July 21, 2018 at 10:22 am #89065
Recently I ended an 8 month relationship with my ADHD/ADD boyfriend. We’ve had so many problems over the past 8 months and broke up numerous times. I couldn’t do it anymore, I always found myself so frustrated and annoyed with his actions and he never really seemed to care when I was upset. He’d brush my feelings aside and ignore me when I was visibly upset.
During the first two months or so of dating I didn’t know that he had either, it wasn’t until I asked why he’d jump topics in conversations so much that he told me. I felt a little betrayed that he couldn’t share this information with me right from the start. I decided I’d try my best to be patient with him, but it felt like a mother child relationship often and less like a relationship. I had a habit of taking care of past partners as well.
Anyways, he had an unhealthy obsession with his phone, anytime we moved even an inch he’d have to check our location in on Facebook, or post it into his group chat, or text numerous people pictures of what we were doing. We never had any quality, one on one time. This was an issue I discussed with him numerous times and asked him to change, but he’d never really change anything past a day. The phone always had his attention, and when he wasn’t on the phone, he’d be watching random videos on his laptop.
8 months in and there were still many times he’d forget things about me, and although I know he couldn’t help it, it was so hurtful to me. He had a drinking and spending problem. He’d drink 2-3 beers a day at least and anytime he got some extra money, it’d be gone in a few days. The only person he’d ever spend his money on is himself, and he often talked about himself in conversations with others, he would never ask anyone questions about themselves, just rant on and on about his life.
The final straw for me was our vacation, we had a tropical destination vacation planned and I was initially so excited for it. But I found myself so unhappy and constantly upset and annoyed with him. He spent about 98% of the vacation on his phone, we did a tour to some famous landmarks one day and he cared more about sending pictures to people and his group chat than actually enjoying it with me. I took photos but figured I’d post them later, I don’t have an obsession with keeping the world informed on my whereabouts during every moment of the day.
I couldn’t do it anymore and broke up with him. I love him very much and I know he loves me as well but nothing ever changes. He isn’t on medication and I’ve told him I couldn’t be with him unless he is being medicated but he never takes my request seriously, I think he refuses to take any because it would almost be admitting he isn’t normal, and it would make him feel crazy. But I guess his pride is more important than our relationship. I tried my hardest, am I in the wrong?
July 23, 2018 at 11:06 am #89114
No, you’re not wrong. Untreated ADHD is not fun to deal with, and no one is under any obligation to deal with it except parents of children with ADHD.
Sounds like he’s doing plenty of self-medication (alcohol, social media), which isn’t very effective. You gave him the feedback he needed, and the consequence he earned. Hopefully, you’ve planted a seed that will someday be helpful for him.
August 1, 2018 at 1:59 pm #90010
You chose you! This is probably the best thing you could have done. Being ADD doesn’t give you a free pass to disregard the feelings of others. I hope he learnt something from this situation but I regretfully think that you are not the one who will benefit from his new knowledge. You are better off apart.
September 12, 2018 at 10:08 pm #99120
No, you’re not in the wrong – but neither is he, IMO – from what I read it seems expectations were not being met. Best to end it.
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