June 11, 2020 at 2:04 pm #174165
I was not formally diagnosed or treated for ADHD until about a month ago. I’m 20 years old, and I’ve had a lot of problems throughout my life. I’ve always been involved with my mental health and I’ve been seeing therapists and psychiatrists all my life, and I’ve had multiple diagnoses ranging from depression to anxiety disorder and even bipolar disorder. But no amount of medication or therapy ever truly helped me. I’ve always felt like a broken clock and it took a heavy toll on me especially in the past year. I moved out of my parents house last year and my best friend and I moved into our first place together, we’ve been inseparable since we were 9 years old. As soon as I faced life on my own everything kinda fell apart. I developed problems with promiscuity, binge drinking, keeping up with daily chores and tasks, and keeping my cool in stressful situations. I’ve also always had problems with feelings of insecurity and simply not being good enough for anything. These issues kept rising until eventually it started boiling over, I became defensive, passive aggressive, and whenever I felt stressed by it I’d become withdrawn and isolate myself. Eventually my best friend whom I love with all my heart came to the decision that even though she loves me and we are still the best of friends, my problems have become so overwhelming to her that it’s best for us to live separately. I’m currently in the process of moving back in with my parents, and although I’m not mad at all by her making a decision that she feels is best for her, I can’t say it didn’t hurt. I’ve been staying with my parents for about a month now, and honestly now it just feels like our friendship has gotten so distant. I’m sure it has a lot to do with not living there anymore, but it feels like I’ve been the only one making any effort in trying to talk to her or hang out. If I don’t say something first then I simply won’t hear from her at all. It’s just so hard for me to distinguish whether its actually true that she’s not trying to communicate, or if it’s just my insecurities getting to my head. I want to talk to her about it but I don’t want her to think that I’m just pinning her as a bad or careless friend, or that I’m just being clingy and not respecting her space. I’ve been seriously trying to ease up on myself, and work on my behavioral issues. But it’s hard, she’s one of my most supportive friends, and right now I just feel alone.
June 11, 2020 at 10:10 pm #174187
I just wat you to first know you’re not alone. there are many of us in this situation. reading your story is like reading mine.
I think that you’re going through a lot, you literally just got formally diagnosed with something most people feel you’re doing on purpose. My suggestion is first to take care of yourself and get better. So that as you start to mend a relationship with your bestie you’ll feel good about yourself and that will translate in your relationship.
You can do this, don’t give up even when you feel sad and alone don’t give up. I personally try and read bible scriptures to help with affirming my worth especially when I feel alone.
Ashley, you’re not alone and you can do this!
much love from your sister in this community!!
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