Blurting Out At Work

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    • #104257
      MJ1981
      Participant

      I have a problem I don’t know how to fix. First up, I’m a male in my mid-30’s who was diagnosed with ADHD (and other learning disabilities) when I was a toddler so I’m pretty used to dealing with my ADHD. I no longer take any medications as I stopped taking them when I turned 18. I’ve mostly managed to “control” my ADHD for the most part, but the one big issue I still have is knowing when I’ve crossed a line and said something totally inappropriate. This seems to come up a lot, especially at work. I don’t mean to be rude, but sometimes I blurt things out because I feel like if I don’t get the words out right now that I’ll just blurt. This often leads to me not “thinking things through” and saying something less tactful than I had intended. It often leads to hurt feelings and then I spend all day angry at myself for this latest slip up. In past jobs It has lead to me being written up and suspended a lot. In my current job It’s more stressful because it’s the first job I’ve ever had that I really like and want to make a good impression. It creates a lot of anxiety because the harder I try not to “slip up” the worse I feel when I do.

      I also seem to be hypersensitive to criticism regarding this issue and take it very personally.

      How can I do a better job of managing this without taking meds. I hate taking meds because they make me feel sluggish, empty and vacant.

      Another thing, because of the advice of my family I never disclosed my ADHD to my employers out of fear of being discriminated against. I’ve been there for 2 years now and seem to be in good standing.

    • #104259
      KcassieB
      Participant

      You and I are in the same boat O.o I’m always causing myself problems in relationships and elsewhere because I’m very deft speaking and then thinking. I think the first thing that we can do is not be so stressed about it. Example: I was living on an island for a while, and literally couldn’t remember/understand the roads I frequently drove on for six months because 1) I’m terrible at navigation and 2) the person I drove with always made me stressed about the roads. The hightened stress of this person only made it worse. The more we beat ourselves up for what we deal with, the more we feel that we are incapable of dealing with it (ironic because I had a breakdown today, doing this very thing – taking my mom with much more severe add to make me feel better). I think that the worst part about my whole island experience was that the people there didn’t understand what add was, making me feel more different/alone than I was. The thing that has helped me reach peak togetherness (something I’m slacking on now :(…) was making a goal every week and really focusing on it. Even if you are able to improve it a little bit or remember to work on your goal, you’re going to make a lot of progress. Hope that helps!

    • #104261
      MJ1981
      Participant

      Thank you that does help a lot. I guess what bothers me most is that I don’t want people to think I’m just being rude or mean and that it isn’t coming from a derogatory place.

    • #104288
      JWK
      Participant

      I find that acknowledging youre sorry straight away is easier than stewing over it. A simple, “sorry that came out totally wrong” OR “that sounded a bit wrong/harsh/strong sorry!” My brain too does this…often taking a big deep breath before speaking or imagining you are the other person before you say the comment can help unfiltered brain farts.

    • #104357
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Try carrying a tiny notebook everywhere. When you feel the urge to say something but know you need to wait, jot it down in the notebook. That should relieve the feeling that you’ll burst if you don’t get it out, and it will keep you from forgetting what you wanted to say when there’s finally an opening in the conversation. And, if anyone asks, you let them know you didn’t want to interrupt them, but didn’t want to forget your thought either. Now it’s a seemingly respectful action instead of a seemingly disrespectful action.

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

      • #104436
        MJ1981
        Participant

        that is a great suggestion about the notebook.

    • #104442
      strwbry
      Participant

      I like the notebook idea! I too try to take a deep breath… Usually I just end up apologizing a lot. 🙂
      But I find that if I do apologize quickly and express that I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, people who know me well are usually quick to forgive.

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