Anxiety from a past event, now I have ROCD? Help
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Before explaining my problem, I have to start with a past event that caused it:
Years ago after I broke up with my bf I met a guy, who was really a good guy.
We started going out and after we started dating too… I was happy then after 6 months I got a weird anxiety going on. I felt pain and heavy when I was with him and had no idea why… I didn’t want to leave him but 5 months after I realised that wasn’t anxiety but an alarm bell telling me he wasn’t the Right guy.
So basically during that time I forced myself to contrast my anxiety from pushing him away and forced the relationship.
This started my General Anxiety for everything and relationships. Thinking that Those who loves me I push away and Those who I love reject me.
Plus every time I got anxiety in relationships I connect it to this past events and gets me nervous.
The problem now is:
After years I met an old friend which I really liked. We started dating, he rushed a bit, I was a bit unsecure and afraid since my past experiences (love got me scared) so I wanted to make sure my feelings for him because I didn’t want to hurt him after.
Then after I was sure I loved him we are a couple now.
After some time I had anxiety crisis again and I started worrying about my Past again. Because I didn’t want it to happen again.
So… I became a Slave of my anxiety.
I started having Intrusive Thoughts about me and my relationship.
I started thinking: *maybe I don’t love him for real because we started slow and I was insecure?
Maybe It’s just an illusion? What if will happen the same thing? What if my anxiety will push him away? What if I don’t have ROCD but he’s the wrong one as well? What if is the same situation? What if is another alarm bell? *
The different things are that I don’t feel sick next to my boyfriend like in my past relationship in which I was feeling sick everytime I was with that guy.
Plus, if I’m away from him I don’t feel Better like in my past, in which the more I was away from that guy the more I was good.
And sometimes my anxiety leaves me and I feel sure and secure about my feelings for him:that I want to live with him and marry him eventually.
It comes and goes as it pleases. -.-
I started seeking confirmation in an obsessive way of everything.
Like:
Not seeing him for a long time then checking if my heart sparkles as soon as I meet him again.
Stupid things like that. .
But when I’m alone my mind start haunting me and don’t know what to believe.
I would feel Dead if I have to leave him because of my anxiety.
What should I do?
Because even If I ignore those intrusive thoughts, physically I feel like hell
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Everyone has some insecurity in relationships. Anxiety can amplify that. It sounds like it would serve you well to work with a therapist to work through some of these hurdles so you can feel good in your relationship.
Penny
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism -
Oh God! Listen! Never lose your loved ones to this anxiety and depression. I know how anxiety sneaks into our lives and never leaves us alone since then but trust me it’s in our hands. Me saying this is definitely easy but I understand it’s tough to give our words a life by acting on them. I had lost a lot of things to my anxiety and now I understand and regret things I could do better. So realize is fella before it’s too late. Try to get some mental peace tips that could help you out. This is something I feel like sharing https://ezcareclinic.com/top-3-mental-health-tips-from-15-practicing-professionals/ , The reason I’m sharing this is, it has professional advice and they are definitely gonna help you out.Keep your loved ones close and connected. You’re a strong person and you can compete for this also. SHINE BRIGHT! <3
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