November 8, 2017 at 12:38 pm #67675
I just need to feel like I’m not alone. Does anyone else blame themselves for their child’s ADHD or any other co-existing conditions? I didn’t find out I was pregnant with my son until at least a month or so into the pregnancy and I wasn’t taking care of myself in the way I would have had I known I was pregnant. Sometimes it’s hard to not look back and blame myself. Maybe had I provided a better in-utero experience, we wouldn’t be dealing with all these issues we are with him. What makes matters worse is that my 2nd child doesn’t seem to have any of the same conditions as my first child does, so it just provides a great or maybe not so great comparison point.
Does anyone else out there do the same?
Mind you, these feelings don’t overwhelm me on a day to day basis, just sometimes when I’m at my low points…
November 8, 2017 at 3:08 pm #67707
Sometimes things happen without any rhyme or reason. I planned both of my pregnancies and was extremely conscience of everything I did and ate before and during pregnancy and while I was nursing. Yet my child was still diagnosed with ADD as an adult. I am trying to be supportive and caring as much as possible as a parent today.
November 9, 2017 at 9:48 am #67804
I went through the same inward search for reasons for my son’s ADHD. There were many potential causes (I begged my doc to induce a week early due to how crappy I felt, I was on pitocin a long time, they lost his heartbeat during birth, he had persistent 105 degree fevers his pediatrician didn’t treat for a month, despite my repeated pleading and many tests), etc. Could one of those have been the cause? Maybe, but it’s more likely that he inherited it genetically from his undiagnosed dad.
A few years into this journey, I decided to work on stopping this unproductive and damaging train of thought. It took a lot of mindfulness, but I rarely think about the cause anymore. I accepted ADHD (and the rest of my son’s alphabet soup of diagnoses) as part of who he is, and I accepted that it’s here to stay. It was actually very freeing.
You’re certainly not alone!
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
November 16, 2017 at 10:58 pm #68388
About a quarter of the time.
Another quarter is spent blaming America’s society of “self-reliance” that makes finding help expensive and isolating.
The other quarter seems like it’s spent getting frustrated and shouting and feeling guilty about not understanding my own ADHD-I diagnosis enough to help myself.
The last quarter is probably not sleeping enough.
March 20, 2018 at 10:41 am #79387
May 7, 2018 at 11:04 pm #83756
Yep I do that sometimes. I had pre-term labor and was on bed rest in and out of the hospital for about two weeks. Eventually my son was born at 34 weeks. When I was on bed rest at home I got up to do things from time to time. Nothing major but more than just using the restroom. Of course now I think if only I had been better about staying in bed. So I wonder if his pre-maturity is to blame and if I could have kept him in there longer.
July 29, 2018 at 1:48 pm #89714
Even I used to feel the same way. But after I met some ladies with ADHD child in spite of having well-planned pregnancies, I stopped. Yet, sometimes the things are too bad and I feel like I am a failed women because I could not give birth to a perfect child. (sorry it is my weird feeling of frustration. No offence to other parents here).
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