confused and trying my hardest

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    • #64303
      rachelles89
      Participant

      Hi everyone,
      So my son is 4 years old he has seen a pediatrician who said your son has adhd but sent us to a pediatric psychiatrist to help us with my sons anxiety and make a diagnosis. My son acts out of control at times to the point we cannot calm or console him. From melt downs to so hyperactive hes like the flash and all over the place. Sometimes he can be calm and is such a loving boy. His energy level is soooo high, he goes and goes and goes, he gets very aggressive if something isnt his way or he gets overwelemed, he hits, punches, has kicked his brother in between the legs multiple times causing my poor 2 year old lots of pain… many times we go in stores he runs off you can control him at all, he will go to the ballon section at the flower n gift section at say safeway or save on foods and throw all the balloons around no matter how hard i try to pull him away or get mad he cant help himself, he swings on the shopping carts, runs up and down the aisles. sometimes he gets so worked up he runs around the house goes in the front yard kicks and punches the hedges up front running around the front yard, then on the scooter then running then on the sidewalk hes all over the place.
      he screams like a banshee when upset to the point neighbors can hear him and can go for hours long… He has acted out with my grandparents as well.
      Once he started kindergarden this year it has been about 3 weeks, and they tell me is very good in class and does not stand out at all. But once he lines up after school with his class you can see all the energy inside him he will kick the air spin around while lined up. Then once we start to leave the school grounds all that energy comes out like a blast. The teacher says he may be holding all the energy inside all day. I do know that if he likes something he plays with or something that really interests him he can be calmer and enjoy it without jumping and moving. My son wont act up in his psychiatrist office he stays so calm and behaves like i have never seen before. Then my son tells me i dont know my nice doctor to know me so i stay calm.
      I donno what to make of this. I have 2 other children and my daughter is 10 years old and I have been told by the doctors I am a great mom and i am doing what is right but no matter what i do i cant seem to control his behavior… but im so confused as to why he is calmer in school and at his psychiatrist office but everywhere else he acts out… please give me some insight.PLEASE

    • #64320
      Pump2Duncan
      Participant

      Have you thought about asking the psychiatrist about family counseling? Family counseling was brought up when my son started counseling when he was 5 for anxiety related issues. It taught parents techniques and strategies that would work with the child. It taught me how to help him cope with certain situations; how to handle meltdowns; and also how to identify attention-seeking behaviors.

      It also really helped me understand my son’s diagnosis, and that understanding brought a certain level of clarity to why he did the things he did. All of it wasn’t always great fun. There were a few attention seeking behaviors that our counselor picked up on immediately that she said I was encouraging by my reaction to the behavior. But it really helped and I think it improved our relationship.

    • #64323
      rachelles89
      Participant

      That is a great idea. I do remember speaking with his psychiatrist a bit about counseling in the future but he said something about he needed to make a full diagnosis on my son first. Even though they believe it is ADHD And since he wont show any behaviours in his office other than constantly needing attention and wanting to be the center of everything he cant make a diagnosis. Just a few min ago he had a major melt down in our local grocery store…. ugh. Do you have any info as to why he will be so good in school and then once hes outta the class room he is so much more different??

    • #64358
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Kids with ADHD work very hard to keep it together in environments where it’s expected. Some can do that well and then fall apart in a more loose environment; others can’t totally meet expectations in environments like school, no matter how hard they try.

      In your story I noticed a pattern of different behavior in environments that are very structured (school and doctor visit), versus environments that are not that structured, like home and the grocery store. That tells me the more structure you can add to your home life, the better.

      10 Ways to Build a Healthy Routine

      I also immediately thought of occupational therapy. In OT, they can work on the hyperactivity, as well as the emotional awareness and regulation skills he’s deficient in.

      The bottom line is that his brain is going very fast. He may not be able to slow down to learn lagging skills and coping mechanisms without ADHD medication. There’s a saying in the ADHD professionals community: “Pills don’t teach skills.” So medication alone is never enough, but sometimes it’s needed to be effective with all the other interventions, and to help a child meet expectations.

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #64360
      Pump2Duncan
      Participant

      I had a Neuropsychological Evaluation done on my son when he was 5. In order to complete the evaluation, the doctor had to get input from parents, teachers and caregivers about behaviors they see when the child is in their care. It also included the doctor’s observations. While my son exhibited signs of ADHD at that young age, the doctor was hesitant to give that diagnosis since he was also found to be Borderline Intellectual Functioning and the doctor said he was hesitant because my son was only 5 at the time. In the end, it turned out that ADHD-combined type (diagnosised officially in 3rd grade) was the correct diagnosis and once treatment for ADHD began his intellectual functioning went through the roof.

      However, the Neuropsyc Eval was an opportunity for me to give my input on what I saw at home. My son’s counselor was not able to perform the eval but she was able to refer us to someone who was.

    • #64371
      rachelles89
      Participant

      Thank you guys so much. I’ve been feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and now I feel a bit better. My sons next psychiatrist appt is Nov. 17th then he sees his pediatrician the week after. Any suggestions as to what I can bring with me to help them understand what is going on and how bad it is getting. I cry and night and feel so lost as a parent cus I can’t help or control my own kid and I hate getting mad at him. I have been keeping a journal of each day now and I have taken videos of his “tantrums” and when he is soo hyper. I myself was just diagnosed with ADHD which explains why I had such a hard time. And I was able to hold it together in school but until now I didn’t understand my learning problems and day dreaming constantly was part of my ADHD. Any suggestions on what I can bring or show my sons doctors would be very helpful. Thank you again to all of you <3

      • #64596
        Penny Williams
        Keymaster

        Bring your daily journal and any communications about his behavior from the school.

        Penny
        ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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