AHDH and relationships

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults AHDH and relationships

Tagged: 

Viewing 2 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #105449
      Anne
      Participant

      When we started dating, my ex-boyfriend was thoughtful enough to do research on characteristics of ADHD and dating/relationships with people with ADHD and was very understanding for a long time. I tried to be on time and do things people without ADHD do. He was patient with my lateness and busyness for a long time, but he got tired of it. We always resolved our problems fairly quickly, and I thought, were pretty good at apologizing and taking responsibility our parts in things and making plans to prevent future problems. At some point, the majority of our problems began to be caused (he thought) by my ADHD. If I was unhappy about something, it was my ADHD talking. I was reacting or overreacting and it wasn’t really legitimate because I have ADHD. He suggested that I needed more meds or that maybe I was bipolar (what???). A few times he talked about my ADHD as if it were something completely different, like it meant I was crazy or that it was caused by someone else. It felt like he was putting it in my face to make points and making it into something its not, and saying that it wasn’t his point, but that he was bringing those things up trying to help me. Has anyone else experienced that kind of thing?

    • #105533
      ADD4Life
      Participant

      Anne,

      Diagnosed with ADHD since young age I’m 25 now been on meds til after high school doctor thinks I grew out of it but I never felt I did. Anyways back to the topic. Dated a girl one time for 3 years she knew of my ADHD like you said after awhile she got tired of it argued a lot tried to make things work looking back though she wasn’t right for me anyways. My struggles in relationships now are I get with someone get bored wanna move on to something else. Currently in a relationship with a girl who has ADHD so we kind of understand each other and the symptoms we have. The symptoms that drive me crazy is my mind never stops,forgetfulness, focus, impatient, always in a hurry, sitting still which is embarrassing because people prolly think I’m a crackhead or on drugs(hyperactive). People don’t “get” our struggles with this illness, maybe your ex knows someone with ADHD/ADD sibling or family? Still not right for him to throw it in your face for points.

      -Dan

    • #106053
      damnmouse
      Participant

      Even if something you’re struggling with is “Just your ADHD,” you have a right to be understood and heard, and if your boyfriend is going to be your boyfriend he needs to think of ways you guys can support eachother. Lets say hypothetically, you feel irritable and brain-fried today because work was busy and you don’t want to interact right away when you come home from work. If he complains your irritability is just your ADHD and totally dismisses your request to be alone, this guy is not a very good boyfriend and sounds like he feels what he needs is more important than what you need, and is using your ADHD to dismiss your needs. Regardless of whether something is symptomatic or not, your needs matter, your partner has to be someone who feels that way.

Viewing 2 reply threads

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.