February 23, 2019 at 10:40 am #109898
How do you know the balance of punishing correctly but also understanding some things are out of their control?
When this school year started my son went to Kindergarten, ADHD was not something we EVER thought about. He started coming home with “bad color” days for his behavior chart all the time. He did almost 3 years of preschool and there was literally 2 days the entire time he had an issue the entire time there. We tried to give him a reward system with any week he didn’t get the two lowest marks he’d get a prize and he’d get to choose something to do that weekend and after weeks and then months of this just not happening we were all stressed out, stuck in the house, angry to be honest. His dad tried taking toys away and it didn’t help. His dad even tried spanking him for awhile and that didn’t help. We talked him to death, we lectured, we caved in and tried to bring joy back and try to start over, it just went without much good. We also noticed his teacher was nitpicking at him which also didn’t help with notes being home almost daily about things we’d roll our eyes about.
I regret a lot of things that went on in the early months especially now seeing so much wasn’t his fault at all and learning more about this disorder. Now I’m just trying to not let him get away with just everything but trying to be more understanding too. I don’t want to take everything away from him.
February 25, 2019 at 3:11 pm #109973
The ideal is to understand your child and his developmental delays and the way his brain works. Then you can understand what behavior is from his ADHD and what is not to decide on punishment. When punishment doesn’t work, then it’s related to the disability. I like Ross Greene’s approach the best for parenting and behavior. Read his book, “Raising Human Beings.”
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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