Communication in a relationship where both have ADHD/ADD

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    • #193847
      Papaya
      Participant

      Good morning!
      I am looking for resources and experiences of relationships where both partners have their own version of ADHD/ADD and how to overcome difficulties. Mainly regarding communication, managing feelings and emotions and setting boundaries.

      It all started when we had a child 1,5 years ago and all of a sudden the struggle was real.
      The idea that my husband might have ADHD/ADD became real (he suggested it himself many times, is not diagnosed and not willing to or take meds), but i even made further discoveries about myself.
      In short i have experienced growing struggles in my professional life in the past 10 years. I started reading about the brain in order to test strategies to overcome my focus problem. But while i was reading about ADHD/ADD i started to grasp more and more about my possible non-neurotypical brain and how this was affecting my husband and my communication challenges.

      I am now in search of resources and experience from two ADHD/ADD partners. I suspect some of the roots of our communication problems reside in the complex dynamic between rejection sensitivity, guilt, perfectionism (each in our very own way of course), and the “people pleaser syndrome”. There is a lot of love and passion in our 6 years long relationship that we both cherish and want to preserve.
      I find it so frustrating that even though my husband and i know about many of the typical “toxic” patterns in our relationships we still trigger each other and end up in the same struggling situations over and over again. I want to highlight to him the importance of feelings (his and mine) and emotions in our communication, but when i talk about this topic he tends to retreat into himself and it ends up either in a monologue from me or a long silence so i do not dare to talk about it anymore.
      I really understand the difficulty for him to talk about it/think about it/acknowledge it and i would love to hear about different approaches that others have tried.
      Take good care of your loved ones.
      Sarah

    • #193939
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Melissa Orlov has a couple great books on ADHD and marriage. THis article on communication in relationships is helpful too:

      For Good Communication, Timing Is Everything

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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