Can anyone guide me some tips to control my child’s anger and emotions?

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  attagirl 2 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #163868

    Hiner1940
    Blocked

    Hey there,
    My daughter has ADHD and aggression issues and does not always think about the consequences of her actions. She is now charged with assault with a weapon and breaching her conditions. I’m really worried about her, as any mother would be. My daughter does not have any criminal record. I don’t know how to defend against assault and I’m really depressed. My father recommended me to hire a criminal defence lawyer so they would guide how to move forward with the case. So, I’m considering to hire a lawyer.
    Can anyone guide me some tips to control my child’s anger and emotions?

    • This topic was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by  Hiner1940.
    • This topic was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by  Penny Williams.
  • #166012

    Penny Williams
    Keymaster

    There is always a triggering reason behind every behavior. It could be lack of emotional regulation, poor self-awareness, poor frustration tolerance, feeling like she doesn’t have control of her life, feeling unheard or misunderstood, etc.

    At this level, you definitely need some help from professionals. But, it would help a lot for you to begin to understand why this behavior and anger is happening.

    Time for Plan B? 10 Tips for Dealing with the Explosive Child

    Exaggerated Emotions: How and Why ADHD Triggers Intense Feelings

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #170594

      minas mom
      Participant

      Also like I said I do not know how old your daughter is, but when I was a teenager I was in jail and I had to commit. myself to chapter and was in the mental hospital and had to agree to meds, therapy. Like I said my daughter is 7 but I am terrified as she gets to be older and a teenager.

  • #169092

    Yarlan Zey
    Participant

    Feeling “trapped” can be a big trigger for mood swings, so if you can think of ways she might be feeling trapped and help her work on them, it may help.

    I was going to suggest she try taking up martial arts. Obviously you might have reservations there. There are more pacifist arts such as Aikido and even Tai Chi is technically a martial art. Yoga may be good also. People tend to think of team sports etc., but more other options may be a better fit (tennis, running and so on).

    One thing you probably shouldn’t do is put pressure on her to talk about her emotions. This can do more harm than you might think.

    Lastly, she may be a person who naturally tends to question authority. This natural tendency doesn’t tend to be appreciated much in the world, particularly as a young person. A couple of links which may be of some help:

    https://www.filmsforaction.org/news/8-reasons-young-americans-dont-fight-back-how-the-us-crushed-youth-resistance/

    https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Rebel-Report.pdf

  • #170140

    retrodad
    Participant

    Hello Hiner,
    It’s next to impossible to offer suggestions to a situation out of context.
    However, from a big picture perspective, it’s common for frustration to result from a chronic lack of listening and empathy.
    Often, the solution, discovered by listening, instead of constantly telling, is simple and may surprise you.
    That may not be a suggestion you expected, but if you’re not already doing it, give it a sincere effort, i think you’ll be surprised.
    x-angry child, now retrodad

  • #170370

    Dizzy
    Participant

    Yarla, I think you may be on to something with the martial arts
    recommendation.

    The martial arts teach us self-discipline, respect for others
    and emotional control. It is an outlet for physical energy,
    while strengthening the mind.

    If interested, I’d suggest looking for a gym where
    Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is taught. It’s a very popular
    sport at the moment, so classes for beginners should
    be readily available.

    My two cents worth..

  • #170593

    minas mom
    Participant

    I am not sure how old your daughter is, but I have a 7 year-old and she has a lot of anger issues. Dad and I are divorced and she witnessed abuse at 3 before we split when she was 3 and half. I also struggling with my own mental health, but my daughter has made self threat and threats to others. She can not handle her anger, does not accept consequences or criticism. Her dad just agreed to start meds, since he does not co parent with me at all. I am hoping this will help. My daughter has done a day treatment program with other kids more her age. Does your daughter see a therapist, you could try seeing if there’s programs in your area that similar.

  • #178468

    vtafuto
    Participant

    Hey there,

    So sorry to hear about the assault charges. This behavior certainly is eye-opening. Here’s my two cents: I was diagnosed in kindergarten with severe ADHD and have struggled with it ever since. Curing the behavior does not happen over night, but every behavior happens for a reason. The behaviors have varying levels of severity. This sounds like a symptom of thrill-sleeking behavior that comes from a place of curiosity and immediate gratification. This type of behavior always starts somewhere. Is there something around the house that may have caused this? I have some programs I designed based on my own experiences and professional medical testimony if you would like to try them out.

    Best of luck moving forward.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 6 days ago by  vtafuto.
  • #179060

    attagirl
    Participant

    I know what has always helped me (life long ADHD) is when I genuinely feel listened to – no matter how intensely unreasonable what I am going on about may seem to most others. I know you cant do that all day – but maybe setting aside some “venting” time – a therapist is fine to – but someone you trust and respect and love is even better – a no-judge zone – a no-unsolicited advice zone – then if she continues to make very critically negative life choices – at least she knows that you tried your best to “be in her corner”. Hope that helps a ‘tinse” cause I’m sure what your going through is incredibly difficult!

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