ago by ADHDmomma.
February 9, 2018 at 8:07 pm #76193
Are you Kidding? You’re in an ADD mag. We all have this problem. ❤️. But we’re learning skills to change some of these behaviors here. Sometimes it’s hard to do, but it’s easier when we all know we are all trying to do the same thing. You’re question made me smile. 🙂
April 2, 2018 at 11:51 pm #80654
Yes all the time. It’s because when we are interested in something, we are really interested, and we get bored easily. This happens to me alot. An example I was at the gym one day watching flip this house which I never saw an episode before. I instantly felt like I needed to do this I came home watched about 20 more episodes then tried to convince my husband that this is what I wanted to do and was ready to go buy a house and fix it etc with no knowledge of ever doing it before. You could imagine my dissaportment when he wasn’t interested in doing it with me. A week later I forgot about it and was thinking about other projects, but I am really afraid to watch the show again, because I am definitely going to want to do it.
April 3, 2018 at 2:52 pm #80782
All the time! If it is something I really need to focus on, I FORCE myself to concentrate, which is a monumental effort! I also do it in chunks of time that I have to break up. That is the ONLY way that works for me. I get told often enough that I don’t have a sense of urgency because I do things that way, but then I consider the source(s): usually people who have no clue what ADD is about, or have it themselves and don’t know it. Sometimes other opinions still get to me, but you have to develop a hide like an armadillo! Good luck, dear!
April 19, 2018 at 7:12 pm #82357
OMG Yesss! Lol. I do this a lot. XD
February 9, 2018 at 8:53 pm #76197
Lol! Very true! Just frustrated with the constant need for change and not being organized or focused enough. Glad I made you smile 😊
February 9, 2018 at 9:53 pm #76200
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like you weren’t struggling, I know it’s hard. One of my doctors once told me to stop and give myself 30 minuets before I made a decision, it still helps me today. Just a suggestion? Sometimes what I really want is attention from my husband, I just would never ask for it. Never! Now I do, it’s still hard but I do. I just say, I need a hug, I need to talk, he was amazed! But after he got over the shock…he hugged me. ❤️. I’m not going to say it wasn’t scary, but it was worth it. I’m needy.
February 9, 2018 at 10:22 pm #76201
Totally ok! Just having a hard time articulating how I’m feeling exactly. Yes, i definitely need to ask my husband for more hugs and talks. I’m so needy too and it’s hard to ask for sometimes.
Thank you for your input.
February 12, 2018 at 6:18 pm #76344
Hello! I agree that this is totally okay. The hardeset thing about being in a world that constantly tries to make you something they want you to be rather than who you are is not knowing how to break the cycle. To me, you have to have some bigger and more solid standard than just their (or your) own opinion. Everyone’s advice is always going to be one-sided because they’re trying to tell you what’s best for you, but the problem is, they’re not you!
In my humble not you opinion, it would be best to know for sure exactly who you are before moving forward in any area.
Not many people know that our emotional/mental (soul) side has NEEDS, just like our physical side needs air and water and food, our soul has social needs, leadership needs and relationship needs that have to be realized and acknowledged. Once they are, it becomes so much healthier because we can call things by their right names, like those who are introverted but deeply need and never know how to express that. Or those that need to lead, but have been lead to believe they’re just overpowering and selfish. Or like alishad002, you have to have constantly different where other people need constant routine. You think you’re crazy and so does everyone else because they’re not like you. All that means is that your internal wiring is different. If you were to realize that’s actually intentionally created, wouldn’t that quite literally change your life and your behavior?
March 28, 2018 at 10:10 am #80174
You sound just like me. I find a new hobby, learn all about it, get good at at, then I usually end up losing interest. It is very frustrating. I’ve been through so many hobbies and interests it’s kind of ridiculous. My mom jokes that I’m a skill collector. I think that’s kind of a nice way of looking at it. I know it doesn’t help with the frustration, but I feel like it’s a more positive perspective. Just think about all the neat skills you’ve learned from your hobbies. Eventually you’ll probably find something you want to stick with. My latest hobby seems to be sticking (aromatherapy), and it’s been over 2 years. I’m actually taking a certification course, and planning on turning this hobby into a business.
As for hobbies you don’t feel at all interested in anymore, see what you can get for your supplies on eBay (or Facebook groups). Then you’ve got some extra money to put towards the new hobby.
March 28, 2018 at 11:53 am #80221
@SCEmily, congratulations on the aromatherapy certification course that’s great, aromatherapy is so helpful for so many things. Good luck with your business.
March 28, 2018 at 12:38 pm #80232
Thank you so much, Scatterbrain! I feel like I’ve finally found what I was meant to do in life. 😃
April 3, 2018 at 8:13 am #80690
ADHD must have been around a lot longer than we think. Ever heard the phrase “jack of all trades, master of none”?
March 28, 2018 at 11:50 am #80218
Thanks for starting this thread alishad002, I can relate to this driving need for change so very, very much. In fact when I was a kid my Mom used to call me her Little Butterfly (with a tone of exasperation) as I used to flit from one interest & topic to the next. As you so rightly say though, it can make a mess of finances, careers etc.
I’ve found career-wise I’ve done best, & enjoyed most, those areas and jobs that have had change built into them, e.g., they are project based or are in an industry that changes a lot like IT. That way there’s always something new to think about and do.
I think it’s also worth considering reframing the whole ‘change isn’t a good thing’ issue, i.e. could there be benefits, or is this always a problem?
As SCEmily points out, there are often skills built up which can be transferred, i.e., possible benefits. And I have to agree with humblepiesam, this is just the way some people are wired. It’s just that it seems that most people seem to be wired to be ‘steady, stay the course’ and us ADHDers are in the minority and more likely to be heading off in another direction.
Or lots of other directions 🙂
April 2, 2018 at 6:47 pm #80617
If you live where the weather is constantly changing maybe you can use your varied interests/hobbies as the weather allows. ? I try to keep my hobbies in “zones”/boxes/shelves.(Things like hiking…I keep my favorite boots/shoes ready where I can see them and go spur-of-the-moment.) It makes it easier to catch up on decluttering when I can’t decide what to do that 1/2 hour or when I get into a cleaning mood or can’t go anywhere ‘cuz a blizzard is going on. [Or days like today, when I have a cold and have no energy, I can sit and sort papers with Kleenex in front of me…]
April 2, 2018 at 7:12 pm #80619
I’ve done that so many times. That now I sometimes don’t even want to get invovolved I something I know I won’t complete.
It’s always worse when it’s for the kids. No solutions but you’re not alone.
April 7, 2018 at 12:19 am #81219
Let’s see sewing, scrapbooking, cake decorating, stamp collecting, ebaying, jewelry making, working out, etc etc etc….lasted a month tops…got bored, hung on to the stuff forever then finally donated. Find it hard to start anything anymore with fear of not sticking.
April 2, 2018 at 8:59 pm #80633
I LOVE this post! I remember saying to a therapist that I was always frustrated because I had so many interests. Her response: what’s wrong with that? Nothing, except I feel as though I’m only semi good at a lot of different things. I never feel as though I’m truly outstanding, but I do catch on pretty quickly, reach a point where I’ve somewhat mastered it, but have trouble staying interested in the continued practice it takes to be really accomplished.
I’ve always been artistic, although I don’t think I’m particularly creative. (I envy that!) I drew a lot when I was growing up, and thought I wanted to have an artistic career. So, I started a 2-year program in my 20s and soon realized I didn’t have the self-discipline or stick to-itiveness. Plus, realistically speaking, there are LOTS of talented artists who can’t find work that pays enough to make a living.
So, I did office work, and mostly was bored. I never lasted much more than a year at any job. Thank goodness I discovered temp work, which I enjoyed because I could go somewhere new, work for a week or two, and leave!
I thought photography might be my thing! My wonderful husband was and is very supportive, so I was thrilled to get my first digital SLR. That was a lot of fun for awhile, but gradually I got tired of hauling a camera around and realizing that to get really good photos meant ALWAYS having a camera handy AND getting up at dawn (or earlier) for the best light!
I wanted a horse from the first time I saw one. I had no shame and made “friends” with anyone who had one. My parents finally let me have my own when I was 12. We were fortunate to have a fair amount of land, so I had places to ride. I loved my horses, but I was pretty much on my own. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, so I made mistakes, didn’t have much access to help, and once I got into high school, I gradually lost interest. HOWEVER, my husband (when I was 40) thought taking riding lessons might be a fun “couple” thing! We’ve now had horses for over 20 years. I tried showing (reining) and talk about an expensive hobby!!! But, I hung in there for quite a long time, despite being uncomfortable and not really enjoying it. I now play around with dressage, and I do love it, but realize I’m never going to be someone who loves showing. But, who cares. It took me awhile to reach that point, too.
I took some private art lessons from a woman almost 10 years ago, so I could learn how to paint. I started out with colored pencil (I have A LOT of them), have tried watercolors, but am enjoying acrylic painting right now. I still take classes with her, off and on.
So, I’ll be 66 this year, and I get that I need a lot of variety. It no longer bothers me. I’m fortunate to be able to take my horse to a woman who trains and loves showing dressage. SHE can show, and I get the fun of watching her show him, while I take a few lessons, practice riding dressage, and then enjoy trail riding. I love watching her show my horse; it’s not my thing.
I got my camera back out again because I’d like to learn to take better photos for reference material. (I think I need a different lens!) I’m never going to be a great photographer, but I can have fun, and I have gotten some really nice photos.
So far, painting is a challenge and fun. I often end up taking a break over summer (horses), but going back to it over the winter months. I’m pretty good, too! But, it’s a hobby and there’s no pressure from anyone other than myself.
I’ve finally started to realize that lots of things interest me, but I’ve reached a point where I’ve figured out my limits. Recently I was tempted to buy a database app for my computer for ONE thing I wanted to create. It was about $60 (not bad for a good database), but I finally paid $8 for one for my iPad (an upgrade).
I know money can be an issue, and it’s especially important to consider when you’re young and raising a family. Plus, you don’t want your spouse to feel overwhelmed! So, how can you try lots of things on a smaller scale? Whatever you do, don’t be down on yourself because this is a big part of ADHD, and I bet you are very interesting because you are so interested!
Maybe you should do another post and ask people for ideas.
April 2, 2018 at 11:32 pm #80650
AnneHW… you sound like me to a T! Artistic, but didn’t view myself as particularly creative. Could draw anything I could see, but never just create. Before knowing I had ADD, almost finished Graphic Design degree, then switched to Photography… then Music.
A few years later, was diagnosed, and got Computer Programming degree and remained focused for quite some time… until now. I am still drawn to artistic endeavors (no pun intended)! My super creative and talented ADHD son (9 yrs) has me excited and looking toward art again. Afraid that I am starting my pattern over again… geez!
April 3, 2018 at 8:17 am #80692
We are alike, because I really wanted to do computer programming! My husband said I would have been bored, and maybe he’s right, but I found the detail fascinating. I could get completely absorbed trying to figure out how to get some code to work. Alas, I was an admin assistant, so I was lucky when I got anything interesting!
April 3, 2018 at 9:38 am #80707
Thank you so much for this post 🙂 I’ve been doing this my whole life and pretty much just believed I was flaky> Started my law degree, stopped my law degree to study graphic design, stopped that to study art, stopped that then started my law degree again. Currently in my 4th year and it’s purely through the determination of my wife.
Hobbies, lets see, drawing lessons that lasted 2 months, photography (this one I stuck for for 4 years), archery (recurve) then drawing again then food blogging and now archery (compound) again. Oh then there was trying to write a novel which turned into trying to write short stories. I did manage to finish two before I got bored with that too.
I LOVE researching things so something will get my attention and then I’ll research it to death “so I can make an informed decision), then I go and buy the equipment and a month later I’m bored.
So glad to see I’m not alone 🙂
My wife’s general response is “What is it this time, how much will it cost and how long will it last?” hehehe
April 3, 2018 at 9:49 am #80717
I also love researching! And it’s so easy to go down a rabbit hole while doing it. Pinterest likes to send me emails with things that might interest me, and I’m now in the middle of trying to find more information on “underpainting” for acrylics! Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to get through an online video lesson on color mixing!
April 3, 2018 at 10:11 am #80729
Yeah I know the feeling. When I do legal research for work I get side-tracked by interesting cases that have nothing to do with what I’m actually supposed to be researching. Four hours later I’m no closer to find thing what I am looking for and I’m completely drained.
April 2, 2018 at 9:11 pm #80635
Wow!!! Thank you all for sharing! For many years inconsistency and follow through has been a huge struggle for me. Nice to know I’m not alone! My creative mind is both a blessing and a frustration. An idea or interest will come to mind then 9 times out of 10, I come to a dead stop. Seems I don’t go to the next level because I’ve either temporarily or permanently lost interest or just don’t have the skill, knowledge &/or energy to take the next step. It’s very frustrating, well that’s an understatement.
April 2, 2018 at 10:05 pm #80640
Thanks for posting alishad002.
Sounds very familiar to me and I see it as just part of having an “interest based nervous system” AKA ADHD. When it gets boring, we stop and find something more interesting.
I wish I had a “solution” or “fix”, but of course it iss always just a work in progress.
I subscribe to using my ADD to my advantage rather than trying to not be ADHD, and improving “deficits” only when essential. In the right context, an ADD brain works wonders. What tends to work well for me is:
1) Having a job that requires and/or has the potential for new learning and new areas of interest. I am a clinical psychologist. I find everyone’s story is different and throughout my career I have always been finding a new techniques, approaches, client groups etc. where I can learn more. If you manage to keep the interest levels high and content varying frequently that “all in” mentality that comes with ADHD can be super useful.
2) Rotate the same hobbies; pick up A for a while, then B, focus on C then return to A. As long as it is a hobby where you don’t lose much by having a gap seems to work ok. Exercise doesn’t really fit this as you tend to de-condition, so I tend to go for types of exercise where I can read up a lot, practice technique i.e. is challenging, and swap between different types of exercise e.g. Olympic lifting, then gymnastics, then soccer skills.
3) Finding others with the same interest and intensity. I find if I meet others with my intensity and obsessiveness we help keep each other charged and I am less likely to burn them out, as with less intense individuals.
I’m working on not starting another interest/project (and buying all the gear), before starting the next, but temptation is getting the better of me more often than not.
April 7, 2018 at 8:57 am #81229
You make some interesting observations, and I think I’m finally at a point where these things are working for me! I’ve discovered I enjoy painting, and I have a friend who is learning, too. Along with that, I have a friend who teaches, and I belong to a group of local artists who meet to show what they’re working on. But everyone has different interests and styles, so I don’t feel the pressure I might otherwise.
It’s the type of thing that allows me to do research, and I’m always looking for ideas and new ways to paint. Working with color is fun! I’m just reaching a point where I’m getting pretty good at figuring out what to mix, plus I’ve found a series of videos that only last about 5-10 minutes each. That’s perfect because it’s hard for me to sit through anything longer than that. There’s lot of variety, too, and this is pretty much what I do during the winter months. I’m also painting with acrylics, and I don’t have to spend a ton of money to learn.
In the summer, I ride my horse. I went though a period where I felt bad because a friend was always working with her horse, doing the same things over and over, and she was never bored. But that’s not me; I need variety. Fortunately, another friend encouraged me to try dressage. It’s challenging and difficult to learn, but I’m lucky to have a young woman trainer who is reasonably priced and does a wonderful job helping my horse and me. I like the arena work a lot, but I can’t do it all the time. Then I go trail riding, and I can’t begin to explain how relaxing this is for me. Still, that would get boring because there’s a limit to where I can ride, and hauling any distance means time and money.
And the last thing I keep going back to is photography. It fits in with both of my other hobbies.
I was reading through the posts here, and one of the things I see is a lot of people take on hobbies that don’t sustain their interest because they are limited. Some of them are things that can be accomplished fairly easily, and then what? Or they just don’t have enough variety or they are things that might be limited because of cost and/or opportunity.
April 2, 2018 at 10:19 pm #80642
Oh man do I know what you mean! So many hobbies and skills, not enough time, money, or continued motivation! And why is it that most hobbies end up costing so much?
I started out doing decorated cakes, then gardening which turned to canning, making my own soaps and lotions, and all the essential oils to go with… scrapbooking, card making, beading and jewelry, sewing, cross-stitch, quilting… then we bought a house and I inherited my grandpas jigsaw and table saw, and all of my grandmas acrylic paints and stencils. Now with my own crafty kids we have rainbow loom, perler beads, knitting, and of course all the cool new coloring books (and at least 100+ colored pencils to go with).
MY family understands. Both my mother and grandmother have their own craft/sewing rooms. My husband tries to understand, but his family seems to have no hobbies. His mom takes pictures…puts them straight into a basic photo album-I would feel the need for an elaborate scrapbook page for each set of photos!
This all causes a couple of problems:
1.the appearance of being flighty, unable to stick to a hobby
2.the ability to do something from scratch vs buying it (takes extra time)
3.all the supplies (forget the $, how do I keep it organized!?!)
4.the time required when you hyperfocus on a hobby (and the on lookers that swear you can’t have ADHD w/ that kind of focus)
5.trying to stay on track w/ boring every day chores, when there’s 20 potential projects from 8 different hobbies- just staring you in the face! -Building an enclosure for the grill, out of the old fence panels you just replaced… seems so much more interesting than washing the mountain of laundry or sink full of dishes.
One thing that has worked well a few times for me is trading my talents for housework. I gave my mother in law a few “gift certificates” for hours spent working on her Honey-Do list (that he never does). She was thrilled, and offered to wash and fold all 9 loads of laundry that I had to do.
I also agree w/ the previous comment about doing your hobbies “in season”. I TRY not to spend all of February on my iPad “planning” my garden. I TRY to use rainy days to fold laundry in front of Netflix. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I end up sanding down a table in the living room (cause it’s too cold outside). Luckily my DH seems to be ok with whatever gets done at the end of the day.
It’s hard to remember that we are valuable members of society, but we are… and we have to keep that in the front of our minds. What you have to offer is worth it, even if it’s completly different from what you offer tomorrow!
Check out the book Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher. All about being a modern day renaissance person and how to make it work for you in a world that wants people to excel in just once area.
April 3, 2018 at 8:21 am #80693
You have A LOT of energy!!! Just reading all the things you do makes me tired (and a bit envious)! It’s interesting that we all have the same problem(s), but we’re all slightly different in our approach. I can have the energy, and really get into something, but I can easily exhaust myself, too.
April 2, 2018 at 11:33 pm #80651
I have this same problem but I found a way to make it work for me — I’m a journalist. Each story requires me to research obsessively and then, when the story is done, I move on to something new. My advice would be for you to consider jobs that allow you to work on one project at a time so that you can be all-in, then all done and on to the next project. 🙂
April 3, 2018 at 12:43 am #80660
My dad has told me more than once that nothing you learn is ever wasted, whether it’s a college degree or a hobby. I know how frustrating it is to jump “all in” from one thing to another–I do it myself. But I feel like all the little pieces of all the hobbies and interests we pick up along the way give us some depth and make us a little more interesting to others. Think of all the contributions we can make to conversations (when we’re forced to–LOL!) because we can pull those little pieces out of our pocket and use them (even if it’s a long-past interest). I really like what the posters before me said, so … it’s been said! The way you are is valuable and unique–consider it a strength, a contribution, rather than the pain in the butt it feels like to you. 🙂
April 3, 2018 at 8:23 am #80694
I’ve come to realize I’m more of an introvert, BUT I’m not shy. I’m interested in just about anything anyone wants to talk about, so I usually have no problem talking to people. It’s the ones who want to go on and on and on about one subject that get to me!
April 3, 2018 at 12:47 am #80661
What a great thread! I too have rotating interests and find this works for me. I cycle between making DJ mixes on my PC, to photography, and then to woodwork or making & fixing things. I sometimes won’t have the.motivation to do one of them and I can tend to get frustrated, but I have learned that I only really do well when the energy surges!
If I am at home and wanting to do something, it generally has to be when there is some motivation but I find putting upbeat music on really helps me get moving.
My wife has learned that if a surge of motivation hits me to just let me get on with it, as I can get loads more done, even if it is an odd time!
I find phone based customer service is a reasonable job for me, as there is structure and change at the same time, as no two calls are the same. I view ADHD as a type of “super power in this environment, as I think up things to say and ways to explain stuff that some ‘here’s mortals couldn’t do in a month of Sundays! Sometimes i wish i was more consistent, yes, but im learning more ans.more to play to my strengths. This is something my therapist advised that a lot of her ADHD people end up doing quite successfully!
My photography has earned very little income, but attracts interest and I enjoy it above all! I have recently conquered my fear of chess and found an app for teaching kids that I could understand, and now I’m loving it! My six year old is very keen to play with me too (he’s incredibly hyper!).
We’re all pretty much cut from the same cloth on here though it seems, aren’t we?!
Take a few breaths and learn to accept that this is who God made you to be!
April 3, 2018 at 12:48 am #80662
Mere mortals, sorry!
April 3, 2018 at 1:09 am #80665
I am SO glad to find out that I’m not alone in this. I’ve dealt with this frustration for at least a few decades, and it still pesters me to this day. I would loathe finding out how much time, energy, passion, and money I’ve poured into hobbies and interests that have faded. Being a hoarder, too, I cannot part with things so easily, so I always have those things lingering in a closet, drawer, etc…waiting for my return. The only things which I’ve stuck with for a good long while are writing and astrophotography. Sometimes the weather can affect my muse or opportunity for either one, but they are pretty constant. Music is a close runner-up, but I don’t give it the time I used to. At least I’m pleased that I’ve been able to be productive and have something to show for in these three areas. The hobbies that have more or less fallen by the wayside are painting, Dungeons & Dragons, magic tricks, fishing, archery, and a few others. Still, occasionally I’ll dabble at those things.
All in all, I believe I’m finally calming down a little, but I still wonder if I should discuss these things with my doctor. Also, I’m very curious if medications help with this issue just as much as staying focused and whatnot. Anyone know for sure?
April 3, 2018 at 2:12 am #80667
I got all the stuff and started to make a patchwork quilt yesterday – I was bored with it before I started sewing!
April 3, 2018 at 8:25 am #80696
See below! I could not figure out how the “response” was associated with each person! So, Cal got all of my responses to you!!
April 3, 2018 at 3:11 am #80674
Totally relate to your post, Alisha – thank you. I feel overwhelmed by too many options, fear of making the wrong choice and negative beliefs about not measuring up are frequent obstacles to my beginning to figure out how to earn a living again. I’m curious whether anyone has joined or formed a “success circle” as a way to build in accountability, encouragement/support and necessary deadlines to get started and hopefully finish it before giving up? Thanks
April 3, 2018 at 8:03 am #80686
I subscribed to this post, read yours (Boogie), and burst out laughing! Sorry. But, I can relate. All that pretty material and the beautiful examples of quilts would make it so tempting. The main thing stopping me is (after trying it several times) I really don’t like to sew!
But, I love buying books that are going to give me all the information I need to succeed at whatever. I’ve got lots of reference books; and for most of them, I’ve looked through briefly, maybe found a couple of things that were interesting/useful, and now they’re sitting on shelves: photography, horse training/riding, art books galore!
April 3, 2018 at 8:08 am #80688
Boogie, I got my response to you under Cal, for some reason! Does anyone know how to delete these responses?
April 3, 2018 at 5:24 am #80677
It is true, I also experience this.
And also only doing things that I HAVE to do. If I have 3 days left to do it, and it will take me 2 hours, I will wait until the bitter end.
It can take me 8 hours to do 1 hours work, and 1 hour to do 8 hours work, depending on the deadline/urgency.
I find it difficult to focus on my own needs.
I also find it difficult to accept that ADHD is a medical condition. I keep feeling that I am like this because I am lazy. And this creates a downward spiral of self sabotage.
Anyway, best i try do some work,
April 3, 2018 at 8:56 am #80699
Rowan that is exactly how I feel! I came across this post while researching some info for a family member. The more I read, the more I personally resonate with so much of what is being said here. As with you Rowan – I have struggled with the downward spiral of feeling “lazy” and incompetent. I believe ADD is a medical condition – just not one I ever considered I may have. I always just thought I was lazy, unmotivated or depressed. I think I need to look into this more!
April 3, 2018 at 5:43 am #80678
Could this be why I had over 20 jobs.
April 3, 2018 at 6:39 am #80679
Yes 🙁 It is sadly, part of the package. You are definitely not alone. It would be great to have a solution or even a combination of workable interventions right now would be fabulous. I am in the process of figuring out what works for me. Best of luck to you as you continue on your solutions journey. Please know that you are not the only one and as many have illustrated in their posts, things can improve. I hold on to that when I start feeling down on myself. It helps me. Glad you took the risk of reaching out. Thanks so much.
April 3, 2018 at 7:56 am #80685
YES! I admire the people who are able to finish a degree and get a job that is actually interesting! I did office work, and it was usually fun at first because I was good at it and caught on quickly. But, it got boring fast!! Fortunately, I worked at a time when “temping” offered lots of short-term jobs. My problem was they often wanted to hire me while I was still in that “honeymoon” period. I’d go for it, and then end up wanting out before a year was up. The ONE good thing for me was having an interest in learning new things, especially computer related. I learned how to do some programming with databases, create web pages when you still had to code, use publishing software, etc. Just don’t ask me to do a lot of filing, copying, answering phones.
April 3, 2018 at 7:02 am #80681
Thank you for the encouragement and empathy.
Luckily I have an understanding wife, a loving 3 year old daughter, and an awesome family.
I also receive great assistance and guidance from my professional support team.
Uncle Concerta and Auntie Rita Lynne are also good friends.
It is difficult though – how do you fix your mind, by using your mind, if the problem is in your mind?
April 3, 2018 at 7:37 am #80684
It is rough but we are “survivors with loads of skills 🙂 “
Thank you to you “alishad002” and everyone for choosing to have the courage and kindness to share and support one another in this forum. Sometimes, for me it the sharing just helps me tremendously to normalize these experiences.
April 3, 2018 at 8:25 am #80695
My interests constantly rotate, too. But one difference is that I read up about how to do something, but never actually do it. It is like there is a roadblock from knowing how in my brain, and physically doing it.
Does anyone know whether this would be considered ADD, or something else?
April 3, 2018 at 8:40 am #80697
Me too. And I love reading about all kinds of things, thinking there’s something I might want to do, and then realizing probably not. The world is full of possibilities, and that in itself can be pretty overwhelming for us. Everyone is a little different in how they react. Some people are all in, trying everything. Others do a lot of rotating (like me) and are more limited in number of interests, but end up buying all kinds of stuff.
The worst part is we are all so self judgmental! Who gets to say what’s right for you? I bet you know about a lot of different things. I’m in a history group on Facebook, and some of the people there really know a lot about specific times in history. Not me! But, I love reading or better yet, listening to a good audio book or podcast about history.
I bet there are some things that interest you more than others. Maybe find a group on Facebook (I normally don’t recommend it). I have an account, but I’ve limited it to a few groups I enjoy. No individual “friends” or family!!! And I don’t post anything personal for the world to see!
April 3, 2018 at 8:44 am #80698
In case anyone is interested, I belong to a private group on Facebook, ADHD Rewired. Eric Tivers has a podcast by the same name, and he’s actually written some articles for ADDitude. It can take awhile to get into the group, but worth the wait. Everyone is very nice, accepting, understanding and supportive. This thread is kind of typical of the people in that group.
April 3, 2018 at 9:28 am #80705
alishad002 – I am new here and came across this page while researching info for a family member. I have never considered the fact that I may have ADD, and yet the more I read, the more I resonate with so much of what is being said. Ironically, I have struggled with exactly your frustration for a long time – possibly my entire life. I am currently 51 and spent 20 years as a stay at home Mom. Prior to that I was a CPA in a fast paced environment. Over the years I have held many volunteer positions. I often felt scattered and all over the place, and yet would hyper focus when I needed to. I often became bored very quickly in the volunteer positions I took on, and then the position became a chore. I don’t know if this helps, but I recently have been thinking that what I need is a job that is methodical and structured, but different each day too. Something that is the same, yet changes frequently as well. Something that ends with each day and starts anew again the next day. Something that doesn’t require long term follow up. I keep coming back to things like retail, customer service, the news industry, travel and tourism, perhaps even something medically related in a hospital or out patient surgery center. Something where the job entails helping people for a short time, making their day, and then moving on. A job that doesn’t require long term follow up or 6 month long projects. I am not sure if you have flexibility in your schedule, or the ability to work outside the home, but I recently went back to work part time and I think it would have been quite beneficial to me and my family to have done this many years ago. Good luck to you! You are not alone. As I read and learn more about ADD, especially in adults, it seems a big part of the picture is accepting that we may have to see ourselves differently than we have all these years, and that it’s ok. I am new to this journey – but I certainly wish I knew this earlier!!
April 3, 2018 at 9:44 am #80710
Thank you all for your caring responses. It’s nice to see so many people like me. I have loved reading each one. You have all helped a lot about how to process what I’m feeling and to not feel alone. I love how interesting we all are!! I find that I’m surrounded by a lot of people that are more of the “norm” to the world. I love being different and creative like we all are! Just needed to take time before making decisions. Again, thank you all so much for your input and support. 🙂
April 3, 2018 at 11:58 am #80757
Just to add one more, so to say. I do have lots of interests. I have learned to corral them down to a set that I really care about. When new ideas come in I entertain them, without spending much money, and see how it goes. Usually it falls off. My current new one is drawing. I really do like to doodle. Now I’m trying to add color. Rather than spend lots of money on brushes and stuff I just went and bought a $7 set of markers and some blank note cards. We’ll see.
It’s interesting that many people here seem to have similar interests. Things that look pretty seem to be one of them. Art, photography, landscape design, interior design. I also like cooking. Scouting and writing software round it out for me. That seems to be enough.
Somewhere I read something that talked about getting into a groove. I guess that’s hyper focus. It requires both a challenge and the ability to see the goal. So, if I can see the fish pond with the rock water fall and the oriental trees around it in my mind, and its a big challenge, then I’ll dive in and build it. If I see the picture of the lit bridge at night over a river, but don’t quite know the right angle, zoom, etc, then I’ll bury myself in walking all over a city to get just the right photo.
The problem with all this is hyper focus is the only time I feel satisfied. The rest is just jumping around. This would be fine except that given the challenge that drives the hyper focus I have to push to achieve the goal. It’s so tiring. Every once in a while I’ll be wandering through the woods. Not a care in the world. Just soaking it all up. There is no goal. Nothing that has to be done. Peaceful. After years and years of trying new things I wonder if all I’m really doing is looking or something that will bring me that peace.
Well, this has been a jumpy post, and on any other forum I’d try and fix it. But on this forum I don’t mind just letting me be me. 🙂
April 3, 2018 at 1:00 pm #80768
I almost need to stop following this; it’s so interesting and very active! I think you make a lot of good points. I’m attracted to color and light. I took lots of photos of cloud formations one year when they were particularly beautiful.
I liked to draw all the time when I was a kid, and I tried a lot of different media. I never felt good enough, but I’ve come across a few things in some old notebooks that were surprisingly good, considering I had no training.
I completely gave up any kind of art for about 10-20 years (I’d have to think about that for an exact number). My husband I live in a small community with a surprising number of artists in the area. One day I was talking to a photographer (has a business in town) about wanting to take painting lessons, and she got me in touch with a wonderful artist who lived nearby.
I was able to take some private lessons, and it was really the push I needed. That was 10 years ago, and I still take lessons on and off, but mostly I’m happy learning on my own. I think starting out with markers sounds like fun. I started with colored pencils when I got one of the large boxes from a local place going out of business. Using decent paper is important (and probably the same for markers), but it’s two things: pencils and paper (and a good sharpener!).
I hope you enjoy the markers, and just have some fun. All kinds of great videos on YouTube (as you probably know).
April 3, 2018 at 12:10 pm #80763
There are many accommodations and modifications that could be in place for your son. His behavior is a significant change from his previous years. As a school physical therapy consultant, i have incorporated movement related accommodations and modifications in the IEP ( if it’s not in the IEP, it’s not being enforced) including alternate seating systems like a ball chair, air filled seat cushion. However, there are a lot of things to consider before the final accommodations are finalized upon. eg- how does your child, teacher, peers view the accommodation. Teacher buy in and peer awareness about the need for an alternate seating system is critical for consistent implementation of an accommodation.
Feel free to email me at email@example.com me if you need help navigating the school process in getting adequate support. There are some movement related activities that you may want to incorporate everyday too. Hope this was helpful.
April 3, 2018 at 1:06 pm #80770
I can’t even start this reply properly. erased it several times, trying to articulate the flood of thoughts/feelings/experiences generated by this thread.
I’m always nervous about commitment now because of this.
My mother called me a “half bucket of water” since I was a child – in chinese this means “start something and never finish it”.
I have so much partial experience but minimal expertise.
I’ve been labelled “not a team player” because of this.
But it’s not because we don’t try, I’m not lazy, I work so so hard. I feel far older than my age.
I remember wanting very badly to become a Zumba instructor. I put it off for 1 year because I was afraid To spend the money, get certified, and commit. I talked myself out of it over and over again. But I became miserable.
I eventually did it, after discussing with my husband ad nauseum about the pros and cons. I have thrown myself into it and I have kept it up for about 3 years. I discovered that I need to realize a reward from something to continue it. My reward is being free to express myself in dance, developing friendships through it, and gaining recognition for what I do. I was nervous at around the 2 year mark – I have had trouble keeping a job down longer than that.
Going back, I realize that those things were not rewarding for me at all. I convinced myself that it was rewarding only because I wanted to be the acceptable person someone else expected. For me, money is not rewarding. Seeing clients for the same self inflicted problems over and over again is not rewarding. Working in a job that makes me advocate for a system that is inherently against the client while accusing me of not advocating for the client enough – is not rewarding – that’s conflict of interest.
So to make my point, perhaps we are uniquely built and need to find who we really are to discover the thing we will commit to.
April 4, 2018 at 3:29 am #80832
Nudging 70 and still the same old urges when I see another bright shiny bauble. It doesn’t get better, my time is now my own but it got worse done to increased free time. I found it was a good idea when I saw another bright shiny hobby etc was to find the cheapest approach (financial and time) Borrowing, hiring, buying 2nd hand etc where ever possible while waiting to see it my interest is sustained. The other strategy i have is to be brutally honest about who I am verses the skills,personality traits and deficits I need to have to do well. Joining a club if possible to see what type of people get the most satisfaction from this endeavour. Despite all this I still end up chasing a lot of wild geese.
April 4, 2018 at 11:28 am #80867
Dear Alishad002 and Everyone,
47 year old woman, mom of 2 boys – all 3 of us with AdD…ultra focused on a hobby or task for a week or months then crash! DONE with it. All the time. I don’t spend much money on my hobbies though. I’m very cautious because I know this is how I am. Many years ago a 70 year old woman had taken a class to make snow shoes. I said to her “wow, that is a neat class to take!” She told me “most people have one hobby. a long time ago I decided my hobby was trying all different hobbies!” I was 22 years old when she told me that. I thought that was such a great way to live! Always try new things! Why not? Don’t punish yourself. Accept it. Borrow tools or take a class to save money. Be careful about “going all in” so you don’t have a garage full of “regret” – keep your hobbies as positive experiences! Love each new adventure. Rent a kayak, take a cake decorating class, a painting class, learn a language online, watch YouTube videos for awhile…maybe it’s not for you…maybe the IDEA is more exciting?! Have fun. Your mind is full of ideas…set them free!
April 4, 2018 at 1:14 pm #80884
That’s such a great attitude! I think I’ve always been a bit disappointed that I couldn’t latch onto something and really master it. I think a lot of people with ADHD are pretty smart, and catch on quickly, but then lose interest once they get to the part that requires them to push on and deal with the not so interesting parts. I once told my husband I’d be really good at some particular thing if I could just stick with it!
April 4, 2018 at 11:32 am #80868
I am a “half bucket of water” 🙁
I truly understand your feelings.
April 4, 2018 at 1:43 pm #80895
That is a good attitude! I love all the ideas of how not to spend money on it before diving in. I love decorating, painting, refurbishing/painting furniture, makeup artistry and so on…..the makeup artistry is where I spend too much. I love being creative and helping people feel good. I have moms I do makeup and people asking me to all the time, but the business side is too frustrating and I stopped with the classes because I was scared I would spend too much on them and not finish. I feel like I can’t trust myself with anything that costs money. I spent so many years being a Registed Dietitian and hated it. My kids will be in school full time in two years and I don’t want to stay home. I did sale a bunch on line for the money on a class but the supplies add up quick. So it is frustrating to love it so much then lose interest. But I think what you are saying Anne about when it gets to the boring parts you lose interest. I think that’s what’s happening to me and it feels like pulling teeth figuring it out.
It’s funny because when I was younger I would rock climb, scuba dive and then one day I decided I wanted to be a pilot (out of no where, lol) so I went to a small airport and talked about classes but you need a plane, lol. They took me up in a small plane that day for fun after talking to them. It is pretty hilarious how our minds can jump in one day to be all excited about something! Just like one of you said about quilting and then got home and wasn’t interested anymore. Made me laugh, because I obviously relate! My interests can be so extremely different too, haha! I love that about all of us but it is difficult when it comes to money sometimes and impulsivity. I will definitely be thinking about all my options and ideas I’ve been given from you all before jumping in to anything.
Also, the lawyer who’s wife says: what is it this time? How much? Time? Ect is exactly my husband as well. Also made me laugh because I understand this. If anything it is nice to see how many people relate.
April 5, 2018 at 8:25 am #80978
Alish, you started a truly wonderful post, and it makes me wonder about that side of you. And, I see that you are a registered dietitian, so you wanted to do something with people. Maybe explore that a little more?
I can tell you that as I’ve gotten older, things have definitely gotten easier. When I was your age, I felt a real need to be something or do something important, especially since I didn’t have children. I was constantly disappointed because I could never reach my goals. Plus, I was never sure I knew what those were?? I went to tech college a few times, but never got any kind of degree. I couldn’t think of anything that I felt I could do or that even interested me. My mom was an RN, and I took an aptitude test that actually said that was something I lined up with. It was not at all what interested me.
So much pressure is put on young people to go to college, get a degree, and find a career. But, that doesn’t fit everyone. And, I finally realized it’s not because I was stupid or inferior. I’m not! As I’ve mentioned, I did office work, and I struggled to find ways to keep things interesting, but I was always limited because I didn’t have a degree!
Well now that I’m more or less “retired,” I’ve found that I have a better idea of what actually interests me versus what looks like fun. I know that I’m not willing to spend too much time on something that takes a lot of set-up. I don’t like all that prep work that something like sewing requires (even though I wish I could make my own clothes). I don’t like getting into something and then having to clean up a big mess as soon as I’m done for the day (I have a room for art projects). I like people, but I’m not a joiner, and I’m not driving for an hour in the evening to go to a class. So, I get a lot of information online or from the library.
That’s probably not very helpful, but I think you’ll keep getting to know yourself better. Learn to notice the things that make you happiest, even if you end up being attracted to something else. I’ve gotten better at trusting my instincts, and knowing my limits. But it’s still challenging! Do I spend the money to upgrade my camera lens again??!!
April 6, 2018 at 12:46 pm #81130
Thank you, Anne. I do appreciate your input and it actually does help a lot. I feel that college really wasn’t the best place for me as well. It’s just all I knew to do and my mom said no matter what just get a degree. I disagree with that now that I’m older because it’s not for everyone. I was kinda pushed to just pick something. School was so so hard for me. I remember friends in class would go out all the time and study for a couple hours and I would spend 7 hours for most every test and stay up all night doing projects. I don’t know why I didn’t quit. I had to take the test several times with accommodations and did eventually pass. It was so hard. It was all I knew I could do to eventually take care of myself. Now I know there are many trades ect I think I would have been happier doing. I would likely be doing hair or something similar where I can be with people and be creative. But even to this day I wonder since I do change so much. I know now it’s a disservice to me and to the people you are helping if you don’t like what you do. So that advice I’ve learned from and will give different advice to my kids. However, having a degree can open doors and I totally get that.
I have so many ideas of things I want to do.. hobbies and to make money. I just have to make sure I dont waste a ton of money before I loose interest or get frustrated. 🙂
We need to start a support group on Facebook. Not sure how I can send out to everyone. Just a thought. Nice to have support 🙂
April 6, 2018 at 3:56 pm #81178
I’m not sure you saw my post here about ADHD Rewired. It’s a closed group on FB, and everyone is so nice and very supportive. It reminds me a lot of the poeple in this thread. In fact, I liked this so much I posted to that group about it, and got a lot of wonderful responses!
A lot of people there are in college, trying to get a degree, and struggling. And there are plenty of moms trying to figure out what they want to do, especially once their kids are in school. It runs the gamut, and always a great place to go when you need to vent or want a little support.
Funny, I used to think it would be fun to cut and style hair. The biggest holdback for me was the chemicals! I have groomed our dogs, off and on, since my husband and I got a standard poodle at least 20 years ago. I even learned how to hand strip the coat when the woman we got our standard schnauzer from wanted to show him! (That just means pulling the old, long hair instead of clipping.) I would NEVER want to be a professional groomer because it takes hours, but I kind of enjoy doing one dog every 7-8 weeks.
April 4, 2018 at 4:14 pm #80691
I Love This Thread!!
I have so enjoyed reading everyones comments, stories and such…because I can so relate to nearly all!! I am 42 and a lifetime ADHD’er misdiagnosed in the early 80’s because yeah, ADHD wasn’t all that well known then (Not in my little rural county) But dx now I totally understand all the “Great Ideas!” I always had over the years…the in-depth “Interests” all the new hobbies, careers and then my friends and family would call them my new obsessions!! Oh Wendy is obsessing over something new, watch out! LOL Yes, it’s all clear now and totally OKAY!! I have enjoyed all of my different “obsessions” In fact, I am just finishing one now. I Had a friend who claimed her husband was a narcissist. Well, I didn’t know that much to give any advice so I Googled it….from that moment forward I saw that SHE was the narcissist and it was ON! Haha 3 weeks of in-depth, fill-my-brain internet sessions for hours, videos, articles then I even wrote a “Profile” of this lady!! I discovered several of my own family members who could fall in this catagory and now I can better deal with them from my understanding. I enjoyed all of it and now I’m ready for the next best thing!!!
So yes, I get what you mean about making sure this is something that you would be consistent with…truly don’t want to waste money on something that may not last. I personally have to pray and ask for direction..so I hope you figure things out and wish you all the best!
April 4, 2018 at 10:59 pm #80971
Hey guys just an idea, but maybe we should set up a “hobby swap” system where instead of each of us buying new stuff every time we get bored and feel the urge to try something new, we swap gear with someone who has got spare gear from a different hobby that they have now abandoned.
April 5, 2018 at 4:37 pm #81067
I used to try and fight these interests, but since being diagnosed with ADHD I have learnt to embrace them.
If you avoid them, your mind will only continue to search your horizon for other things to grab the senses and raise those dopamine levels.
A new interest provides genuine rest for my busy mind.
If you find the constant change in interests frustrating, I would recommend investing more of your time in any interests which are ‘arty’, rather than ‘sciencey’. My own personal experience is that research associated with these interests never really reaches any kind of conclusion (because they are subjective) and therefore they tend to have more longevity.
Hope that helps and you find something that you can invest time in more consistently.
April 5, 2018 at 6:19 pm #81074
So, I guess I’ve narrowed things down some. I’ve managed to stay interested in painting for months now, and I’m still going strong. It’s enjoyable and challenging without requiring too much reading!! I’ve even managed to watch a few videos, and have realized I need to go back and learn some basics. It’s always fun to jump ahead! Along with that I’m really wanting to upgrade my camera lens. That’s the one I’m worrying about because it’s expensive, and I’m trying to make sure I get something I’ll use. So, I’m doing a lot of research right now and feeling a bit overwhelmed.
But, that’s just two things!!! And only one is really expensive, and if I can do it right, it’s a one-time expense.
April 6, 2018 at 8:22 am #81088
Hi 🙂 I do photography, maybe I can help. When lens do you want to upgrade and what do you want to shoot with it?
April 6, 2018 at 5:49 am #81084
aaaaaaannnnnnnndddddddd my latest project that I’ve been working on for the last 4 hours, instead of actual work or doing my assignmnt due today, … bullet journals 🙂
Ok getting back to work now.
April 6, 2018 at 8:12 am #81087
April 6, 2018 at 8:22 am #81089
and now it’s calligraphy … urgh!!!
April 6, 2018 at 8:38 am #81090
I like that, too! Got a couple of books and some very nice pens, and never got started BECAUSE, my husband (not ADHD, but certainly can feed into my impulses) got into fountain pens. Ink, pens, paper!! So much fun for awhile.
And, yes, I’d love your feedback on lenses! I have a Nikon D5500, and I wanted something flexible. Sometimes I want to shoot a still life, but I also wanted to be able to take photos at horse shows (especially action shots), and I’d like to get some decent ones of our dogs. The photography store we go to, always suggests Tamron lenses, which are okay until you see a photo taken with a really good lens. I got a zoom lens 18-270, with an F/3.5-6.3. Well, you know how compromised I am by the small f-stop, and someone else told me that the range for the zoom is too much.
Someone on a photography forum recommended the Nikkor 70-200 with an f2.8 aperture, and that’s only about $2,750!!!!! I could save up for it. The crispness of the photos is beautiful, but it is a big lens. So, I was also looking at the 24-70 that also has f2.8 aperture. It would be easier to carry, but of course, I’m not going to get as close to the “action,” and that is almost $2,000.
I’m open to suggestions!
April 6, 2018 at 9:16 am #81091
I did calligraphy many years ago. Gave all my pens and stuff away. I just want to make my bullet journal look pretty lol
I shoot canon so cant help with the specifics of the Nikon but I can tell you Tamron is hit and miss sometimes. The 24-70mm F2.8 had great reviews but when I tested it on my camera it was as not even close to sharp.
For shooting action you really want a very fast lens with zoom flexibility (f2.8 throughout the whole zoom range) It’s not really a lens you would use for still life. A normal 18-55mm F5.6, (or a nifty fifty 50mm f1.8) with a tripod, would work for that. If you are going to shoot action you will want to use a tripod as well to stabilize the camera when you zoom in otherwise you are going to get motion blur.
So, tripod, no matter what lens you choose.
The 50mm F1.8 for still life, (it’s quite cheap.
and I would suggest the 70-200 f2.8 for your action photography. I dont do action photography myself but if I did that would probably be the lens I’d go for.
Whichever lens you decide to buy, test it on your camera before you pay for it.
April 6, 2018 at 9:32 am #81095
Thanks. That’s good advice. I know a good 50mm is very reasonably priced; it’s that darn 70-200 that gets to me! Plus, I worry that I’ll spend all that money and then decide I’m not quite that interested!!
April 6, 2018 at 9:56 am #81098
My pleasure 🙂
I know exactly what you mean. Cant tell you how much money I spent on cameras, lenses, studio equipment and other gadgets cause “I was gonna go pro”. Gave it all to my wife, (except what is in my camera bag) and she now shoots 3 weddings a year lol. the rest of the time it’s just there gathering dust. and yet, every now and then, I search for new equipment lol A very harsh lecture later I go and play Diablo 3 😛
April 6, 2018 at 10:05 am #81099
I do like your idea of sharing/sending each other hobby/tools but I must be honest. I won’t do it. I am the worst about follow through with mail. Be it sympathy or birthday cards or paying bills. Auto pay is the best thing! I can’t believe I lived through the PRE-Internet days and survived (1970s child)! ha ha When someone takes the EFFORT to send me a card through land mail I am so touched it brings tears to my eyes. In MY mind and heart it is as kind and thoughtful as any gift. I don’t use Facebook so I don’t send birthday greetings to every person I’ve known for the past 30 years! Also, I don’t know where all of you live. USA? Canada? Elsewhere? But I enjoy reading your comments and ideas. It is such a relief to know I’m not the only one like THIS! I feel less alone. Thank you!!
April 6, 2018 at 1:20 pm #81141
OH MY GOSH! I DO THE SAME THING! I totally obsess about people’s personalities or dysfunctions! I want to HUG YOU! I’m not the only one!!! My son has Selective Mutism and when he was diagnosed at age 5 I was devastated and spent nearly a year researching anything I could get my hands on. At the time the internet had little information. He is a chatterbox now (age 13!). Once I figure our “her husband has narcissist personality disorder” or “his son is suffering from social anxiety” I want to tell them!!! Help your family! But I can’t. It’s painful to see children suffer. I wish someone had helped us. But we all have to get through this life on our own. Good think I’m not a Therapist! I’d be obsessed with my patients. The good thing is that I research how to help myself and my son’s (anxiety and AdD) and I’ve learned so much about my childhood – why school was SO difficult. And my boys’ dad is so supportive of all of us. Thank goodness. My boys’ lives are so much better thanks to supportive and kind teachers, family and friends. They will always have to work harder but now we know why and how.
April 6, 2018 at 4:02 pm #81179
I read somewhere that people with ADHD have a lot of empathy, and I know that’s true for me. But, I managed to cross some boundaries with one friend, apparently. I spent YEARS listening to her, being supportive, and trying to help. Everything was fine until she met the man of her dreams, I guess. (She honestly did have a lot of issues with men.) At first I was hurt, because we had been friends for at least 10 years. Now, I’m actually relieved, and learning to not let myself get quite so involved.
April 7, 2018 at 12:57 pm #81236
I do have some interests that have stuck. And it’s taken a life time to find them. I can’t find a common theme for those that have stuck. However, I did start another thread about being addicted to problem solving. Maybe the ones that have stuck are the ones that give me a rush. When I take a good picture it’s a wonderful thing just for me. I could care less what others think of it.
April 7, 2018 at 6:18 pm #81241
Good for you!
April 7, 2018 at 2:09 pm #81237
I thought I wrote this! Honestly, I was like, “Wait, when did I post this?”
I just went through this, I got really into running, so much so I was working to build from nothing to an Ultra! That’s me, all in, super intense, consuming every bit of information on a subject, then when it no longer intrigues, inspires, or I plateau, I put it down. Either for a while or forever. While trying to get better at trail running, which was often a frustrating outing, I decided to make that hour drive to my closest ice rink, I really love figure skating and am often sad that there isn’t a rink closer to me. I could have actually made the trip to this rink over 4 years ago, but couldn’t get myself to make such a long unknown drive to an unknown rink. I guess the winter olympics, combined with my skates needing to be sharpened, was enough for me to just do it. Even on that day, I was obsessed with going, I would not be happy unless I did it, but couldn’t get out the door. I finally left 30 minutes later than I should and got there 30 minutes after open skate started. But I enjoyed myself so much that I came back the week after, and the week after, sometimes twice in a week if the opportunity presented itself. I also approached an instructor who has turned out to be a real blessing. I began to move my focus more on skating, and made my fitness on the other days more complimentary to ice skating. To be fair, early on in running I sprained my knee, and had developed bursitis in my right hip. The knee injury kept re-agrevating with my running, I have bow legs and mild scoliosis, so my running gate is pretty hilarious. I still love running, what it does for my mind. But I often get such a buzz off of it, that I embarrass myself. Like I’m high on heroine or something. I’m sure my neighbor’s are terrified of me, or think I’ve had a mental break. I have, trying to live in a neuro-typical world, with undiagnosed ADHD literally fried my brain.
I like to think of it this way, ADHD and gifted people share this trait, having many intense interests. Getting fully immersed with something, and then moving on at some point to fully learn another thing. Perhaps gifted people master everything they pick up, where ADHD peeps, put it down when it no longer stimulates, or holds intrinsic value. I often come back to things I was intense about in the past. I know I will get bored with figure skating soon, and I will put it down, unless I’m able to grow and learn in ways I couldn’t in the past. I was self taught in the past. I put running down when it began injuring my body. Ect.
I think rather than feeling bad about this, you could examine it, ask why you do this, and ask if you put things down for a while and come back to them later? I enjoy learning new things, and don’t like being tied to any one thing, person, or place for too long, certainly not forever. I am loyal to a few people, my husband, daughter and family. Though there are times I need a break from them as well, to refresh, hit reset, find myself, remember my main passions. Photography has remained constant, but I go through periods of not photographing anything, because nothing is catching my eye. Maybe we understand more, that life is meant to ebb and flow, that there are seasons, day and night, and days are never the same length. Nothing is forever. We are more like nature.
What does your husband care if you want to spend money on an interest that you might not do for ever? Is it bringing you joy now? While you are doing it? Then it is a good thing. There is no ROI on figure skating lessons for some one my age. I’m not hoping for olympic gold, or some Ice Capades career. But it makes me happy, and it’s fulfilling to be able to pick up where I left off and maybe learn the things I didn’t get to learn in the past.
What is it that you wanted to do? Start a business? I have like a 100 great business ideas a day. I wish I could just be a start up person, who passes it off or sells it and then moves on.
Look at Steve Allen, author of over 300 books and short stories, over 4000 pop songs, the board game Blow Your Own Horn. Just google him. He didn’t appologize about his eclectic interests. And neither should you.
April 7, 2018 at 2:17 pm #81238
Here’s a quote I made up for myself;
“I can do anything I put my mind to, I just can’t put my mind to anything for too long”
April 10, 2018 at 8:22 am #81353
That is brilliant 🙂 May I use it please?
Here is a meme that I found
Mom: Have you gotten any work done?
Reply: No …..
Mom: I thought you took your medicine?
Reply: I did. It helps me concentrate but it doesnt tell me WHAT to concentrate on.
Mom: What have you been doing?
Reply: I’ve been watching music videos from the 90s for FOUR hours and I cant stop. Please help me.
That is exactly the kind of day I’m having today.
April 10, 2018 at 8:51 am #81354
I like yours, too. It explains a lot about our expectations for medication to work, and why we often end up frustrated and/or disappointed. We think it’s going to take care of everything, and we’re automatically going to accomplish all the things that challenge us without putting any more effort into it than taking some medication.
What I notice about my non-ADHD husband is the consistency of his mood. Of course, he gets irritated, and there are days when he feels like life could be better. But, he seems to start the majority of his days waking up easily and feeling optimistic (or at least accepting in a positive way). I, on the other hand, vary from day to day.
It’s very difficult for me to NOT become absorbed in something! Having a list helps me, but I often feel like I’m hurrying to get through the things I have to do so I can get to the thing that takes over my power of concentration. In fact, there are times when I feel like my mind is scanning my options until it hooks onto something, and meanwhile I’m a bit anxious about how I’m going to proceed with my day.
I have plenty of responsibility, but I no longer work outside of the home, which is wonderful in many ways. But also means I have to be in charge of my own time. That is sooo challenging.
April 10, 2018 at 9:18 am #81357
Yeah the problem is when the doctors think the meds will take care of everything.
“In fact, there are times when I feel like my mind is scanning my options until it hooks onto something, and meanwhile I’m a bit anxious about how I’m going to proceed with my day.” Yesss exactly. This is me today. No matter what, I cant convince my brain to work. So I’ve decided to accept it and try again tomorrow.
- This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by Morgaen01.
April 10, 2018 at 11:53 am #81371
As far as focusing on the right things (work at work, chores at home, conversations with my children, etc) I have a hard time. My brain is in control. It has the remote and keeps changing the channel of my focus. I know what I HAVE to do SHOULD do MUST do. But my brain doesn’t care. It is like having a devil on each shoulder. No angel at all. They both say: wash the dishes? Nah, that can be done later! Pay a bill? nope! fold laundry? why bother? no one is coming over anyway! This is me on medication – still not focused enough to keep my sh*t together. Especially at home where no one is there to get mad at me or shame me into work. I had two days off from work…spent both in bed – mostly asleep – some Netflix binging. avoiding the world. Where I live it’s still bitter cold and snow is still falling. Summer helps so much but only 3-4 months of that blissful warmth per year just isn’t enough. Sometimes even my hobbies doesn’t give me enough happiness. Just thoughts thoughts thoughts.
April 10, 2018 at 12:07 pm #81374
My last conversation with my wife, 90 minutes ago
Me: I have to finish my assignment tonight
Me, please check that I’ve done it when you come home.
90 minutes later I’m procrastinating by reading how to stop procrastinating and commenting here. Most days I can focus quite well with the Ritalin but on days like today my brain is driving a mustang with the window down and a finger extended out the window lol
OK going to work on my assignment now.
June 8, 2018 at 4:26 pm #85828
I just signed up after reading this thread as it resonates in so many ways with my own experiences. I’m 53 years old and been this way since I was a kid. As a youngster, my friends used to laugh and ask “What’s your new hobby today?”. Only recently did I discover the reason for this. I wish I could give it a positive spin but I find it rather depressing. I’m still searching for ways to cope with it. Part of my frustration is in I tend to do very well with any subject if I stick with it but most times I don’t. In fact, quite often, some new shiny thing comes along and I jump into it like a maniac. I research like crazy, buy all the best equipment and materials, watch videos, buy and read books then quit before I even really get started. It’s bad enough when I quit a hobby after spending time working on it. A least I tried. Quitting before really starting is much worse. Then I feel very guilty for having wasted so much money. I feel Like my life is stuck in a never-ending loop.
June 8, 2018 at 8:22 pm #85831
I feel bad when I read something like this. I really do feel your pain, but I can tell you that it’s not impossible to find something you love and come back to it.
I think part of the problem is after the initial interest we realize there are a lot more details than we ever imagined. I’m not good with that. I hate reading directions, and I often feel frustrated with the amount of time involved in REALLY getting good at something. I love the phrase “jack of all trades, master of none.” That’s how I’ve felt. I’m pretty good at a number of things, but not as good as the people who really dig in and stick with it.
However, I’ve gotten better at narrowing things down now that I’m in my 60s. I don’t know what changed, but gradually I stopped being so hard on myself. I don’t have to be perfect, and it’s not a competition. I’ve always loved horses and riding, but I don’t like showing. I admire the people who can get up at 4:00 a.m. and drive to some show even though it’s hot, raining, whatever, and persevere. That’s not me. But, I’m a good rider and I have a wonderful horse.
I’ve always been artistic, and I so admire the people who really knock it out of the park. But I also understand that it takes hours and hours and hours of work to reach that point. I could never spend that much time on ONE thing. Still, I’m pretty darn good, and I enjoy the learning experience.
Photography is one that comes and goes for me, but I’m definitely getting better. However, I’m not getting up at the crack of dawn for the perfect light.
I have lots of interests, and I always enjoy talking to other people about theirs. And, sometimes I stop something for awhile, take a detour, and come back. That’s good enough.
June 9, 2018 at 10:37 am #85839
stevewmac, try not to be mad at who you are. I think this is one of my life’s biggest challenges: just accepting myself for who I am. Just a hunch but this is probably true for everyone. Anyway, my current project is remodeling the bathroom. We’ve wanted to do this for a few years. We kept looking for ideas. It was like we were waiting for the perfect plan. The sticker shock also was something else. So I finally said it was time for a new approach. I got out some of my tools and just started demoing the room. I had a reasonably good idea of what needs to go. I was going to do the plumbing but I’ve since decided it really isn’t that expensive to hire a professional for that part. The design is changing but my wife and I are settling on something that will be really cool. Not sure about the tub yet.
The point is I’m doing this project like I do mostly everything. There is no concrete plan. I iteratively bounce around all of the parts and think about each, digging down into detail and then jumping off to another part when I feel bogged down in it. After a while I feel ready to begin. I do know what has to be done in what order. I will take my time so my iterartive mind has time to go over everything to make sure I don’t forget anything. My wife understands this process and just lets me be. I’ve done this enough that I have confidence that it will be nice when I’m done. I’ve never done a bathroom before and I doubt if I’ll do it again. I might have wasted $40 on plumbing equipment I won’t really use but I will save at least $10k on the whole project.
My suggestion is for you is to think of a project that you could use a new skill for. Start small. Understand why you walk away. If you’re like me you find a road block and give up on everything. Rather, temporarily give up on that one small part and find another. Just know you’ll get back to it. Also, when you find a small part you’re comfortable with, do it. Don’t worry about the other parts. Again, start small. Just keep coming back to it. I try to create an emotional connection to a project because I know that will bring me back. The usual external motivations don’t work. So, a bathroom that my wife can soak in a tub and be pampered is the image in my head that keeps bringing me back. Because I owe her for so much that she’s done for me.
June 9, 2018 at 9:36 am #85838
I feel like we would make awesome R and D people. Research and development. Finding all the info for a given project and selecting all the tools needed for that, and then moving on to the next project. I think we have really unique assets, but it’s not always easy finding the right outlet for that. Sales might be another good avenue, my dad was a top salesman, and I’m pretty sure he had some ADHD. He would no a product down to the solder points on the circuit board, actually that’s not an exaggeration, and he could explain it to a customer and why it made this model/product perfect for their needs. He sold office equipment to companies, mainly type writers and then computers. My mom once asked how he could stand trying to sell things to people, but he said he wasn’t “selling” them things, but that he was helping them solve their problems or find solutions to their particular business needs.
So your 53, but I bet you’ve got some great life skills and abilities in so many areas, you’re like a journeymen or road scholar. Like a Doctorate in Integrated Studies. I don’t know if you’re close to retirement or like me, in the process of re-inventing yourself yet again. But try to focus and present that positive ability. That sure, you change hobbies or interests a lot, but that if actually something that people of gifted intellect to, google it. They totally absorb themselves in something, until they’ve learned everything about it or mastered it and then they look for something new to learn, because they love learning.
Present it and see it as you having the ability to learn pretty much anything. We could become surgeons if we wanted. Isn’t that amazing? To be able to learn what ever you want? We don’t buy into that locked mindset trap. If we want to learn it we do, and we don’t think about whether or not we’re smart enough. It’s like we’ve discovered a secret door to infinite knowledge attainment that the rest of the world doesn’t know about, because they assume people have a set intelligence when in reality they don’t. You can learn anything at any time. My daughter is teaching herself Kanji, why because she loves anime and is curious. She’s 8. She changes projects a million times a day. I worry sometimes, like should I make her finish what she starts? But I leave her alone. If she starts an animation project at night, she gets anxious because she’s already figured out that if she doesn’t finish something by sunset it’s not getting done. This I think is the legacy of the intelligent being with ADHD. They say a house of unfinished projects is the hallmark of Bi-Polar disorder. But I think it’s also the hallmark of ADHD.
I guess if the project brought me enjoyment while I was doing it, but now it’s not, that’s ok. Through it out or give it away or sell the stuff in Ebay or Amazon. I do, however, need to stop buying books! Thank goodness for Kindle.
June 9, 2018 at 3:53 pm #85841
There have been a few things in my life that I have stuck with for the most part. Professionally though, I do feel like I am underachieving. Not that I’m finished yet. I’m not mad or angry, but frustrated and disappointed. I know what I’m capable of if my mind wasn’t all over the place. This week I had around 5 things scheduled to work on/learn. I’ve cut this down to a couple for this coming week. It sounds like a better plan but I have my doubts about even sticking to these. I’ll either lose interest or my head will be turned by some new shiny thing. It’s just rinse and repeat.
I love art too. I like to draw and paint watercolor and pastels. I do get to the point though where I can’t be bothered painting for a while but I at least come back to it again. Flying commercial jets or becoming a chess master were one time things lol.
I do love to learn. More than anyone I know. There are positives to take from this but the lack of follow through on so many subjects drives me a little crazy. I want to try and limit my options. Sometimes I feel I have too many options and that is a large part of the problem. I have bought and sold many things but as well as the money, it often feels like I’ve wasted so much time.
I’m still researching, trying to find ways to deal with these problems.
October 9, 2018 at 8:08 pm #101189
Wow!I am so glad that I found this site. I have never been diagnosed with ADHD but there have been sveral people who have joked around with me saying that I was ADD. I have always done so many different things in my life and I am grateful that I have a patient husband. I think it’s because I’m the risk taker that makes things happen. However I get really bored fast. I have done hair for 23 years, with 10 of them being consistant. Because I owned the business I was able to do different things. I was a cop, loan originator, probation agent, realestate agent, insurance agent, and travel agent. Of course all of these were short lived except hair and travel agent. I just got bored and would move on to something else. I kept going back to hair and travel for some reason even though I really dislike doing hair now, it does bring in right now money. I was able to hold down a job in retail for 8 years mainly because I worked as a night manager and each day brought something new. I love learning new stuff and I was able to earn two Master Degrees. Learning new stuff holds my interest for some reason. I was laid off my retail job which was good because I was ready to quit, however now I strugfle everyday because I am back doing hair and travel and feel like I am so much more to offer and I’m just stuck. My mind just runs away all the time and I find myself just sad sometimes. It really can take a toll on a person. I try to combat it by reading motivational books and they will inspire me for a day then I am right back to wondering what to do next. Sitting at home really bores me because I am not the type of person to just sit around the house cooking and cleaning. Nothing wrong with that it just does nothing for me personally. I am have started to try to let go of some of the things I do so that I can maybe give myself some time to really think about what I want to do. One thing I know is that I hate sales and nothing that I am doing now keeps me inspired. I guess I need to set up an appointment with a doctor to see if I do suffer from ADHD or if I am just a confused person who can’t make up her mind. Any comments would be welcomed, maybe you guys can give me more insight.
October 11, 2018 at 1:19 pm #101328
Well you’re not alone. I’ve had a few careers. Truck driving lasted the longest, but I hated the hours of service, 12-16 hours a day at work, 5-7 days a week. I lost my 20’s to it, with nothing to show for it. I went back to school and got an allied health degree, but once I had a child I found most employers didn’t want to hire me. I tried to go back to trucking but they wanted me to start over. I’ve been unemployed and a SAHM for 6 years and I felt really lost for a while. I only just recently found a few things I’m passionate about and use this time I have to pursue them. They are not interest that will yield an income, but they bring me fulfillment. A lot of it is athletic training based, which for me brings satisfaction and results based progress that keeps me wanting to continue to see if I can go a little further with it. A lot of ADHD people need to see the fruits of their labor that day or they feel like they are not doing anything worth while. Running gives me that instant feedback I desire in a project. I also figure skate which allows me to both challenge myself and express myself. And it’s totally my “me time”. The drive to the rink is an hour, where I listen to my music and jam out, and then at the rink I focus on my goals for that day. I only go once a week, but I run about 3-4 days a week. Again that’s my me time. I’m totally focusing on myself, and my goals for that run. I’m not worrying about my child’s or husband’s needs. It’s all about me, and I feel so free! It’s also play time.
October 11, 2018 at 12:18 pm #101325
Some one just posted about blaming, and then maybe erased the post? I know saying that ADHD is the root cause of my wavering focus sounds like blaming, but I’m really just trying to be aware of the fact that ADHD can derail my focus, or emotional control. If those who reacted before they could think, had been diagnoses with ADHD prior to committing a crime or saying something they regret and had gotten the help and treatment they needed to manage and control the outward expression of ADHD; emotional lability, focus issues, impulse control, would they perhaps had been better equipped to circumvent the very ADHD that was the root cause of their actions?
Yes at the end of the day we only have ourselves to blame for an unfinished project or a word said in reactive quick anger. After all our brain lives in our skull. But if we become aware and honest about the reasons for this, the triggers or the weaknesses, we can then use that info to help manage it and hopefully become the masters of our own destiny and lives.
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