An ultimatum for ADHD boyfriend…

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    • #121830
      watpomp
      Participant

      Hi,
      me and my bf are together more than 4 months now. Both wants to create long time relationship.
      We started spending a lot more time together. He works part time for nights and then sleep at mine.
      Last time we spent together 9 days in the row and I started to notice loads of ADHD behaviours which are comprehensive for me and I’m finding myself constantly nervous.

      I’m really patient for him but I don’t tolerate violence. We had situation when he get so angry as started shouting at me in a fury. I was terrified. It wasn’t first time.

      And I decided that I just can’t stand it anymore. I feel like his ADHD is worst and worst. He was meditating before so it was better. But now he’s distracted all the time and he’s got addicted from his phone which distracts his even more!

      After this situation I told him that he should pack his stuff. And we can be together only when he’ll start treatment for ADHD. He believes in all stereotypes abt medication and don’t want to take any meds (that was before). Now he told me that he’ll do it and already done an appointment to the doctor.

      Did I made a right decision?
      I gave him an ultimatum. But on the other hand I didn’t saw any other solution. I’ve done everything to give him support, patience and educate myself and he didn’t even try to manage his symptoms which have huge influence on me…

    • #121832
      Dizzy
      Participant

      watpomp; Every marriage/relationship issue is different, as every human
      is different, so it’s honestly very difficult to sort out when someone
      doesn’t actually know you or your bf.

      I will say this: You, as an individual, have the right to live your life
      in the manner you choose. You have your own hopes and dreams, and I’m sure
      your BF does as well.

      We all have our challenges of one sort or another to work through. If
      his ADHD is un-medicated, and you feel it’s not a safe situation to be
      in, then by all means you’ve made the right choice in not living together.

      You said: “I gave him an ultimatum. But on the other hand I didn’t saw any
      other solution. I’ve done everything to give him support, patience and educate
      myself and he didn’t even try to manage his symptoms which have huge influence
      on me…”

      OK, you gave him an ultimatum, and now he has a decision to make. As for your
      efforts in the relationship, relationships aren’t always 50%/50%..actually
      that’s probably pretty rare..lol. Sometimes it’s 80/20, others it’s 20/80…
      the key is it all balances out in the end.

      If he gets help from an MD, and makes the effort to get his life straightened
      out, then perhaps you two can begin again.

      Sometimes the hardest decisions we have to make involve re-directing our lives
      back in the direction we want them to go.

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