8 year old daughter. Is it adhd or strong willed or something else

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    • #134446
      sunflower22
      Participant

      Hi,

      I have an eight year old daughter. She has always been defiant and likes to argue with my husband and I. Other adults she is not defiant but may correct them. We went to a psychologist whens she was in first grade and started 123 Magic and it helped. We still count her and use time outs. She gets fewer times outs and stops her actions more on 1 or 2. We also used reward charts and that is so so motivating for her. She can be great if she is working towards something.
      She has always had big emotions. If she is happy it is fine. She can get upset easily and cry but seems to pull it together much better than in the past. I see growth but I wonder if she is still struggling with something or still behind her age group. When we have to talk to her about a bad choice she made or how something was not appropriate she will bury her face in a pillow. She will not look at us in those moments. She will not answer either. Very defiant and stubborn in those moments.

      She has struggled with some separation anxiety. Would cry at school drop off or bday parties or summer camps. She also chews on things when she is nervous, anxious or excited. Like her shirt sleeves or even hair. That comes and goes and has gotten better but we still see it at times.

      She has friends but can get more excited than them when playing and she seems hyper then. She just seems more immature. When she gets wound up it is hard for her to calm down without help. She can get really silly and annoying. This seems to be when playdates are at our house. She seems to keep herself in check at others. This is our biggest thing right now. Self regulating when she is excited. Even her 4 year old sister can calm down easier.
      Also this year she talks about the playground. She made a good friend last year and they played all the time at recess. They are in different classes this year and her friend plays with a girl who is new to the school. My daughter says the new girl does not let her play. So her and her friend only get to play a few days a week. I am not sure what is going on there but she is sensitive to friendship things. She is in this phase recently where she thinks everyone is mean or she misinterprets what is really mean. Is this an age thing or social emotional problem.

      School has always been positive. She reads above grade level, math comes easy to her, she likes school. Teachers say she is chatty but no different than the other kids. The only grade that had negative feedback was 2nd grade last year. She said she was disruptive and silly and always talking. The teacher complained and complained and said she tried everything and then in March she stopped and got perfect marks on the report card in self control and all the other social characteristics. We have shared concerns with all teachers and no one has ever had a concern. We have mentioned ADHD and they all say no. This years conference the teacher said she is a joy to have in the class. She can be chatty but no different from the other kids. She responds to a gentle reminder. She did say she catches her during independent work sitting just staring like she is thinking about something. She tells her to get back to work and she does. Is that daydreaming? I just do not want the school to miss anything.

      I would really appreciate if anyone has insight. If you have a daughter with ADHD does this sound similar? The psychologist said we can go testing. My concern is the school has no concern so how would that show with the testing.

      Thanks!

    • #134476
      sophiaaaax10
      Participant

      Hi,
      I have inattentive type adhd and was diagnosed at 15 because none of my teachers thought i had any issues because the only hyperactive symptom i had was constantly fidgeting and already had a learning disability. It is possible to get a diagnosis with the school teachers putting low scores on diagnosis tests but it is harder. You’d have to have school reports, extra curricular activity teacher reports or other family members other than parents.

      The strong willed, chatty and being emotional are all common in children with ADHD but remember that these could just be her personality. You should look out for other symptoms of adhd such as
      Inattentive:
      1 Has trouble staying focused;
      2 is easily distracted or gets bored with a task before it’s completed
      3 Appears not to listen when spoken to
      4 Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions;
      5 doesn’t pay attention to details or makes careless mistakes
      6 Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects
      7 Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items
      8 gets distracted easily

      Hyperactivity:
      1 Constantly fidgets and squirms
      2 Has difficulty sitting still
      3 playing quietly, or relaxing
      4 Moves around constantly,
      5 often runs or climbs inappropriately
      6 Talks excessively
      7 May have a quick temper or “short fuse”
      8 acts as if driven by a motor

      Impulsively:
      1 Acts without thinking
      2 blurts out answers in class without waiting to be called on or hear the whole question
      3 Intrudes on other people’s conversations or games
      4 says the wrong thing at the wrong time
      5 Inability to keep powerful emotions in check, resulting in angry outbursts or temper tantrums

      Six or more symptoms of inattention or hyperactivity and impulsivity need to be present enough that they interfere with her everyday life. they usually make issues in academic, executive disfunction, emotional, social communication or aggression.

      Teachers will most of the time pick up on hyperactive and impulsivity in children as they will have seen what it looks like in other children with adhd in the past but inattentive is harder to see. You should talk to her as she is old enough to know how she is feeling. Also go through each symptom and try and see how often she does them because all children will do them but it depends on how much it effects her life and functioning.

      Hope this helps xx

      Im not an expert this is from my experience and a couple of my friends experiences 🙂

    • #134567
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      Here’s a self-test for teen girls. I realize your daughter is younger, but this one touches on a lot of aspects that show up mostly only in girls and women:

      Do I Have ADHD? The Ultimate Quiz for Teen Girls

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #134570
      sunflower22
      Participant

      Thank you Sophiaaa ax10. This was all really helpful and I appreciate hearing your personal experience.

      She really does not have many of the inattentive symptoms more so the hyperactive or impulsive ones. Also I will say it is not consistent. She can have great days and then a day where she seems very hyper and can’t settle. Is that common or would she have issues every day? Soometimes I can not figure out why and sometimes I think it has to do with being anxious about something or just over excited about something.

      None of her teachers have ever been concerned so I try to trust that.

      Penny Willimas thank you for the test. I will take a look at it.

      • #134723
        sophiaaaax10
        Participant

        Hi i think most of the time it would have to be consistent because when i got diagnosed they sent my mum, my teacher and myself a question thing whitch asked how present each symptom was so like “ver often, often, sometimes and never” and is it was often or very often it counted as a present symptom.

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