December 16, 2019 at 3:18 pm #136564
New to the forum, but really need guidance from other parents of teens who have already graduated from High School…….
My young HS senior (turns 18 next June, after graduation) is a young man with ADHD, anxiety, and mild depression. Some of his biggest issues are:
Lacks of executive skills,
Lacks confidence in himself,
One re-life acquaintenance–otherwise online friends only
Addiction to computer/cell phone—or if not an addicition, I would categorize it as a strong crutch and uses to avoid things/people
He is pretty intelligent, scoring only a couple of points below the top of “average” IQ.
Is fantastic on computers, understanding how to do almost anything electronically, and has a strong passion for computer programming.
He is very head strong, and independent-minded.
He has always said “of course I’m going to college, Mom!” But starting spring of 11th grade, he decided that he doesn’t want to go to college……..we think that his anxiety and lack of confidence are causing most of this.
So here’s my question……
Has anyone out there had a son go into the Navy (or other armed services) directly out of high school, who has these similar issues?
He is talking about joining the Navy in order to be trained in Cyber-security. My concern is that since he’s fairly sensitive, head-strong and independent-minded, along with anxious……….will the armed services crush him, or give him the structure and gift of innate confidence that he needs at this stage?
December 17, 2019 at 10:02 am #136677
Hi – I read your post and it sounded exactly like my son. He graduated from HS last year. We looked into the military but as long as he was on his ADD meds, he didn’t qualify, so we looked at other options. That is the first thing I would find out if that applies to your situation. My son is actually in his first year in college. He dropped two of his courses this first semester because he wasn’t getting good grades. I am not sure with the remaining where he will end up honestly. We looked at several technical school options as well. It was our sons choice to try college. For me – I see his growth as an individual. He admits having all the responsibility on him is hard and overwhelming but he is learning.
If your son has the intelligence for programming, cyber security is a growing field and available in several schools. He will find like minded kids in those schools also – ie: sensitive, insecure, very smart, lacking certain social skills etc.
Just wanted to give you a few things from my perspective as a Mom whose son’s journey is far from defined. Take Care and good luck. Your son has very special gifts!
December 18, 2019 at 11:44 am #136823
We are not in the exact same boat – no military experience here. But I can certainly appreciate your concerns.
My son, almost 19, has been crushed by his experiences at school and college. There are some on here who said the military was exactly what they needed and were glad they did it. I guess I would say that if it’s something he’s actually interested in then meeting with recruiters to collect information couldn’t hurt.
I would also consider meeting with his school counselor and a college advisor. We met with a college advisor once – it did cost some money but they are full of information.
I think a meeting with an ADHD coach or a counselor to get more clarity on why he changed his mind about college – is it anxiety and if so what about etc? The more awareness he has about how his brain works the easier it will be for him to match his strengths to the right situation for him – whether that be the military, college, on line college, take a gap year and work or do internships??
Keep us posted on how things go.
December 19, 2019 at 8:37 pm #136950
Hello I’m new here. My son, 19 yo, just finished his first semester of college and basically failed every class. He started out ok but after about a month, he stopped attending classes regularly and stopped doing homework. I wish I could say he seems depressed or feels bad but mostly he just plays on his cell phone. He works for us around the house doing some yard work, painting and cleaning the garage but as with most things he has done, it takes forever and he is constantly distracted.
At some point during his freshman year he met his first GF since 5th grade and it was all down hill after that. Although that relationship ended quickly with his feelings hurt his next GF was also his first sexual experience. That coincided with when he stopped doing things for school. It’s not the girls fault but my son, like most ADD kids became fixated on this activity which was novel and exciting and did nothing else.
Luckily that relationship ended but by then he was failing beyond repair. He lives with us for the time being (according to him). He has a new GF who he rarely sees (thank goodness) and besides working for us, he works at a part time job. Most nights he stays up well into the morning hours, falls asleep with his phone in his hand and has trouble waking up in the mornings. We have a set wake up time for him, It’s torture daily but he finally gets up and takes his concerta. We wait for at least an hour to have any conversations with him because he is extremely angry and short. He does have the rest of the day after finishing chores for us to go out and socialize but he does not.
He used to tell us he has so many friends but like many children similar to him they are not close friends. He spends most of his time interacting with online and social media but rarely interacts with people face to face.
We have an appt, next month for him to start counseling at a behavior center, Although he already sees a pediatric behavior doctor she did recommend he start counseling.
We have out fingers crossed and hope this will help, It has been a long road to this point and sometimes I don’t see an end in sight.It’s so frustrating seeing your child hurt even when they are hurting themselves because they can’t seem to help themselves.
So I guess I am saying I understand. I found out after the fact that there are so any resources out there for ADHD kids even in college but if your child does not cooperate there is only so much you can do. And that is the hardest pill to swallow.
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