ADHD, Anxiety and feelings

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    • #58979
      SuzyQ
      Participant

      I have been diagnoised with ADD/Anxiety. I’ve been working with a therapist and take medication. I still struggle with calming my mind and tend to bounce around a lot, can’t relax (although it’s better than before). For me because I’m not good with my feelings its hard to tell if the bouncing around is the add or anxiety. I suspect it’s more the add, b/c I start lots of things and have difficulty staying organized, or think of something else and off I go. Sometimes, the only way I can shut my mind off is to go to sleep. Most recently my therapist has indicated that I have a difficult time “going” deeper and keep things very superficial. I’d like to have deeper relationships, but there is so much I feel the need to protect myself, which I think is more the anxiety. So confusing! Anyone else deal with this?

    • #58998
      domalskid
      Participant

      I also am not good with my feelings and also, as well, keep things with my therapist (and others) pretty superficial. Going to therapy, I simply talk about the week. My therapist will ask how my depression and anxiety are doing (I have Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Anxiety); if she didn’t, I probably wouldn’t bring it up. One time, my sister said something in text that was extremely hurtful, although I’m sure she didn’t mean for it to come across that way. My therapist asked why I didn’t confront her and I said why create tension or increase the stress of my already highly stressed/overwhelmed sister. So, I said I was just going to let it be. My therapist said, “So, basically, you’re just going to stuff it…” I responded with, “Yup.” And moved on to another topic. I DO want to go deeper and work on why I don’t express a lot of my feelings (suppressing, stuffing, ignoring, etc.) and why I don’t feel some feelings that I know I SHOULD be feeling, such as love. I feel really disconnected from people, the world, and life. I feel like life is a parade and I’m just watching it go by. Music used to be a passion of mine. Recently, I heard it described: “Music is what feelings sound like.” That would be why my passion has mostly faded. I don’t feel the feelings I used to many, many years ago. The handful I do feel are muffled in nature, if that makes any sense. People say, “You can’t love others until you love yourself first.” I find it to be the opposite. I find it hard to accept the love of others, because I don’t love myself. I don’t even really remember what it feels like to feel love. I used to love other people, even without loving myself. I recently had to say goodbye to two really close friends because one started to get back into drug abuse and the other stole medication from me. You’d think I would have had a period of mourning and missing them. But I really didn’t. And I find that odd, like I really should have felt some feelings when I let them go. A lot of the feelings I have, if you could even consider it that, are merely IDEAS of the feeling and not the actual feeling itself. Kinda like: I know I should be feeling such-and-such feeling when such-and-such happens, but I simply don’t. I don’t know if any of this helps, or if it helps you to know you definitely are not the only one feeling such a way. I don’t know why I experience feelings the way I described here, and doubt you experience them that way too, but I hope it helps to know that there are people out there who are dealing with similar issues.

    • #59012
      lornagillians
      Participant

      Hello SuzyQ and Domalskid, I was really intrigued to read your posts. I have been involved romantically with a man of 65 for 5 years now, who seems to have these same problems. I did not know at first, what was going on with him. I gradually got to realize that he drinks to excess to cope with his problems, but it is only recently I have put two and two together to come up with ADHD. He never talks to me about feelings. At first in our relationship, we had a wonderful, sweet, gentle love and he told me he loved me. He loves being cuddled and caressed, and we loved our times in bed together, just cuddling and loving each other. But he became very anxious about the sexual side of things, early on and just cannot “perform”. He normally tells women he “does not do sex”, but as I stayed with him, it was different – he couldn’t get away with that. I honestly thought he was gay, or had been abused as a child or something, because I just could not understand what the hell was going on. He did mutter something once about being anxious, and I read all I could find about anxiety, bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, depression, etc – until I came up with ADHD – and I must say that seems to fit the bill. He has gone from having two failed marriages to one woman friend after another, and seems to feel no remorse when the relationship fails. He just moves on. I see little of him, as we are long-distance, and when I do manage to arrange a get-together, he is so anxious and we end up having a “spat” when he gets upset and defensive about something innocent I said and he throws me out. Usually, we get back together again, but this last time, he has blocked my phone calls and texts and ignores my emails, so I have no way of getting in touch – except by letter or actually going to see him. We NEVER talk things through. He just always says he does not want to talk about it “now” – but in five years, it has been NEVER. If I try to talk, he sometimes physically runs away, or explodes like a volcano and tells me to leave. It is so frustrating. He is otherwise a lovely, sweet, caring, gentle man who will do anything for anyone, and tends to get taken advantage of, because of that. I would dearly love to help him, but do not know HOW to reach out to him. Any ideas, please? I would love to hear from you two what the best method is of getting through to him. I find the times when he does let his guard down and talk to me are when he is drunk on the phone (he never drinks when I am there). He will then cry bitterly and tell me he regrets what he has done to his family and has messed his life up – but when he is sober, he clams up again. What do you think? Should I keep on keepng on in there, or should I walk away and leave him to his own devices? He has no other close friends, other than the woman next door who he gets drunk with. She takes advantage, because he buys her booze, she uses his car and they lend each other money. Then she poisons him against me, to keep me away from him. He has no money, is in debt and I worry that he will not live much longer. I can’t stop thinking about him, worrying about him and wondering what to do. Maybe that is my own OCD? I seem to be obssessed about him. Please, what do you think? Lorna

    • #59016
      lornagillians
      Participant

      PS – I am wondering why you are both going to therapy? Do you pay for this? If so, it is a waste of money, if you are not going to open up and discuss your feelings. You will get nowhere. No benefit. You are probably better off opening up and writing things down on a forum like this one, and getting feed-back. After all, the therapist does not have first-hand knowledge of your concerns, either as someone with the problem or as someone connected with someone who has the problem. I don’t see how they can relate unless they have experienced it. I’m wonderng SuzyQ WHY you feel the need to protect yourself? That is a very telling statement. Can you share and tell us, please, what it is you are afraid of, and why you need to protect yourself? Of course, I realize this may be hard for you to do, but it would be extremely helpful to the rest of us if you could share this important information. It would help us understand what goes on. I wonder if the medication actually makes you feel more disconnected from yourself and your feelings. Would you be better getting the anxiety and tension out of your system by doing something energetic, or throwing yourself into something really important in your life – either a job or hobby or volunteerng? I do know that ordinary anti-depressants make people feel that they actually have no feelings!! Just a thought. Please let me hear from you – I would be more than grateful as I am, myself, very anxious about this man in my life. Lorna

    • #59018
      tigger
      Participant

      I am including the original post for context.
      <Am>SuzyQ: I have been diagnosed with ADD/Anxiety. I’ve been working with a therapist and take medication. I still struggle with calming my mind and tend to bounce around a lot, can’t relax (although it’s better than before). For me because I’m not good with my feelings its hard to tell if the bouncing around is the add or anxiety. I suspect it’s more the add, b/c I start lots of things and have difficulty staying organized, or think of something else and off I go. Sometimes, the only way I can shut my mind off is to go to sleep. Most recently my therapist has indicated that I have a difficult time “going” deeper and keep things very superficial. I’d like to have deeper relationships, but there is so much I feel the need to protect myself, which I think is more the anxiety. So confusing! Anyone else deal with this?

      Yes, SuzyQ, I deal with this too. I am a female diagnosed with ADHD/Anxiety late in life. My mind is abuzz with lots of thoughts that I am unable to wrangle to let you know you are not alone. I am learning to recognize the difference between ADHD and anxiety. Going deep is very difficult. There are times that I completely shut down and cannot think or speak. How deep the conversation goes depends on how safe I feel to speak as well as the level of trust and comfort in the relationship. My anxiety level is decreasing as I learn to manage ADHD. Right now I am feeling anxious because I cannot covey quickly enough my thoughts and I need to get ready for work. Since I have recognized this I am taking slow breaths to calm myself. It is working and while there is so much more I could say I have to shift gears. Keep going with the therapy and medications. It takes time, effort, and patience.

      I leave you with this:
      Patience eludes me as thoughts swirl within
      A maddening dash from one thing to the next
      Time ticking faster than my heart can beat
      Surging emotion radiates from within
      STOP, breathe, slowly breathe
      Calmness appears if but only for a moment

    • #59582
      robmcgreg28
      Participant

      My particular problem is keeping my mind still. I either constantly hum to or sing to myself or have on going internal debates. Does anyone else suffer from this?

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