February 4, 2019 at 3:28 pm #108520WabbajaxParticipant
This is my first post. I’m just reaching out at this point because I can’t deal with all the anger and frustration I’m feeling inside.
I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder several years back and have been medicated for those for about 3 years. I was just diagnosed with Adult ADHD but I’m convinced based on several articles on this website that I also have Executive Functioning Deficit.
I’ve been taking Adderall for just over 3 months. Today was awful. I could tell every time my mind hit a snag. I was trying to pay attention, trying to stay motivated, trying to stay positive. But then someone would mention that I’d not grabbed the drill bit and electrical tape I had left to go fetch. Or I’d need to remember a specific detail like the circuit number of the wire we were pulling, and it was like the information was there but I couldn’t remember it! All day long I had that awful sensation you get when you’re trying to think of a word during conversation, and the word is just on the tip of your tongue, but it won’t come out. Only this was happening with work details.
I’m sure this isn’t anything new, I used to call myself scatterbrained voluntarily. But now that I know what it is and notice when it’s happening, it’s so much worse. I can try all I want to fix it, to make it stop happening, and I can’t.
I feel very alone and very broken. I don’t feel smart. I honestly don’t even know how I’m supposed to keep doing my job this way.
I’m tired of my brain behaving like a cassette tape and re-recording over important information when instructions are too long-winded. Tired of the 8-hour work day reducing me to a hopeless defeated drone. I’m tired of fighting my own body to make it do what it is supposed to do naturally.
I don’t want to be neuro-atypical. I just want to live at peace.
Since standing in the middle of the street and screaming is somewhat frowned upon in polite society, I figured I’d just blow up here.
It’s been a rough Monday.
There. I’m done.
- This topic was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Wabbajax.
February 4, 2019 at 5:42 pm #108586TreehuggerParticipant
I have been taking Donazapil ( off lable)
Has evened me out so much.
Tried soo many meds. Asked myy neurologist if I could try this,I had read about others trying it and it working for them.
I have a traumatic brain injury wich leaves me with short term memory loss. I aldo have GAD.
So I know the frustration and Anger that comes with it ALL.
HOW I have not been fired these past 2 years at THIS job. I blow up at my boss at least weekly.
February 6, 2019 at 8:09 am #108759Penny WilliamsKeymaster
There are two types of stimulants: amphetamine (Adderall, Vyvanse, Evekeo…) and methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, Quillivant…). Almost everyone does well on one type or the other, but not both. It could be that Adderall is not the right type of stimulant — you may do better with a methylphenidate. This is something to talk with your prescribing doctor about.
Make sure you temper your expectations of ADHD medication as well. It doesn’t erase ADHD symptoms, it improves them. That’s why additional modalities, like therapy and lifestyle changes, are recommended in addition to medication.
I don’t have ADHD and I have to write everything down and make lists for all shopping trips. My spouse and I use the Wunderlist app to keep running, up-to-date lists that both of us have access to at all times. Anything that needs to be purchased goes on that list. Anytime we think of something we need, it goes directly into the list. If I’m heading out for some things I haven’t put on the list, I’ll make a list just for the things I need in that trip before leaving the house (like if I have a new idea for something and am going out right when the idea strikes). I also put everything on my calendar with 2-3 reminder alerts. No one has a perfect memory. 😉
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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