Consequences at work

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  oblivia999 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #117176

    kesl
    Participant

    Hi all, thank you for reading. I’m in a difficult situation with a boss who has taken things to the level of HR suspending me this week and scheduling an HR meeting the morning of my return. I’m nervous about the meeting of course, but I’m also feeling relief that this might be my final experience and I can finally move on. I’m reaching out to the community for strength as my self esteem and self worth have plummeted since I began this job over a year ago.

    I’ll share that I am diagnosed ADD, receiving treatment from a therapist twice a month and a psychiatrist once monthly. I’m taking Wellbutrin and 15mg Adderal Xr. I feel that my support system is top notch; I’m ashamed that this incredible support hasn’t helped to resolve the problem. I’ll briefly describe the boss as a consistent micromanager who failed to commit to our weekly meetings to communicate needs. I’ve asked for this multiple times and she agreed, however, with a few weeks the practice dissolves and when I address it, she intimidates me with the fact that she is very busy and my job is to support her. One time, I tried following up an email she sent with clarifying questions to help me understand exactly what she wanted. She replied telling me to reread her initial email. She has condescended me in front of coworkers, she often complains about others including her boss, and she has rarely provided constructive feedback. But the reality is that I do in fact make mistakes and fail to meet her needs.

    Her primary issue is that I do not do things in the way she wants them, regardless if the end result meets her needs. The recent incidents were all on the same day. When scheduling a meeting, I used a wide time-window to identify availability as it was what the committee chair provided in an email. I failed to see the request to cross-reference with my boss’s availability before sending, forcing my boss into the situation of providing her availability in the same manner as other committee members. She called me into her office and expressed disappointment, telling me that she believes I’m bright and capable and that I need to do better. A bit later, she requested a list of faculty. I provided her with the list, however, the list included other information related to the issue she was addressing. She called me into her office and expressed disappointment, telling me that I am not following her clear instructions and not meeting expectations. I then made a third mistake, providing her with the incorrect survey data even though her email clearly stated which one she needed. Although they had similar titles and were both performed the same week back in January, I know that my fear and anxiety stemming from the first two mistakes she addressed with me in her office left me full of symptoms that led to my error. I am not making excuses; I feel worthless and ashamed.

    I have flashes of rational thought acknowledging that the environment is unhealthy and unattainable for me, but they are quickly followed by me dismissing them and telling myself that the problem is me and my inability to follow her instructions and meet her needs. I’m hopeful that there is someone who has been in a similar situation and can offer what worked for them. I’m grateful for any insight! And thank you again for reading.

  • #117216

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    You are right, the environment is unhealthy for you. Your boss is inflexible and thinks there’s only one way to do things. That’s rarely a good fit for a more creative, free-flowing mind. It may be time to find a new job that plays to your strengths and doesn’t require all the minutia that is so difficult for most ADHD brains.

    Is Your Job Right for You?

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #117224

      kesl
      Participant

      Dear Penny,

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful and compassionate response. I want to say that you have no idea how much your words mean to me, however, knowing that you’re a mother to a child diagnosed I’m going to assume you know exactly how powerful it is for me to experience compassion and validation. Thank you for your dedication to this message board.

      I also appreciate the references! I left teaching for this current job, was a public educator in secondary education for 12 years. I loved it, but was in an urban environment full of trauma and low with resources. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I felt emotionally depleted, searching for a less-emotional career and found my current job. It is in higher education working with an administrator who is one of the most powerful people in the institution. The very first job listed in this article (linked within the one you shared) lists teaching as a good job for Creative & Restless ADHD Brains. I have been thinking about going back to teaching and this discovery filled me with emotion. It is the perfect time of year to explore jobs in education and I plan to apply to suburban districts. I am deeply concerned about my boss providing a reference, however, I will navigate this carefully.

      Thank you again, Penny. I appreciate your guidance and words of wisdom.

    • #117409

      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      So glad it’s helpful! ❤️

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #118161

      Hi. I really seriously suck at filing. So much that my own dad fired me. I got a job in college as an admin asst. didn’t get fired because I quit first. Could not remember people’s names when I answered the phone. Tried writing them down but then I missed what they were calling about. Could not do the job.
      Fast forward through a few career changes, and I’m working at a high level with a huge, prestigious company. I manage information technology projects. My job is to organize giant projects. How? Because while I can’t remember anyone’s name until Ive been told 10 times, I can see the thousand little pieces and fit them together.
      Have faith. There is a career or lifestyle or whatever you want to call it out there for you. When you find it, you will know. And part of finding that is being able to step away from your current job and know it was the job, not you. Steve Jobs would never have been able to hold down a job at a factory. Elon musk would be drummed out of the military in a heartbeat. But that’s because of the fit, not the person. Don’t own this as a failure. Recognize that you tried as hard as you could and that is all any human can do. Then move on. ❤️❤️❤️

  • #118862

    oblivia999
    Participant

    Thank you for sharing this and I sincerely hope you have been free to move on in the past few days. I left my job (also had been there just over a year) and would describe my former manager exactly as you described your (former?) manager. I decided it was better to risk my very limited savings than my emotional health and having a breakdown and not being able to support my children long term. In the past 10 years I’ve had what would look to most like a fantastic career, but adult ADHD and anxiety disorder have a funny way of following me now, no matter what… with spectrum issues, our bosses and work environments condition us more than they teach us anything. We’re conditioned for reaction, for rejection, for staying a step ahead at every moment and anticipating severe consequences for things others would find a way to laugh off. And even with a great boss now, it follows me. But she lets me be honest about what I’m experiencing and so far my risk paid off. I make way, way, way less now but my old job allowed me to pay down a lot of bills I’d struggled with (which is why I’d stayed at the high stress job, tbh.) It was a risk I hadn’t taken before and maybe can’t ever take again in my life but it was that or get fired by someone who made it known whatever risk I was taking for the job wouldn’t be worth it.

    Hope you’re doing better today. Made my daily sit on the struggle bus a lot less lonely. 🙂

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