October 10, 2017 at 4:24 pm #64846StillPlaysMCParticipant
ADHD is ruining my life.
I’m thirteen, and I am in eighth grade. If it weren’t for my ADHD, I wouldn’t have all these problems I have now. I wouldn’t be depressed. I wouldn’t have anxiety. Maybe my father would actually be proud.
It started when I first went to school. I had huge anger issues, and my grades were admittedly terrible. I tried telling people that I cared, but no one listened. I was just a troublemaking kid who didn’t care about his own future. Sixth grade was probably the worst school year of all. Dad would yell at me every day for one reason or another. He just never listens to anyone, especially if their opinion differs from his. One would think this is because of my young age, but he doesn’t listen to adults, either. My therapists, my Mom, my brother’s aides. I suppose that when my brother was diagnosed with autism, he expected me to be the perfect son. After years of nagging, yelling, and hitting (since first grade), I finally developed severe anxiety. It got to the point where I can never focus on anything, as I am constantly worried about what I did wrong and what he’ll yell at me for next. I can barely concentrate in class, and keeping my grades up is getting harder and harder, I’ve tried everything. I began to actively use a planner. I switched from a binder to an accordion file. I went through two tutors. I went through two therapists. I’ve been through two IEPs. I’ve been in special needs classes since second grade. I’ve tried every medication there is. Nothing is working, and what’s sad is that I know lots of kids with ADHD, and they all seem to be doing perfectly fine. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. And because of all this, I am terrified of the future. I know won’t be able to keep a good job, to be in a healthy relationship. My life has been ruined before it really even started. And I am terrified because, as it turns out, no matter how hard I try, I seem to always fail. And it’s all because of ADHD.
Nothing has worked so far, so I have turned to you. If someone here could please help me, I’d really appreciate it.
- This topic was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Penny Williams.
October 10, 2017 at 5:10 pm #64853Pump2DuncanParticipant
Your post cut me deeply. But what also struck me was how proud you should be of yourself. By actively using a planner and switching from a binder to an accordion file, you are finding your own strategies to help in class. That is incredible. That shows you care, and that type of determination will help you throughout your life.
While it may seem that every other child with ADHD is doing fine, realize that ADHD is different for everyone and the challenges are different as well.
As a parent, I’d like to say absolutely nothing is wrong with you. ADHD brings challenges but it also brings unique strengths. Find your strengths and then find ways to highlight those strengths. And find your support person, maybe that person is a family member, a Coach, a therapist, a special ed teacher – whoever you can connect to. Lastly, find your passion and then find people who share your passion. While this doesn’t sound like great strategies to help you in class, I’m a firm believer that once you are overall happier, the day just gets a little easier. And passions lead to some of the most satisfying careers.
If you currently have a therapist, I would encourage you to also have the discussion with him or her. If you do not have a therapist, I would encourage you to discuss your feelings with a trusted adult.
October 10, 2017 at 6:19 pm #64855jsjoberg33Participant
Hi beautiful young man. I think you are highly intelligent and amazing. This is my very first post to ADDitude……Only discovered it yesterday. As they say “better late than never” but sure could have done with it at thirteen!…I am 82yr old Aussie lady and only just realising I have had ADHD all my life!!! Thank God this Forum exists for you it will be such an enormous help and resource throughout your life. I understand your hurt feelings SO much. Please stay strong and believe in your good self it will be your greatest resource. My father had no time for me, more and more now I have come to see he had ADD in buckets. Was always telling me I “was worthless, no good, sell you for sixpence, useless” on and on. Belting me with a razor strop, ignoring and rejecting me completely. Telling you all this so you know NOW he had the problem and you have suffered from his abuse. You exprss yourself so well I am greatly impressed. Hold your head high. Look for caring folk to guide you young man. You are one GREAT KID! I have been married for 58yrs have great husband ( also with ADD ) four children in their 50’s and six grandchildren. Do so hope “someone” gets through to your father how damaging his behaviour is to you. Hang in there young man you will definitely be held in my prayers that the “right” people come into your life very soon. With much love in my heart for you ❤️ 🙏
October 11, 2017 at 9:54 am #64871Penny WilliamsKeymaster
Just the fact that you’re here and looking to improve at the age of 13 is huge, and a definite sign that you’re going to be fine. As Pump2Duncan said, your determination will carry you far.
I challenge you to sit down, grab a piece of paper, and write down all the positive traits and aspects of you. Include everything — talents, interests, passions… Are you kind? A loyal friend? What topics are you interested in? Etc… Then, make a list of your life aspirations. What would you like your life to be like as an adult? We all have strengths and weaknesses — harness the strengths to overcome and work around weaknesses.
After that, you have the information you need to craft strategies, goals, and plans to achieve what you’d like to in your life. Take it one step at a time.
The articles will help with the process:
Lastly, don’t let your father’s attitude toward you get you down. He simply doesn’t understand ADHD, which means he doesn’t understand you. If he did understand, he’d see things differently. Work from what you know to be true for you, and everything else will fall into place.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
October 11, 2017 at 6:20 pm #65141jsjoberg33Participant
So glad you have such great support. Keep that DETERMINATION going. It saved my life.
December 27, 2017 at 3:13 am #71585DawnOStellaParticipant
I’ve been in special needs classes and I am surprised they didn’t put me on medication or spoke with my parents about the possibility of me having ADHD/ADD. It wasn’t until in my adulthood that I was diagnosed with it when I’ve noticed I couldn’t focus on tasks. I had a difficult time trying to retain information as a child. I probably out grew it in my early adulthood years (Risperdal-treated for psychosis but can be treated for various of things) but then it hit me hardcore when I tapered off of it. It came back to me like a brick slapped right into my face. I understand what you are going through it’s tough when you self doubt yourself. If you build your self confidence, I am sure you can accomplish many things. It may take more effort than others but at least you have a goal set out for yourself. I was in your situation when I was your age and I’ve felt overly anxious. Do not let that anxiety break you. Overcome your fear or your obstacles. It takes time and it takes practice to achieve your goals.
January 20, 2018 at 12:06 am #74204deathmetalkittens_Participant
StillPlaysMC That absolutley sucks. I’ve had experience somewhat similar to yours, and really you just need to power through it. Having anxiety, depression, and ADHD already can make you life a living cesspool of agony,and with that thing with your dad doesn’t sound too good either, but if you can try to notice the bright side of life. Find something you love and hold on to it, because if you find a passion to hold on to, life can’t pull you off of the face of the earth as easily. Find a friend who is always there,the real MVP,and hold on to them (metaphorically, of course). And whatever is telling you that you are a faliure or a waste of space,it’s wrong. Ignore that and absorb the world, because you are made of it. You areare one with this beautiful world. You are made of the trees and the stars and the clouds and the animals, you are beautiful like the pure land here, and like that land you have a right to be here. Stay here with everything pure and lovely and what makes you happy, even if you are surrounded in things tgat are ugly. Hold on and have faith and you will make it, I’m sure.
October 15, 2018 at 1:04 pm #101519Aidaney11Participant
hello fellow ADHDer my name is Aidan And just like you i am also 13 years old and im also in 8th grade. to be honest what you wrote really hits to home literally most of if all of it and i swear on my life thats not a lie. i love that theres someone that understands the way i feel. thx so much for sharing this.:)
August 17, 2019 at 1:02 am #125417Boom3rParticipant
I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with who you are and where you are in life. You are a strong individual and like you there are many out there that are struggling too. It is people like yourself sharing your experience that help make the world a lighter brighter. I read your story and my son as well has ADHD and he struggles just like you. I almost thought he wrote it. His older brother is ASD as well. It is your story that gives him understanding that he isnt alone. I wish you could meet. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Not everyone is going to grow up and be a doctor, lawyer or an accountant. Individuals with ADHD have special talents and you need to keep discovering what they are and when you find them let them develop and as you get older you will be able to do something you like. Grade school is hard because everyone has to do the basics and the system think everyone learns the same but once you get older you can branch out into what you want to do. Are you good with your hands, like to be physical busy? Cant sit and read for hours. We need all kinds of people in this world. Dont give up, the fact that at 13 years old you can express and share what you have is amazing. Keep going. Keep sharing.
August 19, 2019 at 8:00 pm #125540ivry321Participant
Embrace your ADHD. Once you do it will be all downhill I promise. You have this amazing creative mind that thinks outside the box. So try to stay inside the box a little when you’re in school so your class doesn’t get disrupted due to boredom by you.
A lot of bad stuff happened to me at that age including getting molested thrown out of school, camp eventually home. I knew something wasn’t right but it wasn’t the ADHD. It was the lack of knowledge on how to embrace it and make it work for me.
Ok I just re-read your blog. The difference between you and your friends that have ADHD and the reason they are doing fine is that they have support from their counselor family etc.
You need support, gimme your number ill call you every day and tell you how great you are. I wish I had this kind of foresight at your age, instead, I was going through what you are going through but thought I was the bad person.
ADHD is a learning disability which means you can be taught to live with it. Tough on your own kiddo, sorry about that. It’s not your dads’ fault he is accountable however he should get a clue.
Try taking up drums or another musical instrument. What do you dream of becoming? think of that and how much value you will add to the world. Meds help me a lot but I still have to make myself sit still and pay attention. Ask questions don’t worry about what everyone else is thinking, it’s not all about you. Add value to your classes by participating and understanding that things are difficult for you but it’s not just because of the ADHD it’s lack of support
I promise you I am 60 now But I feel your pain. Hang in there find the gems within your personality stop focusing on what sux, which I know is a lot. Surround yourself with support and F— anyone else that doesn’t give it to you. They don’t know what they do.
August 21, 2019 at 2:01 pm #125676SageParticipant
To me, it sounds like you have VERY severe ADHD. But, you are actively trying to find ways to improve in class. Now, moving on to the subject of your dad. Honestly, he sounds abusive to me, verbally and physically. Now, I’m not that much older than you, still in my teens. But I read a lot, I listen to people’s stories (would like to be a therapist when I get older), etc. and that honestly just sounds like textbook abuse. But listen to me. It will get better. As to keeping your grades up, what is the issue you find? Are you constantly distracted during homework? Are you not getting projects done on time? I know it’s almost impossible to concentrate in class because of your anxiety. Your dad is the reason for that anxiety, correct? If so, I suggest you talk to your mom about it. And if you have a therapist, talk to them, too. Explain how you feel, that you can’t concentrate, can’t keep your grades up, are constantly anxious and depressed. Explain your situation, that your dad always yells and hits you, and see what comes out of that. But the most important advice I can give you right now is to stay strong, and remember you always have support. <3
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