ADD husband has no patience with our kids with ADHD

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    • #192750

      My husband has had ADD since childhood. He has created coping mechanisms over the years for his “extra” energy in different ways; tapping, random singing, knee bouncing, etc. Our two boys, age 10 and 8 have ADHD and also have that same energy at the end of the day. At dinner time tonight, my youngest was eating dinner while happily drumming on the table and humming his favorite song. My husband asked him to stop and when he COULDN’T, my husband lost his temper, yelled and scolded him loudly and making him cry and very upset. I tried telling my husband that he has the same issue and bounces his knee constantly and loudly every night when we watch TV together. Probably the wrong approach as he got very upset and yelled at me and left the room.

      Can someone please let me know how to handle this situation? This happens a lot. I don’t want my kids to feel shamed or wrong for something they can’t control – especially from the people who are supposed to understand and unconditionally love them no matter what.

    • #192773
      Pro crastina

      For some reason I am not able to post the whole thing in a one reply, so PART 1:

      I’ve had similar issues as your husband. ADHD (ADD) is well known to make you impulsive, unable to control burst of emotions and unfortunately many times you act before you think the consequences of your actions far enough. I always felt such a douchebag and extreme remorse after those unneeded temper tantrums and I’m 100% sure your husband feels that way too.

      Because I was not able to control my flaws, I slid down on a spiral of ever-lowering self-esteem and it made me really sensitive to even the most constructive criticism.

      What eventually led me to the right path was reading and understanding more about ADHD and why I might act certain way in some situations. I slowly began to understand it was not because I was a bad person – it was because my brain structure is different. My brain is in a constant lack of certain chemicals that are needed for a number of things, e.g. finishing tasks and controlling impulsivity.

    • #192775
      Pro crastina

      PART 2:

      The ultimate fix for me was the growth of understanding ADHD and myself better combined with the right kind of medication (+ diet and over-the-counter supplements) to correct the chemical deficiency. Medication really gave me time to notice when my impulsivity was kicking in. I’m happy to say that today I’m able to think BEFORE I act – MOST of the time. Taming ADHD is a neverending journey to learn how to bring best version out of me.. and accepting my flaws.

    • #192776
      Pro crastina

      PART 3:

      There is a growing amount of clinical studies showing that ADHD in children can be somewhat tamed by a healthy overall diet, ensuring sufficient amount of magnesium intake and abundant amounts of healthy fatty acids, Omega 3 (DHA/EPA). For children the DHA/EPA ratio should preferably in favor of DHA (more DHA than EPA). You would need an additional children’s Omega 3 supplement to ensure enough of these fats unless you are eating fatty fish three, four times a week.
      Adding Omega 3 supplements to diet doesn’t hurt an adult either though. 😉

    • #192811
      Penny Williams

      Your husband needs to recognize that his body is doing those things to keep stimulated so he can regulate. I always ask myself what is the harm if this behavior continues. In this case, the only harm is some annoyance, I imagine.

      Of course, you can’t change his perspective if he isn’t open to change.

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #194840

      Family therapy sessions. This response is unacceptable

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