March 21, 2020 at 3:27 am #163868Hiner1940Blocked
My daughter has ADHD and aggression issues and does not always think about the consequences of her actions. She is now charged with assault with a weapon and breaching her conditions. I’m really worried about her, as any mother would be. My daughter does not have any criminal record. I don’t know how to defend against assault and I’m really depressed. My father recommended me to hire a criminal defence lawyer so they would guide how to move forward with the case. So, I’m considering to hire a lawyer.
Can anyone guide me some tips to control my child’s anger and emotions?
March 25, 2020 at 10:10 am #166012Penny WilliamsKeymaster
There is always a triggering reason behind every behavior. It could be lack of emotional regulation, poor self-awareness, poor frustration tolerance, feeling like she doesn’t have control of her life, feeling unheard or misunderstood, etc.
At this level, you definitely need some help from professionals. But, it would help a lot for you to begin to understand why this behavior and anger is happening.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
April 28, 2020 at 6:32 pm #170594minas momParticipant
Also like I said I do not know how old your daughter is, but when I was a teenager I was in jail and I had to commit. myself to chapter and was in the mental hospital and had to agree to meds, therapy. Like I said my daughter is 7 but I am terrified as she gets to be older and a teenager.
April 15, 2020 at 3:47 pm #169092Yarlan ZeyParticipant
Feeling “trapped” can be a big trigger for mood swings, so if you can think of ways she might be feeling trapped and help her work on them, it may help.
I was going to suggest she try taking up martial arts. Obviously you might have reservations there. There are more pacifist arts such as Aikido and even Tai Chi is technically a martial art. Yoga may be good also. People tend to think of team sports etc., but more other options may be a better fit (tennis, running and so on).
One thing you probably shouldn’t do is put pressure on her to talk about her emotions. This can do more harm than you might think.
Lastly, she may be a person who naturally tends to question authority. This natural tendency doesn’t tend to be appreciated much in the world, particularly as a young person. A couple of links which may be of some help:
April 23, 2020 at 7:42 pm #170140retrodadParticipant
It’s next to impossible to offer suggestions to a situation out of context.
However, from a big picture perspective, it’s common for frustration to result from a chronic lack of listening and empathy.
Often, the solution, discovered by listening, instead of constantly telling, is simple and may surprise you.
That may not be a suggestion you expected, but if you’re not already doing it, give it a sincere effort, i think you’ll be surprised.
x-angry child, now retrodad
April 25, 2020 at 5:52 am #170370DizzyParticipant
Yarla, I think you may be on to something with the martial arts
The martial arts teach us self-discipline, respect for others
and emotional control. It is an outlet for physical energy,
while strengthening the mind.
If interested, I’d suggest looking for a gym where
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is taught. It’s a very popular
sport at the moment, so classes for beginners should
be readily available.
My two cents worth..
April 28, 2020 at 6:30 pm #170593minas momParticipant
I am not sure how old your daughter is, but I have a 7 year-old and she has a lot of anger issues. Dad and I are divorced and she witnessed abuse at 3 before we split when she was 3 and half. I also struggling with my own mental health, but my daughter has made self threat and threats to others. She can not handle her anger, does not accept consequences or criticism. Her dad just agreed to start meds, since he does not co parent with me at all. I am hoping this will help. My daughter has done a day treatment program with other kids more her age. Does your daughter see a therapist, you could try seeing if there’s programs in your area that similar.
July 8, 2020 at 2:29 pm #178468vtafutoParticipant
So sorry to hear about the assault charges. This behavior certainly is eye-opening. Here’s my two cents: I was diagnosed in kindergarten with severe ADHD and have struggled with it ever since. Curing the behavior does not happen over night, but every behavior happens for a reason. The behaviors have varying levels of severity. This sounds like a symptom of thrill-sleeking behavior that comes from a place of curiosity and immediate gratification. This type of behavior always starts somewhere. Is there something around the house that may have caused this? I have some programs I designed based on my own experiences and professional medical testimony if you would like to try them out.
Best of luck moving forward.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by vtafuto.
July 18, 2020 at 3:05 pm #179060attagirlParticipant
I know what has always helped me (life long ADHD) is when I genuinely feel listened to – no matter how intensely unreasonable what I am going on about may seem to most others. I know you cant do that all day – but maybe setting aside some “venting” time – a therapist is fine to – but someone you trust and respect and love is even better – a no-judge zone – a no-unsolicited advice zone – then if she continues to make very critically negative life choices – at least she knows that you tried your best to “be in her corner”. Hope that helps a ‘tinse” cause I’m sure what your going through is incredibly difficult!
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