June 14, 2017 at 8:08 am #51344
I think if a husband’s family has history of ADHD then having artificial insemination to avoid ADHD passing in children by birth is an option. I think to do so when I will marry any girl. I don’t want her managing me and my children with ADHD. It will ease her life. What do you think?
June 14, 2017 at 10:26 am #51351
I think I would speak with a physician prior to making a final decision – and also your future wife. While your motives are honorable, an expert in the area of genetics would be able to provide you with valuable information.
For example, my maternal family has a history of a genetic disorder that causes deafness and blindness. After speaking with a physician I learned exactly what the chances were of my children suffering from the disorder, and what my children’s children chances are.
I’d also like to say that no one in my family or my child’s father’s family has ADHD or ADD; however, my son does. My other son also doesn’t have ADHD or ADD.
June 14, 2017 at 11:45 am #51354
This made me a little sad. Obviously I don’t know how severe your presentation is, but it sounds a bit like you’ve given up on yourself (I hope I’m wrong!)
My situation i the reverse of yours: I have an 8 year old and my VERY RELIABLE spouse and his parents hold the fort down, and I inadvertently and sometimes unknowingly disappoint and offend them all a lot. Andrew may be presenting, but it’s hard to say at this point if it’s heredity or modeling. Either way, we’d never erase him–he’s our biggest joy and a super fun and well-behaved kid, though he does his work way too slow in school. I admit that it’s scary for me to wonder if AJ will struggle more because of “my genes.”
Perhaps you could try to reframe a bit–ADHD has many hidden gifts are frankly delightful to pass on when well- managed, and systems can be put in place to help you all. Please don’t think you are not worthy of having a biological child. You all should watch “How to ADHD” on YouTube–she’s wonderful and can help you all EMBRACE the joys that come with this.
Be SURE you really mean it/are OK with this option BEFORE bringing this up to your wife. By that I mean, make sure you’re not subconsciously trying to set her up in any way as a test of her love for you, or playing martyr. Both scenarios are not shameful–I see these behaviors in myself when I’m being honest. If you are sure it’s a purely noble motive, and if she considers it and you both decide to do it, COMMIT to the decision and never look back, accept that child as yours either way and you two still can have the bonding experience of raising a child together.
Just my opinion. Also, don’t give up on getting the best treatment for yourself–this could change both of your minds as well, and you can be a better role model as well.s
June 14, 2017 at 4:06 pm #51379
I imagine a certain amount of compassion for your unborn children motivates your desire not to pass along your genes. Your life has been made harder because of ADHD, and you’d like to spare them your suffering. Compassion is a hallmark of good parenting.
This is one of the most deeply personal decisions to be made by two people. Emphasis on two. It’s entirely possible, maybe even probable, that a women who loves you will want her children to have your smile or your impulsive creativity. Unless this woman is already in your life, you don’t know what she will want. You will have to take your future wife’s opinion into account. The beauty of love lies in it’s unpredictability. Don’t foreclose on your future prematurely.
In the mean time, figure out how you will “manage” yourself. This is not a wife’s job, it’s simply the job of being human. Find a life that works for you, before you decide to share your life with someone else.
- This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Laura C..
June 15, 2017 at 7:49 pm #51448
Thanks to all because you all have made valid points. I had taken the above points in consideration. I don’t have problem having ADHD children. I would however like to keep that option for my future wife. She may decide what she wants to do. However I will make my case to her about having and not having ADHD children. I just got that thought because the way I suffered beacuse of late diagnosis made me realize that it may be hard for my wife to manage my ADHD lifestyle and my ADHD children’s lifestyle. I think there is a always a probability of passing ADHD through genes. Even most of my siblings (cousins) have ADHD though my own brother doesn’t.
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