March 29, 2020 at 3:51 am #166948
I understand that I should be getting a proper diagnosis from a psychiatrist but I would like to clarify some suspicion regarding ADHD that I have been having over the years.
I am good academically. I never had any problem concentrating when I was studying on my own during High school. However, I did have a problem concentrating in class. I would often or all the time zone of. I constantly had the mindset “I could read it back home”. I entered the best college in my country to study engineering and am currently a third year.
My parents divorced when I was small and she started having an affair with a married man. They would often have sex in front of me and I feel that greatly affected my self-esteem and self-image.
I was extremely socially awkward starting from my Middle school. I was very social during childhood. I would often have difficulty mingling with my peers. I would never get invited to any party and often I found having lunch at school with everyone else a major difficulty(hence I would sit alone by myself). I still have problem sitting with other people today. I never managed to build a strong relationship with people around me and often envy those who are outgoing and have many friends. I always fear losing friends and this affects the way I interact with my friends. While I managed to enter the college of my choice, I deferred my entry for a year for thinking I would be more social if I had one year of work experience. This was a big mistake. I not only regretted this choice but this made me fall into further depression. The decision I made at this point was quite impulsive (a sign of ADHD?). I often make these impulsive decisions which I regret at a later stage. In addition, I stopped going to school in high school because the curriculum was slow for me and I wasn’t getting along with everyone else.
Since high school, I have been struggling with depression. But never sought any treatment for it. This really worsened during the first year of my college for the last sentence in the second point above. I would have this constant regretful thought which I cannot get rid off my mind. I was quite good at math before coming to university and could focus on solving tough problems for hours but since coming to university I cannot focus on solving tough problems, I simply lost that ability to focus and enjoy problem-solving. I constantly have this desire to finish off task as soon as possible. My processing speed has gone down significantly.
I am very forgetful and unorganised. I struggle to keep track of deadlines and often my friends say “He has no idea what’s going on”. I struggle to follow lectures/talks regardless of the level of difficulty. I also sometimes have difficulty following what people are saying. Hence, I got used to replying “Yh”, “I see” by default even if I don’t know what the person is speaking about.
My work quality during internships is simply so bad. I simply don’t have the patience to hand in quality work. I often make a careless mistake at work and people cannot believe that I come from the college I go to(because it is the best in the country). I tried hard but cannot seem to pay attention to details.
I have difficulty working in front of people. My brain would often freeze and this greatly inhibits me from contributing positively in meetings.
My question is given all of the above circumstances/symptoms/situation. What is the likely disease/disorder that I have?
Is it ADHD or is this simply due to depression? Is there an element of Anti-social personality disorder? Or Asperger? Any advice would be highly appreciated.
- This topic was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by Anni @ ADDitude.
March 30, 2020 at 11:15 am #167139
As you said, you have to get a diagnosis from a qualified clinician. Medical advice over the internet is a bad idea. There are some online self-tests you can take that could show if you’re potentially on the right path. It could be some, all or none of what you suspect. Treatment would help with any of it, but you need a diagnosis to access treatment.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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