Always out-argued?

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    • #124169
      HarryTheHat
      Participant

      Is it a thing with ADHD that it’s hard ever to win a debate? I’m by no means stupid, self-opinionated or pig-headed but I don’t think I’ve won an argument in my life. I have good ideas but I can’t marshall or express my thoughts well. Other people, even if they’re dead wrong in my view, seem so much more convincing, to the extent that I give up frazzled and embarrassed. Does this happen with other people?

      • This topic was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by HarryTheHat.
    • #124394
      maxht40
      Participant

      This happens a lot! All throughout my life, I could never win arguments. I was more worried about keeping the peace than winning or proving I was right. I didn’t want to appear “dumb” to he other person, even if I knew I was right! I couldn’t make sense of it as to why I did this.

      Until recently, when I was diagnosed and treated for ADHD, has this become easier. After I figured out this was connected to my ADHD, I now can form sentences better and focus on my reasoning.

      • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by maxht40.
    • #124423
      Dizzy
      Participant

      Is it a thing with ADHD that it’s hard ever to win a debate? I’m by no means stupid, self-opinionated or pig-headed but I don’t think I’ve won an argument in my life. I have good ideas but I can’t marshall or express my thoughts well. Other people, even if they’re dead wrong in my view, seem so much more convincing, to the extent that I give up frazzled and embarrassed. Does this happen with other people?

      Can’t say if it’s an ADHD thing or not, but you’re certainly not alone when
      it comes to lacking debate/argument skills. I’m afraid some of us are just
      genetically predestined to stink at it.

      In my case, like you it’s not for lack of facts or knowledge of the issue
      being debated. I’m also considered to be well spoken, but I’ve never learned
      how to speak in “bullet points” as so many younger people do today.

      If a debate were limited to just the facts, people like us can do just
      fine; it’s when human emotion comes into play that the problems arise.

      Been married four times, and when it comes to “debates” with the wife, unless
      it’s some major, life-changing issue I can tell you from experience it’s a whole
      lot easier to just agree with her, and move on. Life’s to short for all that
      unnecessary drama, and if it keeps the Queen happy, I’m good with it.

      A debate becomes an argument the first time a voice is raised, and at that
      point progress stops, and generally any discussion beyond that will not result
      in a solution.

      If I choose to debate a issue, I’ve learned to listen carefully to the other persons
      debate points, and then compare their position with my own. You have to understand
      where the other person is coming from, as otherwise you’ll never understand why they
      hold the position they do. Once you understand that, it’s more of a matter explaining
      to them why you believe differently. Remember, you’re working towards a reasonable solution
      to the disagreement, and it’s not a Win or Lose situation.

      Try that approach and see if it brings a more harmonious outcome.

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