Advice with son with ADHD and treated poorly

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    • #91675

      Hey all, this is my first time in a very long while on a parenting forum. I’m at my wits end trying to overcome a reoccurring issue I’ve been experiencing with my 8 yr old boy.
      Max has ADHD. Not severe, but definitely hyperactive and hard to dial down. He also struggles with social cues ie: when someone has had enough of a game, budding, etc. In fact, my poor child can be down right irritating and annoying. I know this – I preach “good choices” and “be a good friend” until the cows come home. And in all honestly – he is genuinely a good little human. Not vicious, angry, spiteful or vindictive. He’s happy, very social and always willing to help out.

      The problem? He’s been pegged as “that kid”. My close friend and work partner has a child his age. He’s rude, sassy, argumentative and very hands on. So far, he’s spit numerous times at Max, punched him in the face and laughed today when Maxime hurt himself when he pushed him off a water trampoline. His parents treat him like he’s an angel and can do no wrong. They do not reprimand his poor behavior, yet my friend screeches at my son like he’s this bad kid out of control (which for the record, he never has been). My boy struggles and is far from perfect. But it’s getting to the point where I want to swear of my relationship to my friends because I can not tolerate there lack of discipline when their child acts horribly and yet treats my boy that he’s very poorly behaved. I’m fed up with the lack of understanding adults have with children suffering from ADHD. I have the disorder myself and was only made aware several years ago. I guess I’m venting but I am extremely frustrated with the way my very sweet boy is treated. I feel like he’s developing a negative defense mechanism when he’s treated poorly – which is to act more annoying and relentless when his feelings have been hurt. Even my family treat him this way. And we ALL have it, but we are also all females and don’t seem to have the hyperactive part of the disorder. I’m getting pissed off royally but definitely want to deal with this the most positive way possible. Any advice would be so helpful.

      Bonnie 🙂

    • #91688

      I can’t tell if this other kid is just an example of how all kids treat your son, or if it’s just that kid. If it’s just that kid, then you really should confront the parents directly and sever the relationship if they’re unwilling to work it out with you.

      Keep in mind, though, that they may have an issue with you that you’re unaware of, and that issue is what may cause or at least contribute to the problems you see. We all think our own kids are better than other kids in some way, shape, or form and we’re highly prone to closing our eyes to behaviors that others see more clearly. So, be willing to accept feedback if you’re going to give it.

      If this is a more general problem, then you probably can benefit from an evaluation of treatment. Perhaps a second opinion if his current doctor thinks everything is fine. For example, he may need some cognitive therapy to help him better learn social skills, or an adjustment of medication.

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