January 17, 2021 at 4:31 am #190976fidgetbunnyParticipant
When I was 12, my mother had me tested. At that time, there was ADD and ADHD. I was diagnosed as ADD. They offered Ritalin, but my mother has always been very anti-medication on all levels(physical & mental health) So I endeavored to be “normal”. My family swept it under the rug and–well that’s a whole other story.
Knowing what it was like for me and watching the behaviors of both my husband and daughter, I would venture to say they have it as well. My husband has the impulse control issues, hates being interrupted, has had his share of melt downs whenever he hits a snag in his plans, could take one word or phrase from your conversation and start a totally non-related tangent and you’re expected to suddenly know exactly what he’s talking about, and many other things.
I homeschool my daughter partly because I feared that she would inherit my ADD– She’ll be 12 in June and she is like an extroverted version of me when it comes to learning and thought processes.
The irony of all this is that my husband thinks ADHD is a “crutch” that keeps kids from trying. It took 10 years, but he’s accepting my ADHD–although it doesn’t call it by name. He just says, “I realize your brain is different…” And it’s never directly said, but I think he’s also not wanting to believe there’s anything “wrong” with his daughter. And I get it– some kids take advantage. And I know my daughter would(she’s cagey like that)…but also know there are times when she’s genuinely trying. So I try to find ways to help her with out plain out saying: “This will help your ADHD”
Is this a fair assessment on my part? I see articles on relationships where one has ADHD and the other doesn’t. What if we both do?
January 17, 2021 at 4:44 am #190977KerplunkParticipant
My partner and I both have ADHD, but does it matter ? You have a relationships with an individual. I find knowing she has ADHD helps avoid frustration, as her behavior can be challenging, but I remind myself so can mine
A diagnosis has a value in terms of prescribing medication and understanding behaviour. But I get your husband , as many, might want to avoid labels as they can be used as excuses to avoid developing coping mechanisms. I don’t know if that is a fair assessment, truth is you know your family dynamic better than we do. What is it exactly that bothers you ?
January 17, 2021 at 5:29 am #190979fidgetbunnyParticipant
I guess my concern is more about treatment than diagnosis. I’ve been researching how to work with it behaviorally, and can an ADHD mom do this for the whole family. I guess I had some self-doubt– Should I be more forgiving of my daughter’s procrastination and emotional outbursts as symptoms of ADHD or is she playing me and I should be firmer with her?
Just because I have it, does that qualify me to identify it in my own kid so I can discipline or guide accordingly?
January 19, 2021 at 11:17 am #192090Penny WilliamsKeymaster
What looks like ADHD could be a myriad of other things as well. Even physical ailments. If something is “wrong” it’s always best to have it investigated by a clinician. Treatment (medication, therapy, or other) can help a great deal no matter what your concerns are attributed to. School knowing there are learning challenges (if there are any – ADHD included) also makes a huge difference.
That said, there are many individuals and families who just address the challenges. If you’re not going the medication route, then you don’t necessarily need a diagnosis. You can work to improve emotional skills and procrastination without a diagnosis, for instance.
I personally always choose to seek answers and assistance, I.e. evaluation. Kids are painfully aware when they don’t “fit” and when they’re struggling in ways their peers are not. Absent an explanation, they create their own which is usually that they are broken. 🙁
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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